2 years and 9 months ago, I experienced God's presence and peace in a way I never had before. A long and difficult journey that sometimes seemed as dark as night was ending.... ending in a radiant joy that could only come in knowing D and I were right where God had led us to be... and that He was right there with us.
2 years and 9 month ago, at that exact same moment, my heart was shattered into a million tiny little pieces as I walked into a Siberian orphanage for the first time. I never knew my heart could be so full of joy and be breaking all at once. We were finally there to meet our son! But my heart and mind were screaming at me, telling me something was very wrong.
There was no sound.
"Where do they keep all the babies?", I thought.
"Surely they must be in another building."
But just as quickly as I had the thought, my son was led into the room.
Silent.
Still.
His beautiful little face expressionless.
Head down.
Eyes on the floor.
No one reassured him. No one held him
There he stood... all alone.
I became angry.
Why weren't they telling him what was going on? Why wasn't anyone holding him?
I was afraid to touch him. Never in all my life have I just waltzed into a room to immediately scoop up a toddler who doesn't even know me... not without another grown-up helping with the transition.
I waited another moment, but nothing happened.
Finally, I could not wait one more second to hold him. To comfort him. To tell him that his Mama had finally found him!
He didn't even react as I walked toward him and picked him up.
His little body remained stiff and did not mold to mine.
He did not cling to me the way other babies do.
I had to take his little legs and wrap them around me.
He backed away from me as much as he could and froze in that position.
In that moment, I began to grip the reality of what living in an orphanage from birth does to a child.
A few months later, we got to return to Russia to finally bring our son home.
The orphanage was the same.
So quiet. So hard to believe that baby house was home to 180 babies. Their little spirits had been turned off. Frozen because there were just not enough caregivers to repond to all of those infant cries.
For 2 years and 9 months, I have lived with the memory of all of those precious babies. So many of their little faces are forever etched in my heart and mind.
My son has love now. We have spent 2 years and 4 months praying and working to thaw his little frozen heart. And God has been faithful. Oh so very faithful.
Our son has found his voice.
He begs to be held now.
He loves to cuddle with his Mommy and Daddy now.
He looks right into our eyes now.
He knows he has worth.
His soul is alive!
But what about all of those other babies?
Not just in that one orphanage, but what about ALL of the precious children all over the world who have no one to call their own? No one to call Mommy and Daddy. No one to tell them they are fearfully and wonderfully made by a loving God.
God breaks my heart every day over their precious souls. I have cried rivers of tears for them almost every day for 2 years and 9 months now.
I used to beg God to heal my broken heart. I was tired of being so sad all the time.
Now I thank God for breaking my heart every day. It finally makes sense.
He breaks my heart so I never can forget.
Please take the time to listen to the following message.
http://www.covlife.org/resources/3728831-Christ_in_an%20_OrphanMaking_Culture
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Friday, July 09, 2010
Abba Changes Everything | Christianity Today | A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction
I just love this article! Thanks to Heather for sharing this!
Abba Changes Everything Christianity Today A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction
Abba Changes Everything Christianity Today A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction
Friday, July 10, 2009
Friday, May 08, 2009
Why Adopt?
"So why did you adopt?"
This is a question we often hear. Most are simply asking out of curiosity. I usually respond by telling people we felt led to adopt and that we view adoption as a natural way to add to our family. While this is certainly accurate, the story is really so much deeper and profound than that. Some people ask about adoption because they themselves are considering growing their own family through adoption. This is what I share with them...
While clearly our story is mainly about a little boy who was once named Dima finally having a forever family, it has also been an incredible personal journey for us. Adoption did not just add a child to our family or give a little boy a home, it drew us closer to God than we have ever been drawn before. It changed our hearts forever by forcing us to stand right next to real and precious children who do not have families. Their little faces are forever stamped in our minds and their need for families burns into our hearts. These children are REAL. There are millions of them. It often awes me that my son was once without a family. Yes, he was already our son in our hearts from the moment he was born, but he was physically without a family for the first 2 years of his life. That is a difficult reality for me to even begin to understand. Our son is home now, though, and he has a family. What about the kids who never end up with a family? I am haunted by those little faces we saw in the orphanage. What will become of them?
Some more questions we get...
Q: Did adoption scare us?
A: We were terrified.
Q: Was it hard?
A: The hardest thing we have ever done.
Q: Did we have the money needed to complete the process?
A: No, but God provided.
Q: Was our faith perfect through the process?
A: Not even close.
Q: Was God faithful?
A: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So why adopt?
Because it is one of the ways God grows families.
Because these kids NEED families.
Because if God is calling you to it, you will be blessed beyond your wildest dreams if you do as He asks.
"You need to perservere
so that when you have done the will of God
you will receive what he has promised."
Hebrews 10:36
"God makes everything happen at the right time.
Yet none of us can ever fully understand all he has done."
Ecclesiastes 3:11
"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father
means caring for orphans and widows in their distress
and refusing to let the world corrupt you."
James 1:27
This is a question we often hear. Most are simply asking out of curiosity. I usually respond by telling people we felt led to adopt and that we view adoption as a natural way to add to our family. While this is certainly accurate, the story is really so much deeper and profound than that. Some people ask about adoption because they themselves are considering growing their own family through adoption. This is what I share with them...
While clearly our story is mainly about a little boy who was once named Dima finally having a forever family, it has also been an incredible personal journey for us. Adoption did not just add a child to our family or give a little boy a home, it drew us closer to God than we have ever been drawn before. It changed our hearts forever by forcing us to stand right next to real and precious children who do not have families. Their little faces are forever stamped in our minds and their need for families burns into our hearts. These children are REAL. There are millions of them. It often awes me that my son was once without a family. Yes, he was already our son in our hearts from the moment he was born, but he was physically without a family for the first 2 years of his life. That is a difficult reality for me to even begin to understand. Our son is home now, though, and he has a family. What about the kids who never end up with a family? I am haunted by those little faces we saw in the orphanage. What will become of them?
Some more questions we get...
Q: Did adoption scare us?
A: We were terrified.
Q: Was it hard?
A: The hardest thing we have ever done.
Q: Did we have the money needed to complete the process?
A: No, but God provided.
Q: Was our faith perfect through the process?
A: Not even close.
Q: Was God faithful?
A: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So why adopt?
Because it is one of the ways God grows families.
Because these kids NEED families.
Because if God is calling you to it, you will be blessed beyond your wildest dreams if you do as He asks.
"You need to perservere
so that when you have done the will of God
you will receive what he has promised."
Hebrews 10:36
"God makes everything happen at the right time.
Yet none of us can ever fully understand all he has done."
Ecclesiastes 3:11
"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father
means caring for orphans and widows in their distress
and refusing to let the world corrupt you."
James 1:27
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