When I was little and learning to swim, my mom would stand in the water just a few feet away from me. As I swam toward her, she would back up slowly, repeating, "Come on, you can do it!" all the while. The image in my mind is crystal clear. She had a big smile on her face and her arms were outstretched. A few moments into my swim, I would realize she was backing up and I would scream, breathlessly, "Mommy, don't back up!". She would continue the routine described above, encouraging me every so often as she continued to back up. A few minutes into it, I would begin to panic, and scream, "Mommy, I can't do it!". Still with a smile on her face, she would say calmly, "Yes, you can sweetie!". I would continue to swim toward her, desperate to reach her. Finally, after what seemed like years, I would reach her, breathless and exhausted, but so happy to be safe in her arms. She would say, "Look where we are, sweetie, we are at the other end of the pool. You swam all the way across! You did it!". Only then did I look up and realize that I truly had made it. I had done the work, but her encouragement is what enabled me to make it to the other side of the pool.
It's amazing how, every step along the way of this journey, God gives me a little dose of encouragement just when I need it, just like my mom did for me when she was teaching me to swim. As I have said before, it has been a real struggle for me sitting here in the "waiting room". I wish I could say I always have a peace about it all, but I don't (some of the time, yes, all of the time, no). The fact is, my son is on the other side of the world and my heart is hurting.
Yesterday was one of those days. I crumbled under the weight of it all and let fear and missing my son overtake me.
What happened?
I found out our petition to court is not even being processed yet. This means it will still be awhile before we get it. Which means it will be even longer before all of our paperwork can be presented to the judge so we can be assigned a court date. Of course, I should have looked on the bright side of the news and been happy that we are getting close and that nothing is wrong that would potentially hold up the processing of the petition once it is actually time to process it.
Did I look on the bright side?
No... I went to my room, shut the door, and silently cried.
All the while, I was apologizing to God for crying. I prayed for strength.
Then my 5 year-old daughter walked in and silently handed me a paper. She looked up at me, with her big, blue eyes and said, "Mommy, I made you a card". Then she put her little hands on my face and said, "I love you, Mommy" and kissed me on my forehead. Then she said, "These are all of the people I love so so much, and you're right there"(pointing to me in the pic). She proceeded to tell me who all of the people are, and ended with, "And that's baby brother" (pointing to the boy in the bottom righthand corner).
Notice the Y's where she meant to put X's- so precious!
Wow, you are amazing, God! Thank you for using my sweet little daughter to help me get everything back into the right perspective!!!!! I know it seems little, but it was just what I needed to remember that God is in control. That he holds my precious son in his hands and we will be united when it is time. I know someday I will look back across this journey and marvel at how we actually made it...
With a lot of encouragement, of course!
3 comments:
Lyn,
Thanks for all your encouragement. Can't wait to hear of your court date and praying that the PTC document is right around the corner!!!
Sherri
i'm sitting here in our Kras hotel & got teary seeing the pic your sweet girl made for you...hang in there friend...it only takes one second for it all to change & for you to be flying to Russia. This journey can be brutal as we all know..
jeanette dini
Lyn, Please let me know if you would like me to take something over to your little boy...I would be happy to! Praying for peace and encouragemnt during the dark times of this process!
His,
Lori
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