Check Out This Video (and then read Crazy Love)

I've decided that every now and then, I need to talk about the books that have truly changed the way I view life and God's plan for me in this life.  Francis Chan's book, "Crazy Love"  is incredible!  I strongly encourage you to check it out.  Not a huge expense or time commitment, just amazing :0)

I Love My Girls!

Just a few days ago, I took the girls outside for a little photo shoot.  It has been so beautiful here lately, so I wanted to take advantage of the awesome fall weather.  I got lucky this time, because BOTH girls decided to cooperate (Riley really dispises being photographed).  They even happily (!!!!!) posed for a few pics together, which is very rare. 

Ashley- she is so photogenic :0)



Riley and Ashley

The girls wanted a pic hanging upside down

Riley- my sweetie pie

Orphan Sunday is Coming Soon

Why Love Orphans? from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vim

Elijah's (Mikhail's) Little Brother

This is a picture of the Park family.  The cutie in the middle is Elijah (his Russian name is Mikhail).  This picture was taken in June 2008 in a hotel lobby in Moscow, just a few hours before Elijah finally got to go home and be with his Mommy and Daddy (and 3 brothers in America) FOREVER! 

Elijah lived in the orphanage with Caleb.  Elijah and Caleb received the gift of forever families on the same day.  We spent a total of (just about) 5 weeks in Russia with this precious family.  D and I still thank God everyday for giving us such incredible friends.  We got to share every moment of our adoption journeys together.  We never would have made it without them!

To us, Elijah and Caleb are brothers.

Now the Elijah's parents are in the process of going back to Russia to adopt Elijah's baby brother, Alexander, from the same baby house in Siberia.

Please pray for this family.  They will most likely be receiving their official referral very soon, which means their first trip to Russia will be in the next few weeks.  They do not have the funds at this time to complete the adoption of Alexander. 

To learn more, go to http://www.parkadoption.blogspot.com/

A Heart That Breaks Over and Over Again

2 years and 9 months ago, I experienced God's presence and peace in a way I never had before.  A long and difficult journey that sometimes seemed as dark as night was ending.... ending in a radiant joy that could only come in knowing D and I were right where God had led us to be... and that He was right there with us.

2 years and 9 month ago, at that exact same moment, my heart was shattered into a million tiny little pieces as I walked into a Siberian orphanage for the first time. I never knew my heart could be so full of joy and be breaking all at once.  We were finally there to meet our son!  But my heart and mind were screaming at me, telling me something was very wrong.

There was no sound.

"Where do they keep all the babies?", I thought.

"Surely they must be in another building."

But just as quickly as I had the thought, my son was led into the room.

Silent. 
Still. 
His beautiful little face expressionless.
Head down. 
Eyes on the floor.

No one reassured him.  No one held him

There he stood... all alone.

I became angry.

Why weren't they telling him what was going on?  Why wasn't anyone holding him?

I was afraid to touch him.  Never in all my life have I just waltzed into a room to immediately scoop up a toddler who doesn't even know me... not without another grown-up helping with the transition. 
I waited another moment, but nothing happened.
Finally, I could not wait one more second to hold him.  To comfort him.  To tell him that his Mama had finally found him!

He didn't even react as I walked toward him and picked him up.
His little body remained stiff and did not mold to mine.
He did not cling to me the way other babies do.
I had to take his little legs and wrap them around me.
He backed away from me as much as he could and froze in that position.

In that moment, I began to grip the reality of what living in an orphanage from birth does to a child.

A few months later, we got to return to Russia to finally bring our son home.

The orphanage was the same.

So quiet.  So hard to believe that baby house was home to 180 babies.  Their little spirits had been turned off.  Frozen because there were just not enough caregivers to repond to all of those infant cries.

For 2 years and 9 months, I have lived with the memory of all of those precious babies.  So many of their little faces are forever etched in my heart and mind.

My son has love now.  We have spent 2 years and 4 months praying and working to thaw his little frozen heart.  And God has been faithful.  Oh so very faithful.

Our son has found his voice. 
He begs to be held now. 
He loves to cuddle with his Mommy and Daddy now.
He looks right into our eyes now.
He knows he has worth.
His soul is alive!

But what about all of those other babies?
Not just in that one orphanage, but what about ALL of the precious children all over the world who have no one to call their own?  No one to call Mommy and Daddy.  No one to tell them they are fearfully and wonderfully made by a loving God.

God breaks my heart every day over their precious souls.  I have cried rivers of tears for them almost every day for 2 years and 9 months now. 

I used to beg God to heal my broken heart.  I was tired of being so sad all the time.
Now I thank God for breaking my heart every day.  It finally makes sense.

He breaks my heart so I never can forget.

Please take the time to listen to the following message.

  http://www.covlife.org/resources/3728831-Christ_in_an%20_OrphanMaking_Culture

Wrapp'in Up

Time to tell what has been going on in this crazy life of ours for the past few weeks.  Gosh, I really have slacked on the blog front :0(   I feel like I have been on a wild amusement park ride... whirling around so quickly, I am laughing and crying all at the same time from the pure thrill of it all.  The ride is slowing down enough now that the things around me are starting to come into focus... kinda.
Wow!  What a ride!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Clearly Caleb felt the strain of the past few weeks.  For about 5 weeks, he went back to asking for his bottle every morning.  And every time, just as he had settled into my arms, he would look up and ask, "Mama, are the big kids going to school TODAY?"  Every day, the answer was the same.  "No baby, not today", I would reply, "it will be a while still."   Caleb would frown and whimper in response and say, "Awwwwww man!  I was hoping it would be today... I want it to be just me and you!"

What a sweet little man!  How awesome is it that he knew what he needed and he asked for it.  And guess what?  Since the day the kids started back to school, I have not heard one word about the bottle.  Hmmm... we'll see what happens when he starts preschool next week and hockey a few weeks after that.

So here is what we have been up to since I last posted (warning: this is not a comprehensive list):
baseball, gymnastics, hockey (for Andrew), 2-day trip to St. Louis, Children's Museum, 6 birthday parties in three weeks, sibling fighting, visited 3 water parks, Grandma and Grandpa came to visit, Ashley and Riley's 8th birthday, Ashley and Riley's birthday slumber party (8 little girls don't sleep much, but D and i survived!!!!), friends baptized, babies born, playdates, lots of random swimming at our house (usually including at least 2 or 3 neighborhood children), even more end-of-summer sibling fighting, several random sleep-overs, playing at the park (an attempt at squelching sibling fighting), visits to the library (trying to keep their brains alive until their return to school), Dr. visits, getting ready for school, first week back to school, lots of end-of-summer injuries, one nasty infected spider bite (Caleb), D and I went on a DATE (!!!!), summer colds, several family movie nights and finishing the basement (finally)!  Whew!  And somehow D and I still went to work and got some occasional sleep in the midst of all of that.

One thing I haven't done at all in the past few weeks:
post on our blog.  And I haven't done much cleaning.

Stay tuned for pictures!

An Important Milestone

The end of July marked a very important milestone for us and for Caleb.  He has now been with his forever family longer than he was in the orphanage.  I remember when he first came home, this milestone seemed so very far away.  Although we still see some lingering orphanage behaviors and we are still working toward complete attachment, Caleb comfort level and ability to trust has grown leaps and bounds over the past 2 years.  It is such a blessing that we still get to see a wall come tumbling down every few weeks or so.  Just the other day, for example, I saw Caleb come running up to his Daddy out-of-the-blue to give him a huge unsolicited hug and kiss.  This is the first time he has ever done this.  Giving affection to his Daddy is one of the walls we have longed to see come down.  It was thrilling that I got to be there to witness it.  How awesome to see D's face light up and Caleb's huge grin!  He knew he had just given his Daddy a VERY big gift.  Since then, as if to make up for lost time, Caleb regularly re-enacts the moment and has been showering his Daddy with the love that has been withheld for so long.  We know God is working in Caleb's heart and now we are getting to see the fruit of His love.  Thank you, God for allowing us to be part of this unfolding miracle... we know you are not done yet!

Sand, Surf, Family... and an Engagement!

Caleb FINALLY at the beach!

We went to the beach!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
We had a wonderful week in Maryland visiting family! Caleb has been to MD three times now.  On this trip, he FINALLY got to go to the beach when it was warm enough to play in the sand and swim in the ocean (only took two years- sorry buddy!). Caleb LOVED it and we all had so much fun. Thanks to Mom and Dad for letting us all stay at your house- it was crazy and loud, but fun :0) The week was topped off with wonderful news! My sister and her high school sweetheart got engaged!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Looks like we will be attending a wedding at the beach next year :0)  We can't wait!!!!! 

Cousins- Andrew and Trevor

Riley- NOT a fan of Maryland crabs (loved the restaurant, though!)

Ashley

Riley

Cousin Chloe and Caleb having fun :0)

Suzy and soon-to-be Uncle Myrick!  We are so excited :0)

Ashley

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Caleb was a little scared of the water at first, but he got over it!

Caleb loved the sand!

Dr. Karyn Purvis...Invaluable

Understanding the Importance of Neurotransmitters from Tapestry on Vimeo.

Be sure to stop the music below.

Abba Changes Everything | Christianity Today | A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction

I just love this article!  Thanks to Heather for sharing this! 
Abba Changes Everything Christianity Today A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction

Tonight's Sunset... Incredible

I know reminders of God's majesty and creation are all around me all the time, but sometimes I just love being confronted with something I absolutely cannot ignore.  Something that draws me out of the busyness of life and forces me to leave it all behind for a few moments... a drop-everything-and-breathlessly-take-it-in kind of display. Tonight's sunset was that kind of sight. 

Amazing!

Belated Forever Family Day

Can you guess which movie we saw this weekend?  We wanted to see this movie on Forever Family Day (June 11th), but we had to wait until yesterday to see it since it just opened on Friday.  It was worth the wait!  All 6 of us loved it... AND it was Caleb's first big screen movie!  Now Woody and Buzz follow us wherever we go.  The kids insisted they come outside to eat dinner with us on the patio last night.  Caleb wanted his picture taken with them.  Aside from the movie, our day was filled with baseball, swimming and ice cream!  Fun was had by all :0)

Caleb loves playing baseball!

To be fair, it was VERY hot and almost naptime! 

Wow! I LOVE these videos!!!!!

These videos are incredible!  Soooooooo helpful for anyone who has a child with attachment/ PI / behavior issues.  Thanks to Amy for reminding me to watch these.  I've watched about 10 so far and can't wait to watch them all.  Thanks Laura for sharing these on your blog!

Happy Gotcha Day, Dimka-Doodle!

Happy Gotcha Day to my baby of the bunch!  I absolutely cannot believe it has really been 2 years since we left the orphanage with Caleb safely in our arms forever.  I know many miracles took place on our journey to our son and I am still awestruck when I reflect on them.  Our God is an AWESOME God!

So how is Caleb celebrating his very special day?  Well, he woke up to the smell of blueberry muffins (his favorite) and got to hear the story of the very first Gotcha Day.  Then, we went to church and had a great morning!  After church, Caleb got a Happy Meal for lunch at his request and gobbled it right up.   Now, C-monkey is spending the afternoon swimming to his heart''s content, which is a real dream-come-true for him (no nap enforced today!).   Later Grandma and Grandpa will come over for a family BBQ in the backyard.  Should be fun!!!

Happy Gotcha Day, Dimka-Doodle!  We love you so VERY MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Salute

I just had to put this on here... it is just too cute! As soon as I added the Russian National Anthem to our blog, I was reminded of something. Whenever it plays, he does this...

We discovered this fact shortly after he came home almost 2 years ago.  We just happened to be watching Rocky IV, and as soon as the anthem started (Ivan Drago is getting ready to fight Rocky- he is Russian), Caleb stopped playing, stood up, situated himself within a few inches of the TV, and saluted the TV for the entire duration of the song.  That was quite a sight, watching a 2 year-old do that.  My guess is the kids in the baby house were taught to do this- maybe they did it every day, kind of like the kids here recite the Pledge of Allegiance. 

Fast forward 2 years and Caleb is still well-trained and will drop whatever he is doing to fulfill his duty.  In the pic above, he was right in the middle of eating when the anthem started to play.  Too cute :0)

Keep'in it Russian- Part One

Keeping Russian culture and reminders of Russia in our daily lives as much as possible is a goal D and I have for our family.  We want C to grow up feeling proud of who he is and we want him to know that we are all feel very deeply about his place of birth.  We know Russia made a sacrifice when they allowed C to become a part of our family and grow up in the U.S.... we haven't forgotten that fact.

We have done a lot of things to keep Russia in our lives, and I don't have the time to go through all of them (I'll do that in the next post), but here's one I love.  I love it because D did this one all on his own.  He's such a good Daddy :0)

Since Andrew is a hockey player and Caleb aspires to be the same, D thought it would be really special for them to have Krasnoyarsk hockey jerseys.  Andrew has already worn his on the ice during practice.  He looked pretty cool in it and was really proud to have a Russian hockey jersey.  I just love the fact that he can tell people he has actually been to Krasnoyarsk.  It truly was a blessing to get to share that experience with our oldest son.  And it is so special that he can tell his little brother stories all about the things we saw and did there together.

Someday Caleb will get to wear his jersey while he is playing hockey and he'll get to tell people that he is actually from Kras. 

Caleb is 4!

Caleb Rides a Bike!

Last night, Caleb decided it was time to ride a bike. Once you watch the video, it will surprise you to know he doesn't even have a bike (the one he's riding in the video belongs to a friend and he just loaned it to Caleb last night). His best buddy's dad gave him a one minute training session and then off he went! I was quite surprised to come outside and see this...

Just like that.

I'm still in awe that Caleb could accomplish such a thing so quickly. He is such a determined little boy! This is the same child who could not even walk very well when we met him at 20 months of age... and the same boy who always had bruises on his head during the first year home because he would forget to look where he was going as he walked. Even just a few months ago in Disney World, he walked full throttle right into a big metal trashcan. Needless to say, the trachcan didn't budge, but Caleb made quite a noise bouncing off of it. Poor guy! Caused quite a stir amongst onlookers.

Anyway, I am quite proud of our little guy and how far he has come. With our other three kids, riding a bike was a huge accomplishment in and of itself. For Caleb, it is so much more.

Pardon me while I cry...

My baby is growing up.

Easter

Some of Caleb's loot- we try our best to keep the candy volume down and the message of Easter included!

Easter morning before church

We had a great Easter! The weather was beautiful (no snow!). The kids woke up to very full Easter baskets, so of course they had chocolate bunnies and jelly beans for breakfast (isn't that what all kids have for breakfast on Easter morning?). A very short time later, they were eating more candy from the eggs they collected during the Helicopter drop Easter egg hunt at church. It's always fun to see thousands of candy-filled eggs fall from the sky!

After an awesome church service and lunch, the kids were cut off from their candy, so we could enjoy a yummy Easter dinner with Grandma and Grandpa.
Favorite Easter memory from this year?

The song playing is the song they sang for closing at church today. Throughout the song, our 2 girls and one of their friends from church sang at the top of their lungs and did all of the motions that go with it (they learned these in kids worship). It was so moving to me to watch their joy in God's love. How awesome that Christ died for all of us!?! The icing on the cake is that our kids are excited about it.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life Lesson: You Win Some, You Lose Some

Caleb learned the hard way this past weekend that sometimes you lose- even if you gave your best effort... and he wasn't even the one giving the effort.
Andrew had a hockey tournament all last week and the entire family attended every game. Caleb LOVES to watch hockey- especially if his big brother is playing. The first three games went really well and Andrew's team won all of them. By the time the fourth one came last Friday night, we were all in a hockey fervor (the Olympic hockey we were watching at home during the same period of time fed right into it). Just 2 wins more and Andrew's team would play the final game on the ice of the area's minor league team. A big deal.
With that said, Andrew's team was playing to win.
The problem?
The other team was playing to win too.
Friday's hockey game was a riveting one. Tensions in the stands were high, and Caleb picked up on that. He knew this game was important. He cheered loudly and constantly for his brother and his team (which was so sweet to watch!). In the third period with only seconds to go, Andrew's team was down one goal. People all around us were cheering wildly for Andrew's team to take a shot. Andrew was playing defense and defended a shot taken on his team's goal. With three seconds left on the clock, one of the boys on Andrew's team took charge of the puck and raced down the ice to take a shot. The stands erupted. The shot was taken and the puck started to cross the line. The clock's buzzer blared. We were left not knowing if the goal counted. If it counted, the game would go into overtime. We waited for the ref's call.
"No goal", I heard a grandpa behind me say.
"It's over. They lost.", Dennis said flatly.
I turned to get Caleb and the girls ready to go, and that's when it happened.
Caleb's sweet little face slowly scrunched up into a huge pout as he absorbed the reality. And then he began to wail.
I asked him why he was crying and he sobbed, "because they lost... Andrew lost".
Poor guy. The tears were streaming down his face and he could not be consoled.
The Zamboni finally came out and that helped a little, but Caleb continued to pout.
As soon as Andrew came out of the locker room, Caleb started to cry all over again. He ran up to Andrew and through his tears said, "I'm sorry you lost Andrew".
Andrew's reaction was precious... he scooped his little brother up in a big hug and said, "It's O.K., buddy, I can't always win" (Dennis told me later that Andrew had been pretty upset in the locker room, so for him to pull it together like that for his little brother made us both proud :0).
And with that, Caleb's world was set right again.
He was a little sad 2 days later when Team U.S.A. lost the hockey game to Canada in overtime, but after just a few minutes, Caleb said, "Don't worry, Mommy. They played a good game".
That's right, buddy. And that's what really matters.