Looking Back

One year ago today, I met my baby boy face to face for the very first time. So much has happened since then, and yet, it is as if time has stood still. My memories of that day are so vivid... the emotions of that day are still so raw. Today, C and I watched some of the videos we took in the orphanage last year. He seemed to show some flickers of recognition, but not much. I, on the other hand, remember it ALL.

What do I remember?
I remember my heart doing flip-flops as the van headed toward the orphanage that day.
I remember begging God to help me to know our son the moment I laid eyes on him.
I remember barely being able to contain myself as we were led into the orphanage.
I remember going up to the director's office.
I remember the director questioning us and I noticed I could see her lips moving, but I could not hear her.
I remember thinking, "When are they going to let us see him?"
I remember the office door swinging open (just a few feet away from me) unexpectedly.
I remember seeing my son's face for a brief moment (his eyes were so wide!) and then the caregiver (who was holding his hand) apologized in Russian and quickly shut the door again.
I remember knowing without a doubt C is my son.
I remember not being able to breathe.
I remember my arms aching, I wanted to scoop him up right then!
I remember the director finally let us go into the visiting room.
I remember C standing there, looking so frightened and so alone.
I remember the first moment I held him, my heart swelled with such joy!
I remember the first time I heard him laugh, just a few minutes later.
I remember leaving my son behind the very next day, knowing it would be months before I would see him again.
I remember God's promise to lead us through it all.

God kept his promise.

For I know the plans I have for you,
Declares the Lord,
Plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
Plans to give you a hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11