Thankful for today

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I was feeling kind of depressed about the whole adoption situation... We are still not registered in a region and the holidays are quickly approaching. This means we will most likely not have a referral until next year. Meanwhile, our son is there in an orphanage in Russia...still without a family. I prayed for some kind of solace and peace... Then I came across this video.

I don't know why, but it gave me some perspective and relieved most of my sadness. How could it not? This video did a great job of reminding me to love and live in EVERY moment. I have to let God take care of the rest. This video was taken at the beach last year. What you cannot see is there are carnival rides all around us. In fact, there was a carousel right behind us. We had just gotten into the ride area, so my kids had not yet ridden anything. As soon as they saw these mirrors, they ran straight for them, and spent a good 20 minutes checking themselves and one another out. Their laughter was infectious. I find myself smiling just thinking about what fun they had and what fun it was to watch them having fun!

This video was shot over a year ago. My children are now one year older. My son in Russia is now one year older too. Although I can pray about my son and plead with God to hurry up and bring him home, I CANNOT allow myself to slip into a state of sorrow over it (even though I want to). This is the path God has chosen for him and for me. If I focus on haw sad I am that he is not here, I will miss all that is before me now. I pray for him every second of the day and I cannot wait to bring him home. Until then, I will have to give him to God to parent.

How do other adoptive parents do this without going crazy? I guess we really have no choice, but it is still so hard to live everyday like nothing earth-shattering is happening in my heart. Most people don't even understand adoption or what this feels like. A lot of people don't even believe an adopted child is equal to a biological one. We've heard some amazingly harsh comments over the past year. I always have to ask people, "How would you feel if your child was far away with very little to eat and no love to speak of and you had no promise of being able to help him and bring him home anytime soon?" That question usually makes people think, but it amazes me that they did not think of it themselves to start with!

This is the hardest thing I have ever done, and I will continue to struggle with it until this long wait is over.

Please hurry, God!