Adoption From Russia

A New Adventure :0)

2011-09-06T10:20:00.001-05:00

The day came... despite all of my best efforts to stop it.

Caleb started kindergarten.

And so, I swallowed my tears/panic and mustered a smile. My smile was encouraged along by Caleb's infectious grin and excitement. The boy was downright giddy waiting for the bus :0) C has been watching his brother and sisters go off to school for 3 years and has been waiting for his turn for what seems (to him) like FOREVER. He has cried countless tears over being left behind. Funny, because as he was thinking...

Today is FINALLY here!...

I was thinking...

How on earth did this happen so quickly?

I have spent 3 years pulling him close, all the while so concious of super important things like BONDING and ATTACHMENT. Trying to make up for what was never established during the first 2 years of his life.

It felt so wrong (crazy almost) to let him go on a big yellow bus and spend all day away from me.

I breathed a silent prayer... "Lord, please help me to know he will be O.K.... did I do enough? Will he be able to go to school and not feel like he is back at the orphanage?"

I felt a calm come over me, and in that moment I knew...

God has done the work of opening Caleb's heart. He KNOWS he has a forever Mommy and Daddy who love him so very much. He knows he has a friend in Jesus wherever he goes. I knew he was ready.... and so I prayed I would be too.

I can't say it was super easy to let him go, but I can say that as I watched C climb onto that bus, I was overcome with a feeling of JOY that God had brought him to this place and to this moment. It may seem like a truly ordinary thing... a child leaving his Mommy and climbing onto a bus to go to school, but it is far from ordinary for a little boy who was born in Russia and spent his first 2 years of life in an orphanage there.

And so, I witnessed yet another miracle.

I watched my baby go off to kindergarten :0)

The big kids (A and R in 4th grade and Andrew in 5th)- these 3 are back together in the same school again :0)

Being silly!

C and his best bud are in the same class

Super excited before the bus came!

The end of the day- kindergarten was a success!!!!! C wore his Bears jersey just for Uncle Myrick :0)

C loves his bus driver and had to wave goodbye :0)

Dasvidaniya Adoption Paperwork!

2011-08-30T09:06:00.001-05:00

Last week, we completed our court proceedings for Caleb's readoption and finally said dasvidaniya to ALL paperwork regarding C's adoption.

NO. MORE. EVER!!!!!!!

I was super nervous and emotional before walking into court... entering the courthouse brought back a lot of memories of walking into the courthouse in Russia. As soon as we walked in to the courtroom, though, my feelings quickly shifted to pure JOY. In Russia, Andrew wasn't allowed in the courtroom, and Caleb was still in the orphanage. This time, however, Caleb and Andrew were sitting right next to D and I... and we were sitting in a courtroom in our very own beloved country (God bless the USA!!!!!). It was so special to have them with us, and to know that this time, C is already ours :0) The thought made me downright giddy! Obviously my feelings were quite evident, because Caleb just beamed lovingly at me the entire time (sooooo sweet... just melted my heart!). We had explained to him beforehand what was going to happen and why we were going to court, but it really shocked me that he really seemed to understand. I loved that C got to be a part of it this time around, and that Andrew insisted on being there with his little brother... that boy makes a momma proud :0) What an incredible big brother he is!

Anyway, of course the court proceedings went off without a hitch, and afterward, C was invited to sit on the judge's bench for a picture. That just made his day :0) We decided to top it all off with a round of cokes afterward, which put C in absolute heaven. Despite all of his best begging efforts, C NEVER gets such a treat!

The best treat for Mommy and Daddy? We won't have to ever travel to Russia to get another copy of baby boy's birth certificate.

Hooray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

C is still talking about this

Wish this had come out...

So handsome!

My sweet baby with sucker goo on his face :0)

Wedding Time!!! Part One...

2011-07-22T13:17:00.002-05:00

Well, the much anticipated day finally arrived! My little sister got married to her high school sweetheart! We traveled to Maryland just a few days before the wedding and stayed at my parents' house, along with my brother, his wife and my adorable niece and nephew. My kids were soooooo happy to see their cousins again! They just love one another so very much :0) Our trip was wonderful and the wedding was absolutely beautiful!!!!! Only a few minor hitches...

like Andrew's forehead draining and being INCREDIBLY swollen (the front teeth of a 14 year-old boy slammed themselves into his head on the Fourth of July)...
and...
Ashley coming close to vomiting about 20 times over (starting at the rehearsal dinner and ending the morning after the wedding)...
Oh- and there were a few other things too...
like the best man being in the hospital during the wedding (I'm happy to report he is O.K. now)...
and...
one of the bridesmaids being involved in a minor fender bender just before the wedding...
and...
one of the bridesmaids dresses thought my sister was bringing her dress for her, so she drove the 3 hours to the coast with no dress on the day of the rehearsal, only to find out that her dress was still back where she started from (a guest was kind enough to go pick up the dress and bring it to the wedding location the day of the wedding).

Overall though, the wedding itself was incredible and the reception was awesome- including the 10 minutes or so the power was out b/c the reception building was hit by lighting right in the middle of the reception- LOL!!! The kids and guests said this just made the reception MORE awesome. Even more awesomeness was added to the mix by an INCREDIBLE lightning storm. Even the wedding photographers were out on the porch just snapping away... can't wait to see these pics!

Did I forget to mention that I could not fulfill my duty as the matron of honor of fluffing and arranging my sister's beautiful gown just so during the ceremony due to the gale force winds from the impending storm? Seriously, at one point her dress almost took me out, so I decided to save myself and give up.

Oh! And the best story of all...

I had to rip my sister's gown (unbeknownst to her) just after she arrived at the "alter" (gazebo) because the crinoline had caught on the top concrete step (see the second-to-last pic of Andrew standing at the top of these steps) and the dress unraveled so that my sister was still attached to the top step as the ceremony began. She didn't believe it until she saw the pictures. Thank goodness that was captured on film so I am saved from living the rest of my life as the sister and matron of honor who ripped the beautiful bride's very expensive and beloved wedding gown! Phew!!!! What a relief!

Anyway, here are the pics taken leading up to the wedding. You'll have to wait for the wedding and beach pics. This post is just too long and my children are starving to death (their exaggeration) :0) :0)

Happy that rehearsal is over :0)
Riley, Trevor, Caleb, Chloe, Nia and Ashley

Lighthouse Sound was a beautiful setting for the wedding

My hubby and brother ready for a delicious crab feast!

Mom and Dad :0)

The kids were HUNGRY!!!!!

Riley-beans

Rob was kind enough to pose for me before digging in!

Caleb loved watching the boats and jet-skis

Wedding Day at the beauty parlor for my 2 little beauties

My girls with the beautiful bride

Cousins :0)

Riley and Trevor entertaining one another after pics and before the ceremony

Andrew and Myrick's son, Tristan

Andrew posing with his super swollen forehead :0(

Brothers looking handsome

Gotcha Forever!

2011-06-14T13:12:00.004-05:00

First Gotcha Day- May 30th, 2008

Forever Family Day, June 12th, 2008

First full day home (we actually landed just before midnight on June 11th, but we don't really count that!)

Has it really been three years? This year, we stuck with tradition and set-up/filled the pool in the backyard, just like we did on the very first day all 6 of us were finally together. Thank goodness the weather cooperated :0) The kids had a blast together and we topped off our celebration with a cookout and cupcakes... YUM!
The miracle of C being here with us never escapes me... I always get a little teary-eyed when I think of our journey. It hasn't always been easy, but I wouldn't change a single detail of the road we have traveled to get here.
We're so glad you're here Dimka-Doodle!!!!!!!!! We love you so very much!!!!!!!!

Oh my goodness... they were SO little!

Three whole years later...my big boy still loves being in command of the hose. Still sticks his tongue out too... just like the very first day he ever got ahold of that thing!

The kids just LOVE to play in the pool while it is filling up!

Ashley and Caleb racing across the pool on boogie boards

Waiting for Riley to referee the next race

Ashley and Riley plotting

Ashley taking the race VERY seriously :0)

Cupcakes for Forever Family Day

What Love Really Means

2011-05-26T23:05:00.003-05:00

Everytime I hear this song, my thoughts turn to Caleb's birthmother. I have been thinking so much about her lately. I always think about her and pray for her, but lately we have been considering finding her, so my thoughts of her have become even more frequent. We heard so much about her in court... most of it was very negative. I will never forget all of the testimony and how it cut into my heart bit by bit. It was physically painful to hear of her unbringing and life as a young adult. The testimony culminated with the story of the birth of my son and the account of the only and last few weeks she was with him. The story ended in silence and then I saw the judge, translators, Ministry of Education workers, etc. all looking down and shaking their heads. Then the translation of the last utterance came... the translator looked right at me and stated flatly in English, "She was not a good mother". That statement and the judgement of it still resounds in my mind exactly three years later.
I used to be angry with Caleb's birthmother. I used to scream at her in my heart while Caleb was screaming out all of his pain, anger, sorrow... Finally I came to a place where I knew I had to forgive her. I knew I could judge her no longer.... not unless I was willing to judge myself first. I am so far from being faultless... and I grew up with 2 loving parents and everything I could ever need. What would I have become in her situation?
On that very day, God gave me the gift of loving Caleb's birthmother. Jesus has helped me to see her as HE sees her. As wortthy. With the potential to be washed as white as snow.

The same way He sees me.

The same way He sees you.

Now I pray daily that she will come to know what love really means... that she will be surrounded by and filled with Christ's love. That she will open her heart and let Him in, so He can show her the love that she has never known in all of her 26 years here on earth.

I came across this poem today. They are the perfect words for how I feel....

A Birthday
It’s my child's birthday today.
He just went dashing by me, his eyes sparkling with the excitement only meant for today.
Presents, kisses, hugs, cake, ice cream... it all seems so natural.
It’s a day for looking back and looking forward.
It's my child’s birthday today.
But there’s something very different happening inside of me.
This should be a day of complete joy, a day for thanksgiving.
But I’m stopped in the midst of all this excitement.
I’m stopped because my thoughts are with someone else for a time.
It’s my child’s birthday today.
I have no memories of his life growing inside of me and fighting to be released.
I have no memories from the beginning months of his life.
Another someone was there.
Another someone suffered for our joy.
It’s my child’s birthday today.
But someone somewhere is feeling emptiness inside.
I wonder if she is wondering... wondering who he looks like.
Wondering how big, how small.
Wondering if he laughs much.
Wondering if he will wonder someday, too.
It’s my child’s birthday today.
And in the midst of this blessed day that was given to me, I have a prayer.
Oh God, that I many never forget that someone suffered so much to give life to my child.
That someone loved my child so very much in that she gave him the gift of life.
May I never forget for a moment and especially now, today, to offer a prayer of thanks for that someone.
And that you, dear God, can always be there by that someone to help her through the hurts she will have
When she stops to think that today is my child’s birthday.

Girls Only Weekend :0)

2011-05-13T18:04:00.004-05:00

The girls and I had a great time at my sister's bridal shower! It was our first girls-only trip... the boys got to stay home and have a boys-only weekend. By all accounts, sounds like they had a great time without us! LOL :0)
Guess we'll have to do it again sometime!
Click here to view photos

Steven Curtis Chapman - When Love Takes You In

2011-05-02T21:52:00.006-05:00

I still think this song is one of the most moving songs I have ever heard. The first time I ever heard it, we were waiting for our referral from Russia. I sat and wept as I thought about my baby boy so far away in Russia without his Mama to hold him. I wanted so desperately to be there... I wanted to control everything... I was struggling to face the reality that my baby is really God's baby... and that He would unite Mama and son when it was time. I had professed to love Jesus before that night, but that was the night I finally started to understand that I needed to fully surrender and allow God to do as HE willed. Not that is was easy after that... it wasn't. I had to make a choice every day to give it all to God and to allow His love to take ME in. I held on to the words of this song not only as a promise to my fourth child so far away, but as a promise to me also... that I was right where God wanted me to be.

The Chapman family played a huge role in inspiring our family to move ahead in our adoption journey. To learn more about them and the incredible things they are doing for adoption and orphan care, go to
www.stevencurtischapman.com/adopt and...
http://www.showhope.org/

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future.
Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity.
I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the Lord,
"and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."
Jeremiah 29:11-14

The Adoption Crusade | Christianity Today | A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction

2011-04-28T12:07:00.000-05:00

The Adoption Crusade Christianity Today A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction
I love this article... brings up a lot of valid points. Check it out!

Revelation Song

2011-04-22T16:59:00.003-05:00

This video includes scenes from Passion of The Christ. If you have never seen it, I strongly recommend you do. Truly gave me a much deeper anderstanding and appreciation of Jesus' death and resurrection.
Leaves me in complete awe...

Be sure to stop the music player at the bottom of this blog.

Caleb is 5!

2011-04-18T23:41:00.001-05:00

How can my baby really be 5? This year, Caleb had his first big birthday party. For his 3rd and 4th birthdays, we kept things pretty low-key, and had very small family parties at home. This year, C asked to have a big party with "all of his friends". We felt he was ready for it, so we agreed. C ended up having his party at a local bounce house and C had the time of his life! It was so precious to watch him truly enjoy being the center of attention! It just warmed my heart through and through to watch him have so much fun!

Bashful but elated as his friends sang "Happy Birthday" to him- check out his sweaty head!

The Birthday Boy with his favorite thing... sugar!!!!

C with one of his best buds

The slides were sooooo much fun!

C with his other best bud

I think Andrew had a little bit too much bouncing :0)

Boy From Baby House 10

2011-04-15T21:56:00.001-05:00

I've talked about this book on this blog before, but if you haven't read it, at least take a few minutes to watch this Dateline NBC presentation about it. Andrew watched it with me and was riveted. This is an incredible true story of a Russian orphan adopted by an American woman... there are so many miracles woven into this boy's story. Check it out at http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032600/

Da is the Very Best Word I've EVER Heard!

2011-04-13T23:25:00.000-05:00

The judge said Da to the Parks! Now Aleksandr has a Mama and Papa FOREVER!!!!!!!!

Praise GOD!!!!!!!!!

check out their blog at http://www.parkadoption.blogspot.com/

Attachment Help

2011-03-25T09:59:00.000-05:00

A few people have asked me some questions about attachment after reading the recent post on Caleb's recent attachment progress. Here's a great recorded radio show that really goes through all of the basics of identifying attachment issues and methods / resources for dealing with them.

www.creatingafamily.org/radioplayer once you're there, go to the program dated April 21,2010, entitled
"What is Happening With Russian Adoptions / Raising a Child With Attachment Issues

Great program for any family dealing with these issues- not just children adopted from Russian orphanages.

Third Day | Third Day Shines Spotlight On Adoption With Video For "Children Of God" | TodaysChristianMusic.com

2011-03-24T13:22:00.001-05:00

Third Day Third Day Shines Spotlight On Adoption With Video For "Children Of God" TodaysChristianMusic.com

Watch the video in the post below :0)

"Children Of God" - Official Music Video

2011-03-23T12:28:00.001-05:00

Third Day's new song... I just love this video! It is absolutely beautiful!
Mute the player music on this blog and check it out :0)

The Sweetest Little Miracles

2011-03-21T23:10:00.007-05:00

Caleb has been home for over two and a half years now, but we are still seeing increasing signs of attachment. I remember the first time our therapist told me full attachment can take 3-4 years for a child who comes home at two or older. I almost got up and left her office right then! The thought terrified me and angered me all at the same time. Caleb had only been home for a year at that time. It seemed impossible to me that a child who had only been on this earth for 24 months (25 in Caleb's case). would take longer than 24 months to fully attach. Was she crazy? How hard could it be to love and to allow oneself to be loved???? Little did I know it then, but she couldn't have been more right. And so began my journey to reality, helped along by countless hours and sleepless nights spent learning all I possibly could on the subject of...

ATTACHMENT.

Clearly, there are many factors that influence attachment, such as: age at adoption, fetal health, previous experience with attachment to one or two loving adults, consistent care, disposition of the child, and exposure to previous and current traumatic events (the transition from orphanage living to living in a family counts as seriously traumatic for many kids). Some kids attach quickly and relatively easily. In Caleb's case, though, most of his history clearly indicated that he would struggle. It took me a long time to come to terms with this. It is so difficult to want to give you child love, peace and security, only to end up feeling as though you are failing him. I am the Mommy, and Mommies are supposed to make everything better for their babies.

One thing I can say about our attachment struggles is that I wouldn't trade them for the world. I have learned to let go of the fear and the overanalyzing. Now I just live in the positives of today (or perhaps yesterday or last week if today is not going so well). No longer do I take the peace and joy in my childrens' hearts for granted.

Hmmm... this is something the therapist wanted me to work on even at the 1 year home mark. Better late than never, right?

Anyway, I have learned to appreciate even the smallest of loving gestures. I cannot tell you how absolutely amazing it is when I hear my son's sweet voice singing, "I love my Mama, she is the bestest Mama ever", when I am in the other room and he doesn't know I am listening. When he isn't saying those things because he knows he should say them, but he is saying those things because he really feels that way in that moment. Truly, the room starts spinning and I am on cloud nine when my son stops what he is doing just to run up to me, cup my face in his hands, and tell me how glad he is that I am his Mama. My heart nearly stops as his big blue eyes search to lock with mine, as they silently echo the sentiment. Don't get me wrong, I have always adored hearing all of my children speak so lovingly and sweetly. I LOVE when I can nearly SEE their little hearts spilling over with love and contentment. It is so huge to KNOW that you are loved... to rest in that fact... to relish that fact. This has not always been the case with my Caleb, so when I see that joy and contentment in him, it takes all the strength I've got to keep from screaming out loud with joy. I don't want to scare the poor child, after all!

Some of the things that have been happening lately are really big, and I need to blog so I won't forget them.

Last week, Caleb came to me in the night and said he needed me because he was scared. He has never done this before. In the past, he has only called for me / cried in his sleep.

A few weeks ago, Caleb was not feeling well and actually slept soundly and contentedly between D and I for several hours. He even wrapped his little arm around me in his sleep. Obviously, I didn't sleep much... I was trying to relish every moment. As a mom to 3 older kids, I honestly never thought I would be lying in the dark in the middle of the night just giddy that my kid was in bed next to me and hanging on me!
In the past, C has always had trouble sleeping near anyone. He always likes to sleep alone, so this accomplishment is really, really huge.

When we went out of town for 2 nights a few weeks ago, C stayed with Grandma and Grandpa for the first time. On the second day, he cried and said he missed his Mommy and Daddy. Granted, he has never stayed without us for quite so long before, but C has stayed overnight at Grandma's and Grandpa's a few times before(in the past year- never before that b/c of needing to bond with us). In the past, he has never cried because he wanted to go home... he has only cried because he didn't want to be home.

During a hockey weekend away about a month or so ago, Caleb got teary and told me he missed his home. Once we did arrive back home, he told me he was soooooo happy we were home. He even ran to his room and dove in his bed to hug his pillow. Another new one for him! He's the kind of kid who can't wait to go somewhere and never wants the adventure to end.

Last thing... C has always been fairly aggressive with the dog. He figured out early on that he could control her, so he would often poke her, hit her, pull her tail, etc. when I was not looking. Honestly, it's crazy to me that he is that bold, given the fact that she outweighs him by about 40 pounds. Unfortunately (or fortunately), Sadie just takes all of the abuse and has never retaliated. We have been working with C quite a bit on this behavior. Whenever he is upset, he tends to feel the need to control, so he uses the dog as an outlet. We have been working on other outlets and I am so proud of C, because he is really doing well with this. Lately, he comes to me more often than not to let me know he is upset and needs a hug. There have been a few times I have even caught him using her as a comfort in a completely normal way. Yesterday, I walked in on him with her and saw him lying next to her and petting her gently. He told me he was sad and she was helping him to feel better. To be honest, I had rounded the corner steeling my heart for the gentle reprimand (and resulting fit) that would need to come as soon as I laid my eyes on him treating her poorly AGAIN. And yet, that is not at all what I found around the corner. That left me awestruck.

I look forward to what each new day will bring, as God is still doing miracles in Caleb's heart! How awesome it is, not only to have a front row seat, but to actually get to see, touch and feel the miracles God is creating :0)

If you are interested in reading more about attachment, check out
http://www.onethankfulmom.com/

Mileage????

2011-03-03T21:37:00.002-06:00

Note: These P.J.'s are only one season old and this child owns 2 pairs of footie P.J.'s. Yes, they were brand new when footie P.J. wear'in weather began a few months ago... and, no, the other pair did not fare any better than the pair depicted.
Can someone tell me what this child does to make his P.J.'s look this way? Clearly I am missing something, because during most of his waking hours, C wears socks and shoes... or he's barefoot.
Hmmmm...

The Park Family Has a Court Date!!!!!!!!!

2011-03-01T09:47:00.000-06:00

The Park Family has received a court date to bring Aleksandr home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please check their blog at parkadoption.blogspot.com to read more. Please pray for this family. We love them so dearly and can't wait to hear the news that Aleksandr is home forever with his 4 brothers. God is about to do another miracle!!!

A Fun Christmas Surprise!

2011-01-02T15:51:00.011-06:00

Hope you all had a VERY Merry Christmas! We had a great one here, despite the fact that it was all over much too soon :0( Andrew will be 10 years old in just 2 days, so I realize I don't have much longer to celebrate Christmas in such a fun and childlike way (although, there will hopefully be grandchildren someday...). I just love the JOY children bring to Christmas. Yes, it is all SO very tiring, but the smiles and laughter makes it all SOOOOOO worthwhile. And the family time we get to enjoy is priceless.
The biggest highlight this year was snow and sledding on Christmas eve. We got to go to Christmas eve service with our hair still wet from our time spent sledding together. Honestly, I'm fairly certain that was one of the best family times we have ever had. We went to a local park with some huge sledding hills and there weren't many other people there (not many people are crazy enough to go to a park with huge hills on the entrance drive during a snowstorm!). The snow was pouring out of the sky, and everything was so white and pristine. I just love how quiet and beautiful it is when the snow is coming down like that. And our kids had SO MUCH FUN!!! I can't say I have ever been sledding on Christmas Eve before. It was certainly worth ignoring the final Christmas preparations that needed to be completed at home. They got done later... MUCH later :0)

Caleb's Christmas Program

2010-12-24T12:22:00.000-06:00

Caleb's preschool program did not disappoint! He looked absolutely PRECIOUS up there, just singing his little heart out :0) Singing Jingle Bells was a highlight for Caleb because he got to ring jingle bells during the song- he talked about this every single day for two months and just COULD NOT wait to get to do this in front of an audience! My biggest fear is that he would not let go of them when the song ended and it came time for the teacher to collect them from all of the kids. Much to my relief, Caleb did relinquish the bells without a fuss! He just had to sueeze in that little extra ring first!!! LOL :0)

Proud Mama

2010-12-02T14:58:00.006-06:00

My oldest is such an awesome kid! He is my firstborn and will always have a very special place in my heart because of that. His quirky sense of humor is just the absolute best! His ultra deep heart is one of the other gifts God gave him that I cherish. I thank God for every moment I get to spend with him, and I miss him when we are not together. On top of it all, Andrew is a very responsible kid and I am so proud of the young man he is becoming (despite the fact that I am protesting the speed at which this seems to be happening).

*sniff*

Just recently, Andrew got his report card and he is now an HONOR ROLL student!

Straight A's!!!!!!!! Woo-hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You go, boy :0)

All Things Hockey

2010-11-22T18:00:00.005-06:00

Hockey season is in full swing, and C is loving it! Between Andrew playing travel and C playing developmental (3x per week), our life is all about hockey right now. It is impressive how quickly C has gone from falling 32 times per minute, to actually skating in full gear for an hour with a stick in hand.

The icing on the cake for C is watching the Zamboni at the end of practice before the big boys take the ice. He is officially obsessed with everything Zamboni.

I just hope the Zamboni guy is cool with being stalked :0)

Waiting for the Zamboni to come by

Here it comes! This just THRILLS Caleb every time.

Caleb stops to chat with his friend, Henry

C in action. Sorry for the poor quality, this pic is taken through the net.

What a cutie pie!!!!!!!

Thumbs Up For Preschool!

2010-11-16T09:41:00.001-06:00

Caleb has been attending preschool 2 mornings a week since the beginning of September. I have held off posting on his progress until I felt he was really settled. Oftentimes, Caleb starts out really well in a new situation, but slides into bad behavior slowly after a few weeks. Situations like church and school are very stressful for him because there are so many other kids around and overstimulation is a big threat. Perhaps these situations remind him of living in the orphanage... always around so many other people... having to fend for himself. There is also the fear of abandonment (very real in his mind). In the past year or two, he has often told me he is afraid I will never come back to get him. He even has nightmares about it. Breaks my heart. Of course, I always reassure him that I will ALWAYS come back. That I will ALWAYS be his Mama and he will ALWAYS be my baby. I explain to him that that is how God designed it. Once you have a forever Mama, it really is FOREVER. We talk about this every day. We spent all summer working on his understanding of our relationship and how solid it is. We prayed that C would grow to completely rest in our love for him every day.

And then September came.

I must admit, I was extremely nervous about preschool. I had no idea how C would take it. I was worried he would relapse into the angry and frightened little boy he once was. That he would feel somehow threatened by the experience. Now that we are 2 solid months in, I can safely say none of my fears have turned into reality, despite the fact that we have also thrown the stress of hockey into the mix. Caleb has done amazingly well and he absolutely loves school! He even got a perfect midterm report from his teacher 2 weeks ago. We are SOOOOOOO very proud :0)

I never cease to be amazed with my baby and how faithful God has been!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was "dress silly day", so that's why all of the kids in the video look the way they do :0)

Back to Siberia

2010-11-13T01:09:00.001-06:00

Goodness! I just can't sleep!!!!
The day has finally arrived, and the Parks (see Oct. 12th post below) are on a plane over the North Pole right now at this moment... on their way to meet their son in Siberia for the very first time. Last time they were on this journey, we were with them... meeting our son for the very first time. What a precious moment!
Please pray for the journey this time around to go smoothly (just as it did last time) and for the visit with their son to fill their hearts with heaps of joy that they can hold on to until they can return to take him home forever! Please also pray for their 4 boys at home, that their child hearts are filled with a peace and understanding that only God can give.
I just can't wait to see that precious little face! I am about to become an Auntie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Halloween

2010-11-08T21:55:00.001-06:00

Halloween went off without a hitch this year!!! What a relief :0) Last year was a disaster for Ashley and Riley, who both got sick shortly after I finished taking pictures last year :0(
This year, all of the kids had a blast! The older 3 love Trick-or-Treating with Caleb because they only have to follow behind him and he does all of the work (they are quite shy around adults and before Caleb came along, I would be the one to have to knock on doors or ring the doorbells). The only difficult part for the big kids is keeping up with their very outgoing and determined little brother. He is a Halloween pro :0)
This year, Caleb was joined by his equally outgoing and determined best buddy, Logan (A.K.A. Superman). They were an unstoppable superhero duo!!!

Cowgirl (Ash). Hockey Player, Batman and Gypsy (Ril)

2 seconds before start time! This kid was EXCITED!!!!

The face says it all!

Check Out This Video (and then read Crazy Love)

2010-10-27T09:24:00.004-05:00

I've decided that every now and then, I need to talk about the books that have truly changed the way I view life and God's plan for me in this life. Francis Chan's book, "Crazy Love" is incredible! I strongly encourage you to check it out. Not a huge expense or time commitment, just amazing :0)

I Love My Girls!

2010-10-24T18:32:00.003-05:00

Just a few days ago, I took the girls outside for a little photo shoot. It has been so beautiful here lately, so I wanted to take advantage of the awesome fall weather. I got lucky this time, because BOTH girls decided to cooperate (Riley really dispises being photographed). They even happily (!!!!!) posed for a few pics together, which is very rare.

Ashley- she is so photogenic :0)

Riley and Ashley

The girls wanted a pic hanging upside down

Riley- my sweetie pie

Orphan Sunday is Coming Soon

2010-10-20T12:33:00.001-05:00

Why Love Orphans? from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vim

Elijah's (Mikhail's) Little Brother

2010-10-12T18:05:00.003-05:00

This is a picture of the Park family. The cutie in the middle is Elijah (his Russian name is Mikhail). This picture was taken in June 2008 in a hotel lobby in Moscow, just a few hours before Elijah finally got to go home and be with his Mommy and Daddy (and 3 brothers in America) FOREVER!

Elijah lived in the orphanage with Caleb. Elijah and Caleb received the gift of forever families on the same day. We spent a total of (just about) 5 weeks in Russia with this precious family. D and I still thank God everyday for giving us such incredible friends. We got to share every moment of our adoption journeys together. We never would have made it without them!

To us, Elijah and Caleb are brothers.

Now the Elijah's parents are in the process of going back to Russia to adopt Elijah's baby brother, Alexander, from the same baby house in Siberia.

Please pray for this family. They will most likely be receiving their official referral very soon, which means their first trip to Russia will be in the next few weeks. They do not have the funds at this time to complete the adoption of Alexander.

To learn more, go to http://www.parkadoption.blogspot.com/

A Heart That Breaks Over and Over Again

2010-09-23T22:47:00.005-05:00

2 years and 9 months ago, I experienced God's presence and peace in a way I never had before. A long and difficult journey that sometimes seemed as dark as night was ending.... ending in a radiant joy that could only come in knowing D and I were right where God had led us to be... and that He was right there with us.

2 years and 9 month ago, at that exact same moment, my heart was shattered into a million tiny little pieces as I walked into a Siberian orphanage for the first time. I never knew my heart could be so full of joy and be breaking all at once. We were finally there to meet our son! But my heart and mind were screaming at me, telling me something was very wrong.

There was no sound.

"Where do they keep all the babies?", I thought.

"Surely they must be in another building."

But just as quickly as I had the thought, my son was led into the room.

Silent.
Still.
His beautiful little face expressionless.
Head down.
Eyes on the floor.

No one reassured him. No one held him

There he stood... all alone.

I became angry.

Why weren't they telling him what was going on? Why wasn't anyone holding him?

I was afraid to touch him. Never in all my life have I just waltzed into a room to immediately scoop up a toddler who doesn't even know me... not without another grown-up helping with the transition.
I waited another moment, but nothing happened.
Finally, I could not wait one more second to hold him. To comfort him. To tell him that his Mama had finally found him!

He didn't even react as I walked toward him and picked him up.
His little body remained stiff and did not mold to mine.
He did not cling to me the way other babies do.
I had to take his little legs and wrap them around me.
He backed away from me as much as he could and froze in that position.

In that moment, I began to grip the reality of what living in an orphanage from birth does to a child.

A few months later, we got to return to Russia to finally bring our son home.

The orphanage was the same.

So quiet. So hard to believe that baby house was home to 180 babies. Their little spirits had been turned off. Frozen because there were just not enough caregivers to repond to all of those infant cries.

For 2 years and 9 months, I have lived with the memory of all of those precious babies. So many of their little faces are forever etched in my heart and mind.

My son has love now. We have spent 2 years and 4 months praying and working to thaw his little frozen heart. And God has been faithful. Oh so very faithful.

Our son has found his voice.
He begs to be held now.
He loves to cuddle with his Mommy and Daddy now.
He looks right into our eyes now.
He knows he has worth.
His soul is alive!

But what about all of those other babies?
Not just in that one orphanage, but what about ALL of the precious children all over the world who have no one to call their own? No one to call Mommy and Daddy. No one to tell them they are fearfully and wonderfully made by a loving God.

God breaks my heart every day over their precious souls. I have cried rivers of tears for them almost every day for 2 years and 9 months now.

I used to beg God to heal my broken heart. I was tired of being so sad all the time.
Now I thank God for breaking my heart every day. It finally makes sense.

He breaks my heart so I never can forget.

Please take the time to listen to the following message.

http://www.covlife.org/resources/3728831-Christ_in_an%20_OrphanMaking_Culture

Wrapp'in Up

2010-09-01T22:13:00.003-05:00

Time to tell what has been going on in this crazy life of ours for the past few weeks. Gosh, I really have slacked on the blog front :0(   I feel like I have been on a wild amusement park ride... whirling around so quickly, I am laughing and crying all at the same time from the pure thrill of it all. The ride is slowing down enough now that the things around me are starting to come into focus... kinda.
Wow! What a ride!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Clearly Caleb felt the strain of the past few weeks. For about 5 weeks, he went back to asking for his bottle every morning. And every time, just as he had settled into my arms, he would look up and ask, "Mama, are the big kids going to school TODAY?" Every day, the answer was the same. "No baby, not today", I would reply, "it will be a while still."   Caleb would frown and whimper in response and say, "Awwwwww man! I was hoping it would be today... I want it to be just me and you!"

What a sweet little man! How awesome is it that he knew what he needed and he asked for it.  And guess what?  Since the day the kids started back to school, I have not heard one word about the bottle. Hmmm... we'll see what happens when he starts preschool next week and hockey a few weeks after that.

So here is what we have been up to since I last posted (warning: this is not a comprehensive list):
baseball, gymnastics, hockey (for Andrew), 2-day trip to St. Louis, Children's Museum, 6 birthday parties in three weeks, sibling fighting, visited 3 water parks, Grandma and Grandpa came to visit, Ashley and Riley's 8th birthday, Ashley and Riley's birthday slumber party (8 little girls don't sleep much, but D and i survived!!!!), friends baptized, babies born, playdates, lots of random swimming at our house (usually including at least 2 or 3 neighborhood children), even more end-of-summer sibling fighting, several random sleep-overs, playing at the park (an attempt at squelching sibling fighting), visits to the library (trying to keep their brains alive until their return to school), Dr. visits, getting ready for school, first week back to school, lots of end-of-summer injuries, one nasty infected spider bite (Caleb), D and I went on a DATE (!!!!), summer colds, several family movie nights and finishing the basement (finally)! Whew! And somehow D and I still went to work and got some occasional sleep in the midst of all of that.

One thing I haven't done at all in the past few weeks:
post on our blog. And I haven't done much cleaning.

Stay tuned for pictures!

An Important Milestone

2010-08-21T10:28:00.000-05:00

The end of July marked a very important milestone for us and for Caleb. He has now been with his forever family longer than he was in the orphanage. I remember when he first came home, this milestone seemed so very far away. Although we still see some lingering orphanage behaviors and we are still working toward complete attachment, Caleb comfort level and ability to trust has grown leaps and bounds over the past 2 years. It is such a blessing that we still get to see a wall come tumbling down every few weeks or so. Just the other day, for example, I saw Caleb come running up to his Daddy out-of-the-blue to give him a huge unsolicited hug and kiss. This is the first time he has ever done this. Giving affection to his Daddy is one of the walls we have longed to see come down. It was thrilling that I got to be there to witness it. How awesome to see D's face light up and Caleb's huge grin! He knew he had just given his Daddy a VERY big gift. Since then, as if to make up for lost time, Caleb regularly re-enacts the moment and has been showering his Daddy with the love that has been withheld for so long. We know God is working in Caleb's heart and now we are getting to see the fruit of His love. Thank you, God for allowing us to be part of this unfolding miracle... we know you are not done yet!

Sand, Surf, Family... and an Engagement!

2010-07-25T14:31:00.004-05:00

Caleb FINALLY at the beach!

We went to the beach!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We had a wonderful week in Maryland visiting family! Caleb has been to MD three times now. On this trip, he FINALLY got to go to the beach when it was warm enough to play in the sand and swim in the ocean (only took two years- sorry buddy!). Caleb LOVED it and we all had so much fun. Thanks to Mom and Dad for letting us all stay at your house- it was crazy and loud, but fun :0) The week was topped off with wonderful news! My sister and her high school sweetheart got engaged!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Looks like we will be attending a wedding at the beach next year :0) We can't wait!!!!!

Cousins- Andrew and Trevor

Riley- NOT a fan of Maryland crabs (loved the restaurant, though!)

Ashley

Riley

Cousin Chloe and Caleb having fun :0)

Suzy and soon-to-be Uncle Myrick! We are so excited :0)

Ashley

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Caleb was a little scared of the water at first, but he got over it!

Caleb loved the sand!

Dr. Karyn Purvis...Invaluable

2010-07-13T16:40:00.001-05:00

Understanding the Importance of Neurotransmitters from Tapestry on Vimeo.

Be sure to stop the music below.

Abba Changes Everything | Christianity Today | A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction

2010-07-09T09:48:00.002-05:00

I just love this article! Thanks to Heather for sharing this!
Abba Changes Everything Christianity Today A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction

Tonight's Sunset... Incredible

2010-06-27T21:30:00.005-05:00

I know reminders of God's majesty and creation are all around me all the time, but sometimes I just love being confronted with something I absolutely cannot ignore. Something that draws me out of the busyness of life and forces me to leave it all behind for a few moments... a drop-everything-and-breathlessly-take-it-in kind of display. Tonight's sunset was that kind of sight.

Amazing!

Belated Forever Family Day

2010-06-20T15:29:00.001-05:00

Can you guess which movie we saw this weekend? We wanted to see this movie on Forever Family Day (June 11th), but we had to wait until yesterday to see it since it just opened on Friday. It was worth the wait! All 6 of us loved it... AND it was Caleb's first big screen movie! Now Woody and Buzz follow us wherever we go. The kids insisted they come outside to eat dinner with us on the patio last night. Caleb wanted his picture taken with them. Aside from the movie, our day was filled with baseball, swimming and ice cream! Fun was had by all :0)

Caleb loves playing baseball!

To be fair, it was VERY hot and almost naptime!

Wow! I LOVE these videos!!!!!

2010-06-18T14:40:00.002-05:00

These videos are incredible! Soooooooo helpful for anyone who has a child with attachment/ PI / behavior issues. Thanks to Amy for reminding me to watch these. I've watched about 10 so far and can't wait to watch them all. Thanks Laura for sharing these on your blog!

Happy Gotcha Day, Dimka-Doodle!

2010-05-30T16:25:00.004-05:00

Happy Gotcha Day to my baby of the bunch! I absolutely cannot believe it has really been 2 years since we left the orphanage with Caleb safely in our arms forever. I know many miracles took place on our journey to our son and I am still awestruck when I reflect on them. Our God is an AWESOME God!

So how is Caleb celebrating his very special day? Well, he woke up to the smell of blueberry muffins (his favorite) and got to hear the story of the very first Gotcha Day. Then, we went to church and had a great morning! After church, Caleb got a Happy Meal for lunch at his request and gobbled it right up. Now, C-monkey is spending the afternoon swimming to his heart''s content, which is a real dream-come-true for him (no nap enforced today!). Later Grandma and Grandpa will come over for a family BBQ in the backyard. Should be fun!!!

Happy Gotcha Day, Dimka-Doodle! We love you so VERY MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Salute

2010-05-25T16:56:00.001-05:00

I just had to put this on here... it is just too cute! As soon as I added the Russian National Anthem to our blog, I was reminded of something. Whenever it plays, he does this...

We discovered this fact shortly after he came home almost 2 years ago. We just happened to be watching Rocky IV, and as soon as the anthem started (Ivan Drago is getting ready to fight Rocky- he is Russian), Caleb stopped playing, stood up, situated himself within a few inches of the TV, and saluted the TV for the entire duration of the song. That was quite a sight, watching a 2 year-old do that. My guess is the kids in the baby house were taught to do this- maybe they did it every day, kind of like the kids here recite the Pledge of Allegiance.

Fast forward 2 years and Caleb is still well-trained and will drop whatever he is doing to fulfill his duty. In the pic above, he was right in the middle of eating when the anthem started to play. Too cute :0)

Keep'in it Russian- Part One

2010-05-18T16:12:00.004-05:00

Keeping Russian culture and reminders of Russia in our daily lives as much as possible is a goal D and I have for our family. We want C to grow up feeling proud of who he is and we want him to know that we are all feel very deeply about his place of birth. We know Russia made a sacrifice when they allowed C to become a part of our family and grow up in the U.S.... we haven't forgotten that fact.

We have done a lot of things to keep Russia in our lives, and I don't have the time to go through all of them (I'll do that in the next post), but here's one I love. I love it because D did this one all on his own. He's such a good Daddy :0)

Since Andrew is a hockey player and Caleb aspires to be the same, D thought it would be really special for them to have Krasnoyarsk hockey jerseys. Andrew has already worn his on the ice during practice. He looked pretty cool in it and was really proud to have a Russian hockey jersey. I just love the fact that he can tell people he has actually been to Krasnoyarsk. It truly was a blessing to get to share that experience with our oldest son. And it is so special that he can tell his little brother stories all about the things we saw and did there together.

Someday Caleb will get to wear his jersey while he is playing hockey and he'll get to tell people that he is actually from Kras.

Caleb is 4!

2010-04-21T17:35:00.007-05:00

Caleb Rides a Bike!

2010-04-13T09:16:00.008-05:00

Last night, Caleb decided it was time to ride a bike. Once you watch the video, it will surprise you to know he doesn't even have a bike (the one he's riding in the video belongs to a friend and he just loaned it to Caleb last night). His best buddy's dad gave him a one minute training session and then off he went! I was quite surprised to come outside and see this...

Just like that.

I'm still in awe that Caleb could accomplish such a thing so quickly. He is such a determined little boy! This is the same child who could not even walk very well when we met him at 20 months of age... and the same boy who always had bruises on his head during the first year home because he would forget to look where he was going as he walked. Even just a few months ago in Disney World, he walked full throttle right into a big metal trashcan. Needless to say, the trachcan didn't budge, but Caleb made quite a noise bouncing off of it. Poor guy! Caused quite a stir amongst onlookers.

Anyway, I am quite proud of our little guy and how far he has come. With our other three kids, riding a bike was a huge accomplishment in and of itself. For Caleb, it is so much more.

Pardon me while I cry...

My baby is growing up.

Easter

2010-04-06T15:07:00.005-05:00

Some of Caleb's loot- we try our best to keep the candy volume down and the message of Easter included!

Easter morning before church

We had a great Easter! The weather was beautiful (no snow!). The kids woke up to very full Easter baskets, so of course they had chocolate bunnies and jelly beans for breakfast (isn't that what all kids have for breakfast on Easter morning?). A very short time later, they were eating more candy from the eggs they collected during the Helicopter drop Easter egg hunt at church. It's always fun to see thousands of candy-filled eggs fall from the sky!

After an awesome church service and lunch, the kids were cut off from their candy, so we could enjoy a yummy Easter dinner with Grandma and Grandpa.
Favorite Easter memory from this year?

The song playing is the song they sang for closing at church today. Throughout the song, our 2 girls and one of their friends from church sang at the top of their lungs and did all of the motions that go with it (they learned these in kids worship). It was so moving to me to watch their joy in God's love. How awesome that Christ died for all of us!?! The icing on the cake is that our kids are excited about it.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life Lesson: You Win Some, You Lose Some

2010-03-03T08:49:00.004-06:00

Caleb learned the hard way this past weekend that sometimes you lose- even if you gave your best effort... and he wasn't even the one giving the effort.
Andrew had a hockey tournament all last week and the entire family attended every game. Caleb LOVES to watch hockey- especially if his big brother is playing. The first three games went really well and Andrew's team won all of them. By the time the fourth one came last Friday night, we were all in a hockey fervor (the Olympic hockey we were watching at home during the same period of time fed right into it). Just 2 wins more and Andrew's team would play the final game on the ice of the area's minor league team. A big deal.
With that said, Andrew's team was playing to win.
The problem?
The other team was playing to win too.
Friday's hockey game was a riveting one. Tensions in the stands were high, and Caleb picked up on that. He knew this game was important. He cheered loudly and constantly for his brother and his team (which was so sweet to watch!). In the third period with only seconds to go, Andrew's team was down one goal. People all around us were cheering wildly for Andrew's team to take a shot. Andrew was playing defense and defended a shot taken on his team's goal. With three seconds left on the clock, one of the boys on Andrew's team took charge of the puck and raced down the ice to take a shot. The stands erupted. The shot was taken and the puck started to cross the line. The clock's buzzer blared. We were left not knowing if the goal counted. If it counted, the game would go into overtime. We waited for the ref's call.
"No goal", I heard a grandpa behind me say.
"It's over. They lost.", Dennis said flatly.
I turned to get Caleb and the girls ready to go, and that's when it happened.
Caleb's sweet little face slowly scrunched up into a huge pout as he absorbed the reality. And then he began to wail.
I asked him why he was crying and he sobbed, "because they lost... Andrew lost".
Poor guy. The tears were streaming down his face and he could not be consoled.
The Zamboni finally came out and that helped a little, but Caleb continued to pout.
As soon as Andrew came out of the locker room, Caleb started to cry all over again. He ran up to Andrew and through his tears said, "I'm sorry you lost Andrew".
Andrew's reaction was precious... he scooped his little brother up in a big hug and said, "It's O.K., buddy, I can't always win" (Dennis told me later that Andrew had been pretty upset in the locker room, so for him to pull it together like that for his little brother made us both proud :0).
And with that, Caleb's world was set right again.
He was a little sad 2 days later when Team U.S.A. lost the hockey game to Canada in overtime, but after just a few minutes, Caleb said, "Don't worry, Mommy. They played a good game".
That's right, buddy. And that's what really matters.

Long Time, No Post

2010-02-19T08:39:00.005-06:00

Goodness! I have been terrible at blogging lately. Why have I not been posting, you ask? I'm just going to go ahead and admit it...

I'm addicted to the Olympics.

There, I said it. I can't stop watching. And I have succeeded in getting my kids to take up the habit too. There could be much worse things.

Anyway, I am making an atttempt today to pull myself away from the Olympics and post. Gosh, I never even posted about our trip to Disney. We had so much fun! Caleb was finally tall enough this year to ride some of the "big kid" rides. He was soooooo proud of that fact! He was so determined to ride everything he possibly could... even to and past the point of not paying his well-intentioned mother any heed when she warned him about the fact that the Tower of Terror has the word "terror" in it for a reason. Yup, you can guess what I am about to tell you.

Caleb rode the Tower of Terror.

Yes, he is just 3 1/2 years old.

Yes, I felt horrible for caving in to his demands to ride it after the fact.

Yup, you guessed right again- he hated it. As a matter of fact, he was TERRIFIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No surprise. Now he truly understands the word TERROR. Hmmm... I guess Mommy was right after all.

Imagine that.

On the flip side, Caleb got kissed by Snow White. That alone made up for the whole Tower of Terror thing.

The Dance

2010-01-18T22:28:00.008-06:00

I remember reading a blog post a long time ago on another adoptive mom's blog. She entitled the post "The Dance". In this particular post, she was describing how the adopted post-institutionalized child and the parent must go through many trials and much practice before they can learn to "dance" with one another. She went on to describe how the child and the parent are , in the beginning, from two entirely different worlds. They come into the parent-child relationship almost polar-opposite expectations and routines... and yet, they must somehow learn to make their relationship work.

At first, the relationship is often dischordant... a battle of two very developed and defined wills. Neither wants to give in to the other. One does not understand the other. The parent wants the child to surrender and conform... to WANT to be loved. The child wants the parent to stop threatening his very survival by taking the one thing he owns, which is control. He does not know what love is... so why would he want it?

Over time, the parent must consistently SHOW the child love. That it is safe. That it is what God wants for him. The parent must also endure consistent rejection, but continue to press on. The parent must demonstrate and continually offer UNCONDITIONAL love, not expecting anything in return. The parent does this for what seems like an eternity, and then...

a MIRACLE happens.

The child starts to return affection. He begins to demonstrate a desire for boundaries. A peace fills his little soul. It is evident in everything he says and does.

For the first time, the child reaches out to the parent...

And the parent returns the embrace.

And they DANCE.

It is an absolutely INCREDIBLE moment the first time it happens.

And even more amazing when the parent realizes the deeply woven bond is FOREVER.

My son and I have weathered our journey together with the help of God's constant love. I know this is not how it is for all families, but this is how it was and is for us. We still have some issues to work on, but I know we can overcome the remaining obstacles because C and I will face them together. Rather than pushing away, I can feel him drawing closer every day.

Thank you, Lord for teaching us to DANCE!

Deep Freeze

2010-01-09T09:45:00.006-06:00

Caleb's first time going "real" sledding (meaning down a BIG hill)
We now have LOTS of snow

Our view out the back window this morning

Caleb wanted me to include this pic b/c his gingerbread houses look just like our house

Just wanted to include a pic where the kids look warm- plus it's cute!

Lots of hot chocolate around our house lately

Andrew and Caleb playing in the snow in the backyard

Caleb holding one of the massive icicles

Snow covered Andrew

Riley with the icicle

My Baby Turned 9!

2010-01-08T14:11:00.003-06:00

Well, I tried to stop it from happening, but nothing I tried worked. Andrew turned 9 this week! My sweet baby is not a baby anymore... although, he is still just as sweet. I am so grateful for each and every day I have had with him so far, and I look forward to every day I'll get to have with hin the future. Andrew, I am so proud to be your mom :0)

Happy New Ears :0)

2010-01-02T10:37:00.005-06:00

First thing yesterday morning, I was greeted by Caleb's sweet, smiling face. He cupped my face in his hands and said "Happy New Ears, Mommy!". Then he said, "Can we have another New Ear party tonight? Guess he had fun on New Year's Eve! We had friends over to help us ring in 2010, and we all had a blast!

Caleb loved New Ears!

D and Beans

Ashley was the first to crash about 2 min. after midnight

The Wonder of Christmas

2009-12-30T21:07:00.007-06:00

This one is for Carrie and Amanda...

Wow! This month passed by so quickly! Is tomorrow really New Year's Eve already? I never planned on taking a month off from blogging, but clearly that is exactly what happened.

This year was different from any other Christmas I have ever experienced as a mother. This year, I was painfully aware that the childlike wonder of Christmas is almost over for my oldest three already. I spent every moment of December just trying to soak it all in with them, and it was just wonderful! Our time was spent baking, playing in the snow, singing Christmas carols around the piano together, driving around looking at Christmas lights, shopping and wrapping gifts for family and friends, and talking about what it must have been like that to be Mary or Joseph during the time of Jesus' birth. Understanding of the miracle of Christmas is beginning to take shape in the minds of my oldest three, and I know that their childlike wonder is being replaced with something even better... a deep awe for the gift God gave all of us

For Caleb, the childlike wonder of Christmas began this year. Caleb fell in love with all things Christmas and quickly learned countless songs, learned more about the Christmas story, and just LOVED his visit to Santa. Just like last year, Caleb answered quickly and clearly when Santa asked what he wanted for Christmas. He looked Santa squarely in the eyes and said, "I want drums, please". When Santa asked if he had been good, he looked down and said nothing. Mommy and Daddy had to tell Santa that yes, Caleb had been a good boy this year and that he had made some mistakes, but that he is always learning and improving. Santa agreed that this is indeed what he is wanting to hear, and that Caleb would be getting his drums. And so Caleb got drums for Christmas and has been filling our house with "music" ever since. Thanks, Santa!!! :0)

Merry belated Christmas to you all and may you be filled with Christmas JOY each and every day of the New Year!

Referral Day

2009-11-30T21:51:00.006-06:00

2 years ago today, I laid eyes on my baby for the very first time. What an incredible moment that was! I so wish I could describe in words the joy of that day. D and I had spent 2 years trying to find the answers to so many questions... Where was our son? How would we find him? When would we hear news of him? Was our son being cared for? What would he look like? How old was he? What if we didn't recognize him? ... All of these questions were answered in a fleeting moment 2 years ago on this day. One moment, I did not know the answers to any of the questions, and the next moment, I knew all that mattered was that I had just seen my son for the very first time and that I finally knew where I needed to go to get him! I could not get on that plane fast enough!

Caleb Dmitriy, I am so thankful God chose us to be your Mama and Papa... out of all the parents He could have chosen for you! We will always cherish the miraculous way in which God brought us together. You are such a blessing to us!

Before it Snows...

2009-11-20T12:33:00.002-06:00

Thought I'd try to get some photos of C playing in the leaves before it snows. Around these parts, that could be any day now...

Wish I Could Learn a Foreign Language Like That!

2009-11-09T21:34:00.004-06:00

I put this on here because I am continually amazed at what Caleb has learned in the past year. When I listen to him, it is amazing to me that he once spoke only Russian and that was the case just one short year ago! Incredible...

50% Halloween

2009-11-04T11:31:00.004-06:00

Caleb doing his best Pluto howl

Well, this picture pretty much tells it all if you look closely at Riley in the background. I had worried about the kids getting sick (their school had an extremely high absentee rate all week last week), and just when I thought it was "in the bag" that they would get to go Trick-or-Treating, it all unraveled quickly right before my eyes. This picture was taken just a few minutes before we were to set off for Trick-or-Treating. Ashley and Riley never made it. Not long after this picture was taken, both of my girls were sound asleep in their beds. Poor things! They were so sick :0( They didn't even care that they completely missed the best part of Halloween.

The boys, on the other hand, had a blast! The girls have since recovered and their brothers have ever so sweetly been sharing their candy with them. We're all extremely grateful the girls have made a speedy and complete recovery!

Fall Y'All!

2009-10-27T13:05:00.004-05:00

We finally got a decent day to go to the farm last weekend! We had a blast! The hit this year was the kettle corn station, where we got to watch kettle corn being made. After that, we ate LOTS of kettle corn...YUM!!!!!!! The kids also picked pumpkins and enjoyed the animals. There were plenty of kittens to play with this year! Caleb wasn't so sure what he thought of them. The first time one of the kittens pounced on his leg, the look on his face was priceless :0)

Stay tuned for the big Jack-O-Lantern reveal!

Thanksgiving preview!

A Plain Old Trip to the Gas Station

2009-10-15T20:35:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, I needed gas for my car. I decided to wait to get it until after I picked Caleb up from school, so he could come with me and get a treat if he had behaved in school (we have had a little trouble with C not obeying his new teacher, so we have started rewarding him for a certain # of good reports). As it turned out, C had indeed earned his treat (yippee :0)!!) and we were off to the gas station. To be completely honest, I was so proud of C for behaving well, but I was also nervous about going into the gas station. C usually becomes easily overwhelmed in a new place, especially a small store, chock full of tempting items and people. The thing that causes me the most tension in places like a gas station is C tends to dart away from me extremely quickly and I can lose sight of him really easily. Those situations always give me flashbacks to the time we spent in Russia, where I lived in a state of panic (over the fear of losing my son in a foreign country) for the entire week and a half (even while I was sleeping).
Anyway... we went in, I told C what he could pick, he picked it, and we went to the counter to pay. As we were paying, it suddenly dawned on me! I had, just at that moment, realized that C had stayed with me the entire time we had been in there. I had never had to chase him, I hadn't had to force him to hold my hand... I hadn't even said a word to him about staying with me. As we stood there at the counter, C just chatted away to me and really seemed to be relaxed and enjoying himself. I have never seen him so relaxed... and so ... normal in a situation like that.

Wow!

I am beyond thrilled that C is showing signs of being able to enjoy something as simple as going to the gas station with his Mommy to pick out a well-deserved treat :0)

Sneak Peek into Caleb's Future

2009-10-09T08:46:00.004-05:00

Here's what Caleb said to me out of the blue in the car yesterday (this is mainly going to make sense to people who go to church with us- for those who don't, Chuck is the contemporary music worship leader at our church)...

Caleb: "Mommy, when I grow up, I want to help people."

Me: "That's great buddy! You mean like Daddy?"

Caleb: "Yeah, like Daddy do. He helps lots of peoples."

Me: "Yes he does, buddy. That's awesome that you care about people so much."

Caleb: "Yeah, I do care about peoples. You know what else?"

Me: "What, buddy?"

Caleb: "I also want to be Chuck."

Me: "You mean you want to play music and sing for a church like Chuck does when you're big?"

Caleb: No, I want to BE Chuck!"

Watch out, Chuck! Someone wants to take not only your job, but your identity!

Where Did September Go?

2009-10-01T21:06:00.007-05:00

Is it really Ocrober already? How did that happen? The last few weeks have been so busy... the last days of summer and swimming, Caleb's dedication (I'll have to post about that- it was awesome!), D is teaching a class for the fall semester, fall festivals (Andrew got to ride in the parade in one of the squad cars this year), making s'mores in the backyard, the start of the hockey season, lots of homework, flu shots, and the first cold of the season (comes early here in the Midwest).

Ashley and Riley enjoy the last day of swimming with friends

Riley and her cool butterfly face painting she had done at the JDRF walk

Caleb did NOT like the loud sirens during the parade

Caleb LOVES motorcycles, so this ride thrilled him!

Dennis thought it would be a great idea to send me on this ride with the kids (it was called the tornado and yes, I am deathly afraid of tornados- Robin, you would have tossed your cookies for sure!). Clearly, this is a before picture.

Andrew rode in the squad car in the parade

The fire looks like it is about to burn Caleb up, but I promise you, it was perfectly safe!

Caleb does not see the sense in waiting to roast the marshmellows!

Snakes!

2009-09-19T11:32:00.007-05:00

Here's a first for Caleb I have not been anxiously awaiting...

First time holding a snake.

Grandpa F. took the boys to a snake show recently. This picture really captures Caleb's enthusiasm for snakes, don't you think?

Glad that first is over with and I never had to watch it!

NOW PLAYINGTo Russia with love 1:29

2009-09-12T13:16:00.001-05:00

Mute the music below and check out this inspiring story of a teenage boy from MD, who was adopted from Krasnoyarsk as a baby (be sure to watch the CNN heroes link in the previous post as well). I pray that someday Caleb can have the same sentiment about the city and country where he spent the first two years of his life. We have always planned on bringing him back to visit when he turns 16, so this story really struck a chord in my heart and brought tears to my eyes.

NOW PLAYING
To Russia with love 1:29

NOW PLAYINGCNN Heroes: Alex Griffith 1:37

2009-09-12T13:10:00.000-05:00

NOW PLAYING
CNN Heroes: Alex Griffith 1:37

JOY!

2009-09-09T23:10:00.004-05:00

I was looking through some pictures today and was reminded of this one, which was taken last year on Caleb's first full day home. As soon as everyone was awake that morning, we all went outside to fill our pool (we had promised our girls while we were in Russia that would be the very first thing we would do when we returned home). I just love this picture, because it is the very first moment I had ever seen true JOY on my baby's face... and it was captured forever in a photograph.

What an awesome moment that was!

Time for a Date?

2009-09-02T14:48:00.009-05:00

Last night in the car, D and I were trying to have a meaningful conversation. The kids were in the car, so this was not successful. Two of the kids were crying, one was singing at the top of his lungs, and the fourth child insisted on continually interrupting. My husband's response to this type of situation is usually to give up on the conversation between the two of us altogether and last night was no exception. This left me feeling frustrated, so after about 5 minutes of brooding I said,

"I need a date."

After a moment, D looked at me and in complete seriousness said,

"With who?"

Can't Wait to See This Movie!

2009-08-28T23:24:00.001-05:00

This movie looks like it will be AMAZING! I can't wait to see it!

MANDISA - "He Is With You"

2009-08-27T21:14:00.001-05:00

This is a truly inspiring song and video. Check it out...

The Sweetest of Firsts

2009-08-24T07:59:00.001-05:00

Just wanted to share two really awesome things that have happened in the past week or two...

1) When we were in the parking lot a few days ago, Caleb reached for my hand and held it tightly all on his own. He even looked up at me with a big, sweet smile. This was the first time he has ever reached for my hand. For the past year, the parking lot has been a huge cause of contention between us, and I usually end up carrying him because he refuses to walk with me or hold my hand (he prefers to run at full tilt with reckless abandon). I have lived in daily fear of my son getting hit by a car for over a year now. Even if he continues to refuse to hold my hand in the future, at least I can hold on to the memory of C CHOOSING to happily and sweetly hold my hand in the parking lot.

2) Last week, C walked right up to me and out of the blue said, 'I love you, Mama" to me and looked right into my eyes with a big adorable smile on his face... he added to the sweetness of the moment by wrapping his arms around me and giving me a long, meaningful hug. This is the first time he has ever told me he loves me on his own. Talk about melting my heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Summer Wrap-Up

2009-08-21T20:16:00.008-05:00

Ashley climbing again- her arm is all better!
Andrew at the park

Caleb loves to go down the slide!

A day at our local zoo- they just added an entire section called "Africa"

All of the kids were so excited to be so close to the giraffes

I love when I get a pic I like of all four!

The tigers were actually moving and roaring quite a bit

Awwww! I love this one ;0)

Andrew and Riley coming down the waterslide at a local waterpark

Andrew

Riley

Andrew, Ashley, Eryn and Riley

Birthday morning- Ashley and Riley turned 7!

Andrew got a new hat

A & R decorated their own cakes- a birthday tradition

American Girl in Chicago- Ashley and Riley's birthday wish come true :0)

Riley with her first American Girl!

It was fun to have Grandma and Grandpa there!

Ashley and Riley at American Girl

Riley

We've had an awesome summer! I just cannot believe Caleb has already spent two summers here! What a blessing it is to watch our kids learn and grow.

It is also just a little sad sometimes :0)

School starts next week, so now it's time to get ready for a wild and VERY busy fall!

Stay tuned!

A New Light

2009-08-02T23:38:00.015-05:00

Today, I spent some time organizing all of our random electronics stuff. As I was doing this, I realized we have never shown the girls the videos from our second trip to Russia last May/June. I also realized that D and I have never watched the video we took in Russia on our second trip. On top of that, we have never watched any of the video taken on our video camera since then. As soon as I mentioned that fact out loud to Ashley, she begged me to let her watch the videos, So, of course, we watched them.... Caleb included. I cannot believe we have never watched any of this footage before. Caleb has been home for more than a year, after all! The first year really was a blur. I'm so glad we got it all on video.

Just what have we been doing?!?!?!?!?

After watching the videos, I was amazed. We have been doing soooo much! God has really been here and moving! Wow! I truly had forgotten just what C was like back then. I can't tell you how many times our therapist has said, "whenever you're feeling discouraged, don't focus on the problems you are still having, focus on how far you have come". Sounds logical, but that is so hard to do! So many days over the past year, Caleb just hasn't seemed happy. Some days, he seemed to spend ALL of his energy just pushing me away. How exhausting for a little guy! I would often ask myself (and God), "How can I show him that I love him? How can I teach him what love even IS if he won't let me in?".

I have worried and prayed and I have worried and prayed some more. I know things would have been easier if I had not indulged in the worrying thing. The truth is, though, I am a human being, and parenting a post-institutionalized child is difficult, scary and confusing. I have parented 3 other children, but just about everything I know and everything I trusted flew out the window the day C came home. For the first 2 years of his life, C did not know love. He did not know trust. He did not know much comfort He did not know touch. Especially in his first few weeks of life, touch from a grown-up came only in the form of a stick of a needle or some other uncomfortable or painful thing. Survival for him meant not allowing himself to rely on others... not allowing himself to create a bond with someone who surely would be gone soon enough. We have spent the past year chiseling away, ever so slowly, at that thick protective layer. There have been times the layer I had just chipped off has regrown, and I have had to chip through it yet again. So many times, I honestly thought we would never get anywhere... that we had not moved forward much at all.

Little did I know, we were always moving forward... I was just so deeply engrossed in the fine details that I could not see the whole picture.

Well, today I saw it, and it was amazing. I can now see Caleb's progress in a new light. The little boy in the videos is no longer. He has been replaced by a little boy who can love and trust. Who WANTS to love and trust most of the time. He no longer separates himself in a world of his very own. I know we still have a lot of work to (patiently!) do, but I also know the contrast between then and now is striking.

Even when it seemed as though C was not embracing the love we were so desperately trying to give, Jesus was there. Despite all of our inadequacies as parents, He continued to love us and gently guide us. He also continued to open C's heart. I know we often veered onto the wrong path, and that we will continue to do more of the same. Despite all of that, He will always gently nudge us back onto the path He would have for us to follow.

I am so glad we watched those videos today.

"God is our refuge and strength,
An ever-present help in trouble"
Psalms 46:1

Paka, Crib!

2009-07-29T22:22:00.005-05:00

Well, it has finally happened...

Caleb is officially out of his crib and out of our room. He finally decided he was ready, and he has slept through the night for several nights now. I didn't blog about it at first because I didn't want to jinx it :0) Anyway, some of you may notice the sports pillowcase and wonder why it doesn't look loke he is sleeping in his bed. Well, that's because it isn't his bed...

... it's Andrew's bottom bunk. I'm pleased to report both brothers are thrilled with the arrangement and Mommy is doing just fine. The binky is next on our list!!!!!

Fun

2009-07-24T13:01:00.006-05:00

Well, we've been having a lot of fun this summer! Here's some pics from last weekend. We spent some time with friends fishing, shooting (big boys only), and hanging out. The kids had a blast. See if you can spot something not so fun in the pictures. I'll give you a clue.... we had a broken bone incident with one of our kids about two weeks ago. Look back over the pictures and see if you can spot just who.

Six Flags Trip

2009-07-16T22:50:00.004-05:00

I'm finally getting our Six Flags pics on here... These are from 2 weeks ago. We drove to St. Louis for a day with friends and really had a great time! Our kids are fearless- especially Caleb. I truly believe he would go on any ride in the park if he could :0)

Ordinary Miracles

2009-07-13T23:22:00.011-05:00

Being a Mommy is truly the most amazing gift.

For a short time, I get to see everything through the eyes of a child... and it is incredible. A child's perspective helps me to see the beauty of God's creation and His blessings all around me.

Nothing is ordinary through the eyes of a child.

Just today, for example, my youngest son gasped and squealed with glee when he saw how tall our corn had grown. I know if he hadn't been there, I honestly wouldn't have thought much of it. To be completely honest, I was worrying about financial issues at the very moment he was telling me to look at the corn.

This afternoon, my oldest son exclaimed, "Hey! That cloud looks just like the Nike symbol" as we drove out of our neighborhood. If he hadn't been with me, I probably wouldn't have even noticed that the sky had clouds in it...or that the sky was such a beautiful and brilliant blue... I was too busy worrying about getting to our destination on time.

A few weeks ago, we were tracing one another with sidewalk chalk on the driveway. It was my turn to get traced. As I was lying there on the warm concrete, one of my daughters said, "Mommy, don't the sun and breeze together feel amazing when you close your eyes and relax?". I really wanted to go inside and make dinner, but I forced myself to close my eyes and relax. She was right, it DID feel amazing

Everyday, my four children remind me to stop and pay attention to the truly important things.

Thank you, Lord, for the blessing of my beautiful children. May the lessons I have learned from them stay with me always.

Something to Think About

2009-07-10T14:02:00.006-05:00

This family is truly inspiring...

Promo for "We Have Room" Documentary from David Watson on Vimeo.

Sparklers!

2009-07-05T13:12:00.016-05:00

This was the first year we have bought sparklers for the kids. In the past, D worked at night, so sparklers were out of the question. I'm sure it had something to do with the very scary combo of multiple young children + fire + Mommy all alone. This year, D was home for the Fourth of July (hooray!) and the kids got what they have been begging for all along. All in all, they got to indulge for three nights in a row! Dreams really DO come true :0) :0) :0) :0)

God Bless America!

2009-07-04T22:31:00.005-05:00

Happy Fourth of July! What a blessing it is to live here in this country! Here's Caleb wishing America a happy birthday. No matter how many times he tried, he just could NOT say all 3 words in a row. In the end, he opted to leave out the word "birthday" in the middle. So cute!

If Only For a Season

2009-06-29T19:15:00.014-05:00

In May of 2006, I met David. He was 2 years old and had beautiful dark brown hair, soulful eyes, and such a quiet, sweet disposition. I was captivated by him immediately. David had just been adopted from China. His big brother played baseball with Andrew that summer, so I got to watch him play and begin to bond with his forever family at practices and games every week for the entire season.

When I first met David, I was still trying desperately to find a way out of what God was calling us as a family to do. I was afraid. I had so many arguments and reasons why adoption was not a good idea. Once I met David, though, I knew my son was REAL, just as David was real. It was impressed upon my heart that my very own son was living right at that very moment, and he was as real as David was. All of a sudden, all of my arguments against God's plan and will for our lives seemed ridiculous. How could I NOT bring our son home? That was simply unthinkable. Little did I know, during those very weeks, my youngest son was born and given over to an orphanage far away in Siberia, Russia. As my heart fell in love with him, with the help of a little boy named David, my son's need for a forever family was set in stone.

As baseball season wore on, I began to see David in a new light... I began to see my own son. I could flash forward in my mind to HIS first summer at home. As I watched David play with his brother and sisters, I could see MY son playing with HIS brother and sisters. I remember the first time I ever heard David say "Mom! Watch!", I could hear MY son saying, "Mama, watch me!". By the end of baseball season, I was ready to do whatever it would take to bring my baby home.

Just after baseball season ended in the summer of 2006, David died. He drowned in the lake behind his home. My husband called to tell me the news. Even though I never knew them well at all, I wept for the family of this precious little boy. I felt intimately connected to them. God had used their witness to change my heart. I vowed that day to always pray for David's family... to never forget. To this day, my precious son, who was born on the other side of the world, serves as a forever reminder of a beautiful little boy named David. Caleb was also 2 years-old when he came home, and one of his favorite things to do in the first weeks home was to watch his big brother play baseball.

I will never truly understand in this lifetime why God allowed David to be here for only a season. For the time being, though, I know what I am sure is only a small part of the answer...he was the angel who opened my heart and forever changed our lives.

Thank you, David. We will never forget you.

Extraordinary Love

2009-06-20T22:42:00.011-05:00

Before C came home last year, I used to worry about how our other 3 kids would receive him when he finally joined our family. I used to hear things like, "Mommy, you can never play with me because you are always doing adoption paperwork" and "I don't want C to come home because then I won't be your baby anymore". My kids weren't trying to be mean or hateful by saying those things to me, they were just being blatently honest in typical kid-fashion. I also heard countless amazingly loving comments before C came home too. Despite the fact that the positive commentary outweighed the negative commentary by a landslide, I could not stop worrying. I used to wonder, "How will it be once their brother is finally home?". I knew C would require huge amounts of attention for quite some time and I also knew it would be a struggle simply because C didn't speak English and wasn't used to living in a home with a family. I prayed daily that the hearts of my 3 oldest children would be open to loving their little brother. I know so many others prayed the same prayer regularly. I now know that made all the difference.

After we arrived home with C, I waited for the honeymoon period to be over and for the war to begin. Of course, the older 3 kids adored their baby brother at first- I expected that. After about 3 months, though, I thought, "Surely it will come soon". At that point, C was still requiring almost all of my attention and his behavior was pretty much sure to interrupt anything I ever tried to do with the older 3 kids. He also regularly broke their things, screamed at them, hit and bit them, stole their food and messed up their rooms. But it still didn't come. In fact, my other kids seemed to adore C more and more with each passing month.

At this point, I am no longer waiting for the jealousy to begin, because I know it is not coming. I simply sit back in awe of what I see and hear everyday. I'm not saying the older 3 treat C perfectly and that there is never any jealousy or that they are never mean to him... they are KIDS after all. I am saying, though, that they have a compassion for him like I have never seen in a sibling relationship before. If he is hurt, I have heard them say they feel it too. If he is sad, sometimes their world seems to halt until they can make him happy again. We have a seating schedule for the car so every kid gets to sit next to their beloved little brother. I have even seen one of my girls cry for his birthmother before.

The other day, Ashley got a treat for a job well done. It was her most favorite candy, and she was really looking forward to eating it. As soon as C saw it, he whined and said he wanted it. His sister handed it to him and said sweetly, "You can have it C". I have never seen her do such a thing for her other siblings before... share it, yes, but just give the entire thing over? Never.

Today, we opened our pool. The kids have been VERY anxiously awaiting the chance to swim in it. A few days ago, C had been repeatedly misbehaving, so we told him he would have to take a 15 minute time-out from swimming as soon as our pool opened. Even though we had reminded him of it several times since the punishment was decided, C still got caught up in the moment and forgot about the punishment. As one would expect, he began to wail as soon as we reminded him. After about 30 seconds, Andrew said, "Don't cry C, I'll sit in time out with you... then you won't be alone". Wow! I had to hide my tears after that offer!

Tonight, C hit his head REALLY hard on our armoire door and got a deep puncture wound (don't worry, Grandmas, the ER doctor just glued it together). While Daddy and C were at the ER, Riley said she couldn't go to sleep because she felt sick to her stomach and that her head was hurting "because Caleb hit his head and that must hurt so much". She fell asleep crying and insisted I wake her up as soon as I heard from her Daddy about how he was doing.

I am moved every day by the love Andrew, Ashley and Riley have for their little brother. Our attachment therapist once said, "Caleb has had a difficult transition, but God knew just what he needed to heal... so He gave him not just parents who love him deeply, but 3 siblings who love and cherish him beyond anyone's wildest expectations."

She was so right. I'm so glad God knows what He's doing :0)

Caleb Gets His Own Room!

2009-06-19T16:25:00.005-05:00

Yesterday was a BIG day! The carpet finally got put in Caleb's room! One hour later, it was all set up and C was sooooooooo excited :0) The dog was pretty happy about it too! Daddy did a great job! As you can see, the walls still are completely bare and there is still some furniture needed, but as far as C is concerned, the room is fabulous! Eventually, we plan to have the Russian and American flags (maybe pictures or paintings of them?) up on the walls. All C cares about is that he has a place to call his own with a big boy bed and toys!!!!!! Not that he has actually slept in that bed yet, but he will when he's ready. For now, he is welcome to sleep in his crib in Mommy and Daddy's room, but we know soon he'll decide he doesn't want to sleep in our room anymore.

When that day comes, it will be a good day and a sad day all rolled into one :0) )0:

A Forever Family Celebration

2009-06-17T16:20:00.009-05:00

June 11th was our Forever Family Day! Gotcha Day (the day we picked C up from the orphanage) will always be very important to us, but June 11th was the day we finally got to be HOME and ALL together. So it is a day we will always celebrate. I will never forget our first day home last year. It was like a switch was flipped inside of C and he was suddenly smiling and laughing and seemed genuinely happy for the first time since we had picked him up from the orphanage. I really do think he knew he was finally home.

Anyway, for Forever Family Day this year, we decided to surprise the kids and take them on a road trip to visit family in the Washington D.C. area and to spend some time at the museums downtown. D and I packed everything while the kids were sleeping the night before the last day of school. On the last day of school (the day before Forever Family Day), C was invited (by the sweet bus driver) to ride on the bus with the big kids. C was soooooo excited- he had watched the 3 big kids get on the bus all year long and had always wanted to get on with them. So he and I rode on the bus (he LOVED every second of it) and when we returned, the car was packed and ready to go. The kids were so surprised and just thrilled when they found out where we were going. We had a wonderful trip out East! Washington D.C. was so much fun and the kids also got to do a lot of swimming and playing with their cousins. We got some great pics...

Last day of school

Caleb about to get on the bus

So cute!

A few hours into the trip

In the mountains of MD

Playing with cousins

Reminds me of the pic we took of Andrew in Russia in front of St. Basil's

Museum of Natural History- the kids LOVED this museum

Riley in the Metro

Caleb at the National Air and Space Museum- see the Russian missile behind him? There were actually people speaking Russian right behind us and I said to him, "Do you hear them talking? They're speaking Russian". He gave me a completely blank look and said, "What?????".

Riley- I love this pic

Riley posing with the Wright Brothers

Andrew- nobody wanted to pose with him... they were all VERY tired and grumpy by then

So I took this pic so I could prove we had actually been downtown

Swimming at Grandma and Grandpa's pool

Climbing (NOT Moving) Mountains

2009-06-07T14:06:00.022-05:00

Gotcha Day- May 30th, 2008

The picture above was taken in the orphanage in Russia last year, just minutes before we took Caleb into our custody. You can clearly tell in this picture that C did not yet understand that we were going to take him away. He thought it was fun to get dressed in his very own clothes and play with his balloon (one of the caregivers gave him a balloon to keep as she was saying goodbye to him). Just after this picture was taken, we went into the director's office to thank her and say goodbye. Galina is an amazing woman, with smiling eyes and a compassionate smile. We could tell in all of our interactions with her that she loves the children in her care a great deal, so it was really hard to know just how to thank her for all she did for our son. There really are no adequate words... I still think of her and pray for her everyday, and C still talks about her.

While we were in the director's office, she played with C's hair and kissed him goodbye, while telling him goodbye in Russian. As she was doing this, I saw the look of happiness on C's face quickly turn to deep worry and panic. He started to wiggle wildly in my arms, trying to get away and stop what he seemed to know was about to happen. At this moment, I knew HE KNEW. Maybe he didn't understand everything, but he knew what Galina was saying. I knew there was no way he could truly understand, but I so desperately wished he could. At that moment, he was getting a forever family, something all children need and something he had never physically had. What an amazing moment! But to C, all it meant was that he was going away from the only home he had ever known with some nice people who spoke in some crazy way he didn't understand. On top of that, we were telling him that we were going for a ride in a car. At that point in time, he had no memory of ever doing such a thing, since the last time he was in a car was when he was just a few weeks old. As far as he was concerned, cars were for other people to ride in and for him to watch out the window of the orphanage.

Shortly after saying goodbye to the director, we went outside to the waiting van and stood in front of the orphanage to have our picture taken. Of course, we were beyond thrilled to finally be able to care for our son... to finally be able to hold him, to kiss him, to tell him how much we love him. I had yearned for that. I had cried rivers of tears for that. But at the same time, my heart was just breaking. I knew my son had just begun a mourning period and my mommy heart wanted to take all of the fear away... not just the fear he was feeling right then, but all of the fear I knew was still to come.

Gotcha Day 2008- Outside the orphanage

Once we got back to the hotel in Krasnoyarsk that day, C began the task of trying to make sense of what was happening and adjusting to his new surroundings. He was excited, of course, and really loved playing with us and exploring. He also loved eating dinner with us. As soon as that was done and he began to get tired, however, he began to cry and restlessly pace the hotel room. Every few minutes, he would go to the door and open it, saying "edom (let's go), edom!", with an urgency in his voice. We would then have to shut the door and try to distract him from leaving, which just made him cry and become even more determined to get his point across. this went on for about 2 hours. It was clear to us that he was saying, "O.K. guys, it's been fun, but I'm ready to go home now". Nothing comforted him... in fact, he didn't even want to be touched. We finally decided to help C to end his misery and put him to bed. As soon as I picked C up and shut the bedroom door, he started screaming. He screamed and fought with all his might for what seemed an eternity, all the while screaming, "edom!". I held C the entire time and whispered, "Don't be scared, Mama's here" and "I love you" in Russian. The rest of the time, I silently prayed for him. After about 10 minutes, I couldn't hold it in any longer and I began to cry. We cried together for about 10 or 15 minutes more, Caleb and I. Finally C fell asleep, a sweet relief for us both.

Caleb, sweaty and asleep on Gotcha Day

That was one year ago. C and I have cried together too many times to count since then. I learned that day that living for the first 2 years of life without a family can leave so much more of an impact than I had ever imagined. The orphanage may not be something we would have ever considered a home, but it was home to our son for 2 years... and he preferred that home and the way things were done there over our home and the way we do things most of the time in our early days together. Eating, playing, sleeping, talking, touching (or lack of touching)... it's all so very different. I just assumed C would naturally blend into our family. Despite all the reading I had done and all of the pre-adoption workshops we had attended, I still didn't understand that helping C to adapt to our family would include a LOT of tears and countless nights of feeling like the worst mommy in the world because I couldn't comfort my son.

I tell this story because it is REAL. My account is how it really happened. Not that it happens that way for all families... it doesn't. But I am telling the story because for some, this IS how it happens. And if anyone reads this and identifies with it, I want you to know 2 things:

First of all, you are NOT alone.

And secondly, get on your knees and don't give up. God will lift you and your child up and carry you through to healing, though the healing may not come as quickly as you had hoped / expected and it may not look exactly as you had envisioned.

God has moved mountains for us. He has expected us to climb many others. He has woven us together as a family. He has changed our hearts forever. He has given us a deep love and concern for ALL orphans. I wanted it to happen right away. I wanted it to happen without struggle. I wanted all of the mountains to move out of our way.

That was not God's plan.

Now I see that His plan could have not been more perfect.

Countdown to Summer

2009-06-03T21:58:00.010-05:00

We are now in the home stretch! Just 3 more full days of school until it is officially summer for our older three. Our house is full of excitement and anticipation. Most of the other kids around here are already done, so our kids are more than ready ;0) All of the kids had a great school year and worked hard. We are so proud of them!
As far as Caleb goes, it's so hard to believe this will be his second summer here. He is our outdoor boy, so I am thrilled for him that summer is finally here! It's hard to get him to slow down and come inside to eat or sleep, but it makes me so happy to watch him having so much fun!

Note: I just had to put the kids' most favorite song on here. Caleb just loves it... I often hear him singing it to himself (he can't help it that Miley Cyrus is his favorite singer- just remember, he has 2 sisters)!

It was almost 90 degrees the other day, so the kids got a little summer preview

Happy Birthday Rob!

2009-05-29T22:44:00.004-05:00

This is a birthday wish to Uncle Rob (who is now the big 4-o) from Caleb. Clearly, C is not quite sure just who is forty :0)

Happy Birthday Rob! We all love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One Year's Time

2009-05-28T08:27:00.009-05:00

Last year at this time, we had just two days left to be without our son. The week of Gotcha Day last year just dragged on and on, and there were certainly times when it felt to us like it would never come. And here I sit, almost an entire year later, wondering where the time has gone. How could a year have passed since then? As I reflect on all that has transpired in the past year, I cannot help but be in awe... and such an overwhelming feeling of gratitude floods my mind and heart. Caleb is home and he is growing and healing. If I had been able to glimpse into the present back then, I would have found it hard to believe that the happy, loving little 3 year-old who is our Caleb today is the same little boy we brought home last year. This past year has certainly been a lesson for me in God's healing power. I know Caleb still has some healing to do, but I also know the transformation he has made so far just takes my breath away... I love you so very much my little Dimka-doo!

Trip #1- A Look Back

2009-05-13T14:33:00.007-05:00

Finally got this on here... this was from our first trip (trip #1) in December of 2007.

It still seems so surreal, even to this day.

Be sure to mute the music below before starting the video.

Why Adopt?

2009-05-08T11:35:00.011-05:00

"So why did you adopt?"

This is a question we often hear. Most are simply asking out of curiosity. I usually respond by telling people we felt led to adopt and that we view adoption as a natural way to add to our family. While this is certainly accurate, the story is really so much deeper and profound than that. Some people ask about adoption because they themselves are considering growing their own family through adoption. This is what I share with them...

While clearly our story is mainly about a little boy who was once named Dima finally having a forever family, it has also been an incredible personal journey for us. Adoption did not just add a child to our family or give a little boy a home, it drew us closer to God than we have ever been drawn before. It changed our hearts forever by forcing us to stand right next to real and precious children who do not have families. Their little faces are forever stamped in our minds and their need for families burns into our hearts. These children are REAL. There are millions of them. It often awes me that my son was once without a family. Yes, he was already our son in our hearts from the moment he was born, but he was physically without a family for the first 2 years of his life. That is a difficult reality for me to even begin to understand. Our son is home now, though, and he has a family. What about the kids who never end up with a family? I am haunted by those little faces we saw in the orphanage. What will become of them?

Some more questions we get...

Q: Did adoption scare us?
A: We were terrified.

Q: Was it hard?
A: The hardest thing we have ever done.

Q: Did we have the money needed to complete the process?
A: No, but God provided.

Q: Was our faith perfect through the process?
A: Not even close.

Q: Was God faithful?
A: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So why adopt?

Because it is one of the ways God grows families.
Because these kids NEED families.
Because if God is calling you to it, you will be blessed beyond your wildest dreams if you do as He asks.

"You need to perservere
so that when you have done the will of God
you will receive what he has promised."
Hebrews 10:36

"God makes everything happen at the right time.
Yet none of us can ever fully understand all he has done."
Ecclesiastes 3:11

"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father
means caring for orphans and widows in their distress
and refusing to let the world corrupt you."
James 1:27

Baseball Season

2009-05-04T21:43:00.005-05:00

Well, it's almost that time again... baseball time! This year, D finally gets to be a coach (his job has always prevented him from doing so in the past) and we are all VERY excited about it!!!!! Last year, Caleb came home in the middle of baseball season, so he didn't really get what was going on. Just 10 1/2 months later, Caleb has changed so dramatically. One of the biggest changes I have noticed lately is that he is developing an extremely strong desire to be just like Daddy and his big brother, which means that anytime Daddy and Andrew are doing something, he MUST be involved. It really is so sweet! Keep this explanation in mind, though, as you watch the video of Andrew practicing with D... he was extremely upset that it wasn't his turn :0(
Not to worry, Caleb had plenty of "practice" time with Daddy!

Ice cream... or a creamy puddle? Which do you prefer?

2009-05-01T09:43:00.009-05:00

The day after we picked C up from the orphanage in Russia, we all had ice cream to celebrate. There are ice cream stands everywhere in Krasnoyarsk during the warmer months (their version of summer- although it certainly wasn't very "summer-like" to us!). Now, it is important to explain here that just about all food in Russia is served at room temperature. Even dishes that are expected to be piping hot here in the U.S. are served in Russia luke-warm at best. The hot dishes would actually take an eternity to be served while we were dining in restaurants there because the staff allowed quite a bit of time for the dish to cool off before bringing it to our table. On the cold end of the spectrum, there is no ice in Russia (guess they don't really need it, if you think about it). So, for example, if you get a soda at a restaurant, the soda is lukewarm with no ice. Certainly a big difference from what we here in America are accustomed to... none of the Russians seemed to be bothered by it, though.

Anyway, the day after we picked C up from the orphanage, we got an ice cream cones and Caleb insisted on trying some. We was fairly certain he had never had ice cream before, so we were prepared for the absolutely awful face he made after he tasted it! He scrunched up his entire little face in absolute displeasure and his entire body shook with what was obviously the heebie-jeebies. It was quite funny!

Since returning home from Russia, watching C's reaction to very cold and very hot foods has continued to be entertaining. He STILL struggles with this aspect of our American culture. The cute thing is, he tries so very hard to be like our other kids. Take ice cream, for example...
we all love it, and C tries his best to tolerate it. There is an ice cream place near our house and we go there as soon as there is even a hint of warmth in the air. With that said, we have already been there several times this year. The other night, we announced it was time to go get ice cream. Just like the other three, C jumped up and down and squealed with delight. We usually eat our ice cream at the picnic tables at the ice cream stand, but on this particular night, we brought it home and ate it at the bar in our kitchen. After about 2 minutes of ice cream eating, C blurted out, "Mom, warm this up". Perplexed, I said, "What, honey? Warm what up?" C proceeded to point to his ice cream and then tell me to put it in the microwave. We tried to explain to him that ice cream cannot be warmed up because that would ruin the very nature of the ice cream. There was no convincing him, though.

Hmmm... guess I learned a lesson... never let C eat his ice cream within eye-shot of a microwave. On the other hand, if C prefers creamy puddles of sugar over ice cream, why not?

The Last of a Dying Breed

2009-04-28T09:48:00.004-05:00

Well, I think Caleb is just about to drop Russian for good, which makes me sad. I try as much as I can to speak Russian to him, but when only one person in your world is speaking Russian to you (and that is only some of the time) and everyone else is speaking English, I guess you choose to speak English. There are a few Russian words that have been really consistent, though, and "mallot" (hammer) has been one of them. The other day, I heard Caleb say the word hammer while he was working with his Daddy. When I asked him to say it in Russian, he said, "NO, HAMMER!!!!"
Sigh... :0(

The Truth

2009-04-27T19:29:00.005-05:00

This is from an E-mail I got today. This speech was made in 1999, but is still so true today. Some of you may have actually heard or read this before, but it is still powerful...

Guess our national leaders didn't expect this, hmm?
On Thursday, Darrell Scott, the father of Rachel Scott, a victim of the Columbine High School shootings in Littleton , Colorado , was invited to address the House Judiciary Committee's subcommittee. What he said to our national leaders during this special session of Congress was painfully truthful. They were not prepared for what he was to say, nor was it received well. It needs to be heard by every parent, every teacher, every politician, every sociologist, every psychologist, and every so-called expert! These courageous words spoken by Darrell Scott are powerful, penetrating, and deeply personal. There is no doubt that God sent this man as a voice crying in the wilderness. The following is a portion of the transcript:

"Since the dawn of creation there has been both good & evil in the hearts of men and women. We all contain the seeds of kindness or the seeds of violence. The death of my wonderful daughter, Rachel Joy Scott, and the deaths of that heroic teacher, and the other eleven children who died must not be in vain. Their blood cries out f or answers. "The first recorded act of violence was when Cain slew his brother Abel out in the field. The villain was not the club he used.. Neither was it the NCA, the National Club Association. The true killer was Cain, and the reason for the murder could only be found in Cain's heart. "In the days that followed the Columbine tragedy, I was amazed at how quickly fingers began to be pointed at groups such as the NRA. I am not a member of the NRA. I am not a hunter. I do not even own a gun. I am not here to represent or defend the NRA - because I don't believe that they are responsible for my daughter's death. Therefore I do not believe that they need to be defended. If I believed they had anything to do with Rachel's murder I would be their strongest opponent. I am here today to declare that Columbine was not just a tragedy -- it was a spiritual event that should be forcing us to look at where the real blame lies! Much of the blame lies here in this room. Much of the blame lies behind the pointing fingers of the accusers themselves. I wrote a poem just four nights ago that expresses my feelings best.

Your laws ignore our deepest needs, Your words are empty air.
You've stripped away our heritage, You've outlawed simple prayer.
Now gunshots fill our classrooms, And precious children die.
You seek for answers everywhere, And ask the question "Why?"
You regulate restrictive laws, Through legislative creed.
And yet you fail to understand, That God is what we need!

Men and women are three-part beings. We all consist of body, mind, and spirit. When we refuse to acknowledge a third part of our make-up, we create a void that allows evil, prejudice, and hatred to rush in and wreak havoc. Spiritual presences were present within our educational systems for most of our nation's history. Many of our major colleges began as theological seminaries. This is a historical fact. What has happened to us as a nation? We have refused to honor God, and in so doing, we open the doors to hatred and violence. And when something as terrible as Columbine's tragedy occurs -- politicians immediately look for a scapegoat such as the NRA. They immediately seek to pass more restrictive laws that contribute to erode away our personal and private liberties. We do not need more restrictive laws. Eric and Dylan would not have been stopped by metal detectors. No amount of gun laws can stop someone who spends months planning this type of massacre. The real villain lies within our own hearts. "As my son Craig lay under that table in the school library and saw his two friends murdered before his very eyes, he did not hesitate to pray in school. I defy any law or politician to deny him that right! I challenge every young person in America , and around the world, to realize that on April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School prayer was brought back to our schools. Do not let the many prayers offered by those students be in vain. Dare to move into the new millennium with a sacred disregard for legislation that violates your God-given right to communicate with Him. To those of you who would point your finger at the NRA -- I give to you a sincere challenge. Dare to examine yourown heart before casting the first stone! My daughter's death will not be in vain! The young people of this country will not allow that to happen!" Do what the media did not - - let the nation hear this man's speech.

Our Own Version of the Workout Video

2009-04-20T22:58:00.005-05:00

Chasing your children counts as working out, right?

Caleb is 3!

2009-04-16T14:42:00.008-05:00

C had a great first birthday at home! As soon as he was up, he opened 2 of his gifts and had his birthday pancakes (blueberry), topped with whipped cream and sprinkles for breakfast. In our house, this is the birthday tradition. The 3 big kids were just so sweet to C and were just thrilled to share in his special day. We had a very special morning, just the 6 of us...

After the day's activities (work, school, etc.), we were off to C's dream come true... a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. C has been planning this for months. All 4 grandmas and grandpas joined us for pizza, cake, present-opening and lots of game-playing fun! C had a blast, but sure was worn out when it was all said and done. As soon as we arrived home after the party, C said, "Mama, my burfday OVER!" :0)

After 2 hours or so, C was done...

Here's a pic of C playing with his favorite gift- thanks Aunt Becky!

We are just so blessed to have had C home this year so we could finally celebrate a birthday with him!

C's First Easter

2009-04-13T14:51:00.008-05:00

Oops! I just realized these ears have pink bows on them!

It's almost the end of C's firsts... his birthday is this Wednesday, so Easter was the second to last of his firsts and C had a great first Easter! Our church dropped the Easter eggs out of a helicopter again this year, so that was the highlight of the day. C was terrified and thrilled all at the same time to be so close to a helicopter. And getting to eat so much candy all in one day was most certainly a close second! For me, the highlight was that C understood in an almost 3 year-old way what Easter is all about. He informed me several times yesterday that "Jesus is alive!".

Praise God for that!

C watching the "heh-clopper" with a mix of emotions

The Easter Bunny brought 4 Easter baskets this year!

Sadie wanted a turn wearing the bunny ears

Ash and Beans

Look closely and you will see the guy leaning out of the helicopter and dumping the eggs!

Post backyard egg hunt

Ten Years and Counting...

2009-04-10T11:22:00.005-05:00

Today is our 10th wedding anniversary!

Just think, honey, 10 years ago today, you were feeling incredibly sick to your stomach (from nerves) and couldn't wait for the day to end (so you could finally be married to me, of course- or was it because you hate big social gatherings and you hate having your picture taken even more!?). Oh- and remember your reaction when you found out you would have to wear a mic during the ceremony? Poor guy... I haven't even mentioned the extreme fatigue you were feeling at the time because you had just spent the previous month remodeling our new home so we could move in the day after we got married. You gave every waking moment and every ounce of your strength (and your last nerve) so we could have a beautiful home. I still cannot express to you how grateful I am to you for that amazing gift. I so admire you for what you did for me... for us.

I am eternally glad you decided to suffer through the pomp and circumstance and all of the hard work to start a life with me. We made it through that day (and you did a great!), and we have made it through many more days since then. We have laughed, we have cried... we have sometimes struggled with how to deal with certain challenges, but I wouldn't go back and change a single second of it.

Happy Anniversary, sweetie :0) The past 10 years have been amazing! I am so blessed to be able to walk through life with my best friend. And our four children have such an incredible Daddy... it is awesome to watch you love them. I cannot tell you how much joy it brings me that they have a Daddy who has a heart for God. I know I don't tell you enough how proud I am of you and all you do. I don't know anyone who could do it better.

I heart you!

Love,
Me

Paka March! It's April!

2009-04-01T09:55:00.009-05:00

Paka (pah-kuh) means "goodbye" in Russian. Many of you already knew that, but for those of you who did not, you just learned a new word in Russian! Good stuff...

We are certainly ready to see some warmer weather here in these parts! Winter was fun, but it's time to move on. Clearly the Midwest is not quite aware yet that it is officially Spring. Case in point:

This is what it was like here on Sunday...

I Home, Mama

2009-03-30T22:36:00.005-05:00

Tonight at bedtime, Caleb asked to read the same book I described in the last post. He now calls it the "Russia Book". I looked for it, but couldn't find it, so I suggested we read one of his other favorite books. He then started crawling on the floor looking for it (he must have been looking at it earlier today and forgot to put it away), saying "No, Mama, we read RUSSIA BOOK!!!!!". He seemed very upset that he couldn't find it, so I joined the search. We finally found the book under his blankie on the floor. C was so happy we had found it, and snuggled close to me in the rocking chair and looked up at me in great anticipation. His little face was just beaming- he looked so precious! I told the entire story of meeting him, then of separation (his little face pouted during this part), and then of getting to go back to Russia to finally bring him home. He got so excited toward the end of the story and exclaimed, "I say, bye-bye Russia... I love you! Then I fly in a plane in the sky and go home." He then said in a very happy little voice, "I home, Mama!".
Yes, son, you are home. Right where you belong.

Always

2009-03-28T23:03:00.002-05:00

During our last visit with the attachment/behavioral therapist, she encouraged me to tell Caleb that I will ALWAYS be his Mommy and that I will ALWAYS love him every night during our rocking time. It's not that I don't tell him I love him- I probably tell him at least 25 times every day... and he loves it (in Russian and in English). It was the ALWAYS part she was wanting me to stress. To be completely honest, I have never said that to him in English before. I have said it to him in Russian many times in the past, but I never knew if he really understood what I was saying. Truthfully, I figured he didn't. ALWAYS is a really abstract concept for a 2 year-old, in my opinion, but I decided to give the therapist's suggestion a try...

The first time I ever attempted this was a few weeks ago. I pretty much expected Caleb's reaction to be something like "I love you too, Mama", which is what he always says (with an adorable sideways smile) when I tell him I love him. That's not at all what he said, though.
Instead of the anticipated reaction/response, Caleb quickly and angrily replied (complete with a scowl), "NO, Mama!", to my pledge of unending love for him. I was so taken aback, I repeated my pledge again. But I got the exact response I had gotten the first time.

Hmmm... Not the perfect love-filled moment I was going for.

Talk about a stab through the heart. Great suggestion, I thought. Maybe I should not do what the therapist tells me to do... EVER AGAIN.

Something prompted me to keep going, though. I had a creeping suspicion that C DID understand what I was saying to him (at least to some degree)and it scared him. He has a pattern of pushing me away whenever he feels I am getting too close. And whenever he pushes me away, I must lovingly push back until he lets me in. It was time to break down yet another wall. Clearly the therapist DID know what she was talking about.

Sure enough, I got the same angry reaction night after night. Caleb's language abilities are well above average and I tried every avenue I could think of to expand on the meaning of always. This only seemed to anger him more and he insisted he did NOT want me to say such things. He even cried a few times and squinted he eyes so he didn't have to look at me. Did I mention I very much dislike breaking down walls?

And then tonight happened. The wall came tumbling down. We started our rocking session the same way we always start it- blankie and binkie just right and a good book. Tonight, Caleb picked the book we sent to him in Russia while we were waiting to go back to bring him home. The book has pictures from our first visit with C in the orphanage, along with captions in Russian. We read the book together and talked about the first time we ever met and how happy we were. We also talked about how sad we were to have to leave him behind. And then we talked about how happy we were again to get to come back to bring him home. C's eyes just lit up when I explained the last part of the story to him. I told him I will ALWAYS be his Mommy and that I will ALWAYS love him. What came next blew me away...

He smiled a HUGE, slow smile and looked me right in the eyes and said, "I love you, Mama". Then he wrapped his little arms around my neck and squeezed with all his might. Talk about a heart bursting with joy! Oh my... I am willing to bet he understood exactly what I was saying.
Praise God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More Disney Pics- Just For Fun!

2009-03-16T13:21:00.004-05:00

Some of these awesome pics were taken by my girlfriend Robin. She caught some great moments- thanks Robin! Can't wait to go back!

Catching Up

2009-03-11T13:22:00.007-05:00

Wow! Once again, it has been FOREVER since I last posted. The main reason for this is our computer is acting up and I can't stay online for more than a few minutes at a time. In addition, the past month has been a full one...

For starters, Caleb had an upper GI endoscopy to confirm our suspicions of H Pylori and to look for any other problems. C did so well- it was amazing. He is a tough little guy! I have never seen anyone hop right up immediately after waking up from anesthesia! That's my boy! Poor guy, though... as soon as I saw the pictures of the inside of his tummy, I felt awful we didn't uncover it sooner. His symptoms had been so vague and it took a lot for me to convince the Drs. and myself that something really wasn't right. Now that that drama is over with, C is being treated and is already showing signs of improvement :0)

On to the next thing... I finally had surgery to have my gallbladder removed- hooray! It is history!!!!! I have been waiting for quite a while to have this done, but bringing Caleb home had to come first. Once we finally had him home, I didn't want to have it done until I felt he was securely attached, as recovery from even a minor surgery would have meant I couldn't pick him up / hold him for at lest a week . I was very nervous before the surgery that this limitation would really set C back a lot in terms of his attachment because I usually pick him up and hold him a LOT in order to promote attachment. Jan. and Feb. had already proven to be difficult as it was... Turns out, though, C was VERY compassionate during the week following surgery and never acted out like I had feared. I can only guess that his own struggles with stomach problems and his endoscopy experience just prior to my own surgery helped him to really understand what was going on. He is such a sweet little boy and has such a big heart! So, in the end, the surgery just proved to me how attached he really is. Praise God!

So many other things have happened over the past month, but the most notable to me was our first visit with the behavioral / attachment therapist. She was wonderful! I really don't feel like C has any major issues attachment-wise, but there are still lots of little behaviors and things D and I felt we needed a little help understanding. We were also looking for some strategies for helping us deal with C's tantrums / disconnecting and with his extreme fears. Our visit was very successful in getting us on the right track and we can't wait to go to our next session! Next time, C will be fully evaluated for attachment and behavioral issues. This will give us a better idea of what we need to focus on with C and what things may just work themselves out developmentally. I'm so grateful to have the chance to get counsel from someone who really understands attachment. The chance to learn from her and to receive guidance from her is a blessing to us.

A Magical Trip

2009-02-23T16:10:00.014-06:00

Can you guess where we went?

I know I have taken much too long to post about our trip. It sure is true that time flies when you are having fun... and what could be more fun than THE Happiest Place on Earth?

Our trip to Disney World was absolutely awesome! We are so very grateful to have gotten the chance to go. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to all of you who made it possible!!!!!!! It was so amazing to see it all through a 2 year-old's first-time perspective :0) Initially, I was a little nervous about C's first plane ride since coming home from Russia. He was NOT fond of flying back then, so I worried he would be afraid and panic. I quickly realized, though, that my fears were unfounded. As soon as C saw how excited his brother and sisters were about getting on the plane and buckling in, he just happily followed along. O.K., I slipped him a few pieces of candy as a diversion too (never hurts :0) ).

Once we got to Disney, Caleb did so well and kept up with the big kids just fine! We met up with my best friend and her family, so there were 7 kids in all! It was so wonderful to finally be together again, and to introduce them to C. Robin's kids were so sweet to C and he fell in love with her 2 girls right away... and I think her son is his newest hero!

Anyway, I could go on and on, but I think pictures will do a better job of showing just how much fun we had. Bear with me... the first picture is not so convincing :0)

First ride... Small World...C tried to muster a smile, but was a little nervous

Epcot- C was warming up to the whole thing, despite the chilly weather (balmy to us!)

C admiring one of his sisters at the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique

Brothers enjoying a snack in theMagic Kingdom

Ashley in Minnie Mouse's Garden

Missing one child in this pic. Yes, Andrew had his Russian big bro shirt on.

Russia- It's a Small World

Daddy's shoulders- best seat in the house