A few people have asked me some questions about attachment after reading the recent post on Caleb's recent attachment progress. Here's a great recorded radio show that really goes through all of the basics of identifying attachment issues and methods / resources for dealing with them.
www.creatingafamily.org/radioplayer once you're there, go to the program dated April 21,2010, entitled
"What is Happening With Russian Adoptions / Raising a Child With Attachment Issues
Great program for any family dealing with these issues- not just children adopted from Russian orphanages.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
"Children Of God" - Official Music Video
Third Day's new song... I just love this video! It is absolutely beautiful!
Mute the player music on this blog and check it out :0)
Monday, March 21, 2011
The Sweetest Little Miracles
Caleb has been home for over two and a half years now, but we are still seeing increasing signs of attachment. I remember the first time our therapist told me full attachment can take 3-4 years for a child who comes home at two or older. I almost got up and left her office right then! The thought terrified me and angered me all at the same time. Caleb had only been home for a year at that time. It seemed impossible to me that a child who had only been on this earth for 24 months (25 in Caleb's case). would take longer than 24 months to fully attach. Was she crazy? How hard could it be to love and to allow oneself to be loved???? Little did I know it then, but she couldn't have been more right. And so began my journey to reality, helped along by countless hours and sleepless nights spent learning all I possibly could on the subject of...
ATTACHMENT.
Clearly, there are many factors that influence attachment, such as: age at adoption, fetal health, previous experience with attachment to one or two loving adults, consistent care, disposition of the child, and exposure to previous and current traumatic events (the transition from orphanage living to living in a family counts as seriously traumatic for many kids). Some kids attach quickly and relatively easily. In Caleb's case, though, most of his history clearly indicated that he would struggle. It took me a long time to come to terms with this. It is so difficult to want to give you child love, peace and security, only to end up feeling as though you are failing him. I am the Mommy, and Mommies are supposed to make everything better for their babies.
One thing I can say about our attachment struggles is that I wouldn't trade them for the world. I have learned to let go of the fear and the overanalyzing. Now I just live in the positives of today (or perhaps yesterday or last week if today is not going so well). No longer do I take the peace and joy in my childrens' hearts for granted.
Hmmm... this is something the therapist wanted me to work on even at the 1 year home mark. Better late than never, right?
Anyway, I have learned to appreciate even the smallest of loving gestures. I cannot tell you how absolutely amazing it is when I hear my son's sweet voice singing, "I love my Mama, she is the bestest Mama ever", when I am in the other room and he doesn't know I am listening. When he isn't saying those things because he knows he should say them, but he is saying those things because he really feels that way in that moment. Truly, the room starts spinning and I am on cloud nine when my son stops what he is doing just to run up to me, cup my face in his hands, and tell me how glad he is that I am his Mama. My heart nearly stops as his big blue eyes search to lock with mine, as they silently echo the sentiment. Don't get me wrong, I have always adored hearing all of my children speak so lovingly and sweetly. I LOVE when I can nearly SEE their little hearts spilling over with love and contentment. It is so huge to KNOW that you are loved... to rest in that fact... to relish that fact. This has not always been the case with my Caleb, so when I see that joy and contentment in him, it takes all the strength I've got to keep from screaming out loud with joy. I don't want to scare the poor child, after all!
Some of the things that have been happening lately are really big, and I need to blog so I won't forget them.
Last week, Caleb came to me in the night and said he needed me because he was scared. He has never done this before. In the past, he has only called for me / cried in his sleep.
A few weeks ago, Caleb was not feeling well and actually slept soundly and contentedly between D and I for several hours. He even wrapped his little arm around me in his sleep. Obviously, I didn't sleep much... I was trying to relish every moment. As a mom to 3 older kids, I honestly never thought I would be lying in the dark in the middle of the night just giddy that my kid was in bed next to me and hanging on me!
In the past, C has always had trouble sleeping near anyone. He always likes to sleep alone, so this accomplishment is really, really huge.
When we went out of town for 2 nights a few weeks ago, C stayed with Grandma and Grandpa for the first time. On the second day, he cried and said he missed his Mommy and Daddy. Granted, he has never stayed without us for quite so long before, but C has stayed overnight at Grandma's and Grandpa's a few times before(in the past year- never before that b/c of needing to bond with us). In the past, he has never cried because he wanted to go home... he has only cried because he didn't want to be home.
During a hockey weekend away about a month or so ago, Caleb got teary and told me he missed his home. Once we did arrive back home, he told me he was soooooo happy we were home. He even ran to his room and dove in his bed to hug his pillow. Another new one for him! He's the kind of kid who can't wait to go somewhere and never wants the adventure to end.
Last thing... C has always been fairly aggressive with the dog. He figured out early on that he could control her, so he would often poke her, hit her, pull her tail, etc. when I was not looking. Honestly, it's crazy to me that he is that bold, given the fact that she outweighs him by about 40 pounds. Unfortunately (or fortunately), Sadie just takes all of the abuse and has never retaliated. We have been working with C quite a bit on this behavior. Whenever he is upset, he tends to feel the need to control, so he uses the dog as an outlet. We have been working on other outlets and I am so proud of C, because he is really doing well with this. Lately, he comes to me more often than not to let me know he is upset and needs a hug. There have been a few times I have even caught him using her as a comfort in a completely normal way. Yesterday, I walked in on him with her and saw him lying next to her and petting her gently. He told me he was sad and she was helping him to feel better. To be honest, I had rounded the corner steeling my heart for the gentle reprimand (and resulting fit) that would need to come as soon as I laid my eyes on him treating her poorly AGAIN. And yet, that is not at all what I found around the corner. That left me awestruck.
I look forward to what each new day will bring, as God is still doing miracles in Caleb's heart! How awesome it is, not only to have a front row seat, but to actually get to see, touch and feel the miracles God is creating :0)
If you are interested in reading more about attachment, check out
http://www.onethankfulmom.com/
ATTACHMENT.
Clearly, there are many factors that influence attachment, such as: age at adoption, fetal health, previous experience with attachment to one or two loving adults, consistent care, disposition of the child, and exposure to previous and current traumatic events (the transition from orphanage living to living in a family counts as seriously traumatic for many kids). Some kids attach quickly and relatively easily. In Caleb's case, though, most of his history clearly indicated that he would struggle. It took me a long time to come to terms with this. It is so difficult to want to give you child love, peace and security, only to end up feeling as though you are failing him. I am the Mommy, and Mommies are supposed to make everything better for their babies.
One thing I can say about our attachment struggles is that I wouldn't trade them for the world. I have learned to let go of the fear and the overanalyzing. Now I just live in the positives of today (or perhaps yesterday or last week if today is not going so well). No longer do I take the peace and joy in my childrens' hearts for granted.
Hmmm... this is something the therapist wanted me to work on even at the 1 year home mark. Better late than never, right?
Anyway, I have learned to appreciate even the smallest of loving gestures. I cannot tell you how absolutely amazing it is when I hear my son's sweet voice singing, "I love my Mama, she is the bestest Mama ever", when I am in the other room and he doesn't know I am listening. When he isn't saying those things because he knows he should say them, but he is saying those things because he really feels that way in that moment. Truly, the room starts spinning and I am on cloud nine when my son stops what he is doing just to run up to me, cup my face in his hands, and tell me how glad he is that I am his Mama. My heart nearly stops as his big blue eyes search to lock with mine, as they silently echo the sentiment. Don't get me wrong, I have always adored hearing all of my children speak so lovingly and sweetly. I LOVE when I can nearly SEE their little hearts spilling over with love and contentment. It is so huge to KNOW that you are loved... to rest in that fact... to relish that fact. This has not always been the case with my Caleb, so when I see that joy and contentment in him, it takes all the strength I've got to keep from screaming out loud with joy. I don't want to scare the poor child, after all!
Some of the things that have been happening lately are really big, and I need to blog so I won't forget them.
Last week, Caleb came to me in the night and said he needed me because he was scared. He has never done this before. In the past, he has only called for me / cried in his sleep.
A few weeks ago, Caleb was not feeling well and actually slept soundly and contentedly between D and I for several hours. He even wrapped his little arm around me in his sleep. Obviously, I didn't sleep much... I was trying to relish every moment. As a mom to 3 older kids, I honestly never thought I would be lying in the dark in the middle of the night just giddy that my kid was in bed next to me and hanging on me!
In the past, C has always had trouble sleeping near anyone. He always likes to sleep alone, so this accomplishment is really, really huge.
When we went out of town for 2 nights a few weeks ago, C stayed with Grandma and Grandpa for the first time. On the second day, he cried and said he missed his Mommy and Daddy. Granted, he has never stayed without us for quite so long before, but C has stayed overnight at Grandma's and Grandpa's a few times before(in the past year- never before that b/c of needing to bond with us). In the past, he has never cried because he wanted to go home... he has only cried because he didn't want to be home.
During a hockey weekend away about a month or so ago, Caleb got teary and told me he missed his home. Once we did arrive back home, he told me he was soooooo happy we were home. He even ran to his room and dove in his bed to hug his pillow. Another new one for him! He's the kind of kid who can't wait to go somewhere and never wants the adventure to end.
Last thing... C has always been fairly aggressive with the dog. He figured out early on that he could control her, so he would often poke her, hit her, pull her tail, etc. when I was not looking. Honestly, it's crazy to me that he is that bold, given the fact that she outweighs him by about 40 pounds. Unfortunately (or fortunately), Sadie just takes all of the abuse and has never retaliated. We have been working with C quite a bit on this behavior. Whenever he is upset, he tends to feel the need to control, so he uses the dog as an outlet. We have been working on other outlets and I am so proud of C, because he is really doing well with this. Lately, he comes to me more often than not to let me know he is upset and needs a hug. There have been a few times I have even caught him using her as a comfort in a completely normal way. Yesterday, I walked in on him with her and saw him lying next to her and petting her gently. He told me he was sad and she was helping him to feel better. To be honest, I had rounded the corner steeling my heart for the gentle reprimand (and resulting fit) that would need to come as soon as I laid my eyes on him treating her poorly AGAIN. And yet, that is not at all what I found around the corner. That left me awestruck.
I look forward to what each new day will bring, as God is still doing miracles in Caleb's heart! How awesome it is, not only to have a front row seat, but to actually get to see, touch and feel the miracles God is creating :0)
If you are interested in reading more about attachment, check out
http://www.onethankfulmom.com/
Thursday, March 03, 2011
Mileage????
Can someone tell me what this child does to make his P.J.'s look this way? Clearly I am missing something, because during most of his waking hours, C wears socks and shoes... or he's barefoot.
Hmmmm...
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
The Park Family Has a Court Date!!!!!!!!!
The Park Family has received a court date to bring Aleksandr home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please check their blog at parkadoption.blogspot.com to read more. Please pray for this family. We love them so dearly and can't wait to hear the news that Aleksandr is home forever with his 4 brothers. God is about to do another miracle!!!
Please check their blog at parkadoption.blogspot.com to read more. Please pray for this family. We love them so dearly and can't wait to hear the news that Aleksandr is home forever with his 4 brothers. God is about to do another miracle!!!
Sunday, January 02, 2011
A Fun Christmas Surprise!
Hope you all had a VERY Merry Christmas! We had a great one here, despite the fact that it was all over much too soon :0( Andrew will be 10 years old in just 2 days, so I realize I don't have much longer to celebrate Christmas in such a fun and childlike way (although, there will hopefully be grandchildren someday...). I just love the JOY children bring to Christmas. Yes, it is all SO very tiring, but the smiles and laughter makes it all SOOOOOO worthwhile. And the family time we get to enjoy is priceless.
The biggest highlight this year was snow and sledding on Christmas eve. We got to go to Christmas eve service with our hair still wet from our time spent sledding together. Honestly, I'm fairly certain that was one of the best family times we have ever had. We went to a local park with some huge sledding hills and there weren't many other people there (not many people are crazy enough to go to a park with huge hills on the entrance drive during a snowstorm!). The snow was pouring out of the sky, and everything was so white and pristine. I just love how quiet and beautiful it is when the snow is coming down like that. And our kids had SO MUCH FUN!!! I can't say I have ever been sledding on Christmas Eve before. It was certainly worth ignoring the final Christmas preparations that needed to be completed at home. They got done later... MUCH later :0)
The biggest highlight this year was snow and sledding on Christmas eve. We got to go to Christmas eve service with our hair still wet from our time spent sledding together. Honestly, I'm fairly certain that was one of the best family times we have ever had. We went to a local park with some huge sledding hills and there weren't many other people there (not many people are crazy enough to go to a park with huge hills on the entrance drive during a snowstorm!). The snow was pouring out of the sky, and everything was so white and pristine. I just love how quiet and beautiful it is when the snow is coming down like that. And our kids had SO MUCH FUN!!! I can't say I have ever been sledding on Christmas Eve before. It was certainly worth ignoring the final Christmas preparations that needed to be completed at home. They got done later... MUCH later :0)
Friday, December 24, 2010
Caleb's Christmas Program
Thursday, December 02, 2010
Proud Mama
My oldest is such an awesome kid! He is my firstborn and will always have a very special place in my heart because of that. His quirky sense of humor is just the absolute best! His ultra deep heart is one of the other gifts God gave him that I cherish. I thank God for every moment I get to spend with him, and I miss him when we are not together. On top of it all, Andrew is a very responsible kid and I am so proud of the young man he is becoming (despite the fact that I am protesting the speed at which this seems to be happening).
Just recently, Andrew got his report card and he is now an HONOR ROLL student!
Straight A's!!!!!!!! Woo-hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You go, boy :0)
Monday, November 22, 2010
All Things Hockey
Hockey season is in full swing, and C is loving it! Between Andrew playing travel and C playing developmental (3x per week), our life is all about hockey right now. It is impressive how quickly C has gone from falling 32 times per minute, to actually skating in full gear for an hour with a stick in hand.
The icing on the cake for C is watching the Zamboni at the end of practice before the big boys take the ice. He is officially obsessed with everything Zamboni.
I just hope the Zamboni guy is cool with being stalked :0)
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| Waiting for the Zamboni to come by |
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| Here it comes! This just THRILLS Caleb every time. |
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| Caleb stops to chat with his friend, Henry |
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| C in action. Sorry for the poor quality, this pic is taken through the net. |
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| What a cutie pie!!!!!!! |
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Thumbs Up For Preschool!
Caleb has been attending preschool 2 mornings a week since the beginning of September. I have held off posting on his progress until I felt he was really settled. Oftentimes, Caleb starts out really well in a new situation, but slides into bad behavior slowly after a few weeks. Situations like church and school are very stressful for him because there are so many other kids around and overstimulation is a big threat. Perhaps these situations remind him of living in the orphanage... always around so many other people... having to fend for himself. There is also the fear of abandonment (very real in his mind). In the past year or two, he has often told me he is afraid I will never come back to get him. He even has nightmares about it. Breaks my heart. Of course, I always reassure him that I will ALWAYS come back. That I will ALWAYS be his Mama and he will ALWAYS be my baby. I explain to him that that is how God designed it. Once you have a forever Mama, it really is FOREVER. We talk about this every day. We spent all summer working on his understanding of our relationship and how solid it is. We prayed that C would grow to completely rest in our love for him every day.
And then September came.
I must admit, I was extremely nervous about preschool. I had no idea how C would take it. I was worried he would relapse into the angry and frightened little boy he once was. That he would feel somehow threatened by the experience. Now that we are 2 solid months in, I can safely say none of my fears have turned into reality, despite the fact that we have also thrown the stress of hockey into the mix. Caleb has done amazingly well and he absolutely loves school! He even got a perfect midterm report from his teacher 2 weeks ago. We are SOOOOOOO very proud :0)
I never cease to be amazed with my baby and how faithful God has been!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was "dress silly day", so that's why all of the kids in the video look the way they do :0)
And then September came.
I must admit, I was extremely nervous about preschool. I had no idea how C would take it. I was worried he would relapse into the angry and frightened little boy he once was. That he would feel somehow threatened by the experience. Now that we are 2 solid months in, I can safely say none of my fears have turned into reality, despite the fact that we have also thrown the stress of hockey into the mix. Caleb has done amazingly well and he absolutely loves school! He even got a perfect midterm report from his teacher 2 weeks ago. We are SOOOOOOO very proud :0)
I never cease to be amazed with my baby and how faithful God has been!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Back to Siberia
Goodness! I just can't sleep!!!!
The day has finally arrived, and the Parks (see Oct. 12th post below) are on a plane over the North Pole right now at this moment... on their way to meet their son in Siberia for the very first time. Last time they were on this journey, we were with them... meeting our son for the very first time. What a precious moment!
Please pray for the journey this time around to go smoothly (just as it did last time) and for the visit with their son to fill their hearts with heaps of joy that they can hold on to until they can return to take him home forever! Please also pray for their 4 boys at home, that their child hearts are filled with a peace and understanding that only God can give.
I just can't wait to see that precious little face! I am about to become an Auntie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The day has finally arrived, and the Parks (see Oct. 12th post below) are on a plane over the North Pole right now at this moment... on their way to meet their son in Siberia for the very first time. Last time they were on this journey, we were with them... meeting our son for the very first time. What a precious moment!
Please pray for the journey this time around to go smoothly (just as it did last time) and for the visit with their son to fill their hearts with heaps of joy that they can hold on to until they can return to take him home forever! Please also pray for their 4 boys at home, that their child hearts are filled with a peace and understanding that only God can give.
I just can't wait to see that precious little face! I am about to become an Auntie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, November 08, 2010
Halloween
Halloween went off without a hitch this year!!! What a relief :0) Last year was a disaster for Ashley and Riley, who both got sick shortly after I finished taking pictures last year :0(
This year, all of the kids had a blast! The older 3 love Trick-or-Treating with Caleb because they only have to follow behind him and he does all of the work (they are quite shy around adults and before Caleb came along, I would be the one to have to knock on doors or ring the doorbells). The only difficult part for the big kids is keeping up with their very outgoing and determined little brother. He is a Halloween pro :0)
This year, Caleb was joined by his equally outgoing and determined best buddy, Logan (A.K.A. Superman). They were an unstoppable superhero duo!!!
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| Cowgirl (Ash). Hockey Player, Batman and Gypsy (Ril) |
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| 2 seconds before start time! This kid was EXCITED!!!! |
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| The face says it all! |
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Check Out This Video (and then read Crazy Love)
I've decided that every now and then, I need to talk about the books that have truly changed the way I view life and God's plan for me in this life. Francis Chan's book, "Crazy Love" is incredible! I strongly encourage you to check it out. Not a huge expense or time commitment, just amazing :0)
Sunday, October 24, 2010
I Love My Girls!
Just a few days ago, I took the girls outside for a little photo shoot. It has been so beautiful here lately, so I wanted to take advantage of the awesome fall weather. I got lucky this time, because BOTH girls decided to cooperate (Riley really dispises being photographed). They even happily (!!!!!) posed for a few pics together, which is very rare.
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| Ashley- she is so photogenic :0) |
Riley and Ashley
The girls wanted a pic hanging upside down
Riley- my sweetie pie
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Elijah's (Mikhail's) Little Brother
This is a picture of the Park family. The cutie in the middle is Elijah (his Russian name is Mikhail). This picture was taken in June 2008 in a hotel lobby in Moscow, just a few hours before Elijah finally got to go home and be with his Mommy and Daddy (and 3 brothers in America) FOREVER!
Elijah lived in the orphanage with Caleb. Elijah and Caleb received the gift of forever families on the same day. We spent a total of (just about) 5 weeks in Russia with this precious family. D and I still thank God everyday for giving us such incredible friends. We got to share every moment of our adoption journeys together. We never would have made it without them!
To us, Elijah and Caleb are brothers.
Now the Elijah's parents are in the process of going back to Russia to adopt Elijah's baby brother, Alexander, from the same baby house in Siberia.
Please pray for this family. They will most likely be receiving their official referral very soon, which means their first trip to Russia will be in the next few weeks. They do not have the funds at this time to complete the adoption of Alexander.
To learn more, go to http://www.parkadoption.blogspot.com/
Thursday, September 23, 2010
A Heart That Breaks Over and Over Again
2 years and 9 months ago, I experienced God's presence and peace in a way I never had before. A long and difficult journey that sometimes seemed as dark as night was ending.... ending in a radiant joy that could only come in knowing D and I were right where God had led us to be... and that He was right there with us.
2 years and 9 month ago, at that exact same moment, my heart was shattered into a million tiny little pieces as I walked into a Siberian orphanage for the first time. I never knew my heart could be so full of joy and be breaking all at once. We were finally there to meet our son! But my heart and mind were screaming at me, telling me something was very wrong.
There was no sound.
"Where do they keep all the babies?", I thought.
"Surely they must be in another building."
But just as quickly as I had the thought, my son was led into the room.
Silent.
Still.
His beautiful little face expressionless.
Head down.
Eyes on the floor.
No one reassured him. No one held him
There he stood... all alone.
I became angry.
Why weren't they telling him what was going on? Why wasn't anyone holding him?
I was afraid to touch him. Never in all my life have I just waltzed into a room to immediately scoop up a toddler who doesn't even know me... not without another grown-up helping with the transition.
I waited another moment, but nothing happened.
Finally, I could not wait one more second to hold him. To comfort him. To tell him that his Mama had finally found him!
He didn't even react as I walked toward him and picked him up.
His little body remained stiff and did not mold to mine.
He did not cling to me the way other babies do.
I had to take his little legs and wrap them around me.
He backed away from me as much as he could and froze in that position.
In that moment, I began to grip the reality of what living in an orphanage from birth does to a child.
A few months later, we got to return to Russia to finally bring our son home.
The orphanage was the same.
So quiet. So hard to believe that baby house was home to 180 babies. Their little spirits had been turned off. Frozen because there were just not enough caregivers to repond to all of those infant cries.
For 2 years and 9 months, I have lived with the memory of all of those precious babies. So many of their little faces are forever etched in my heart and mind.
My son has love now. We have spent 2 years and 4 months praying and working to thaw his little frozen heart. And God has been faithful. Oh so very faithful.
Our son has found his voice.
He begs to be held now.
He loves to cuddle with his Mommy and Daddy now.
He looks right into our eyes now.
He knows he has worth.
His soul is alive!
But what about all of those other babies?
Not just in that one orphanage, but what about ALL of the precious children all over the world who have no one to call their own? No one to call Mommy and Daddy. No one to tell them they are fearfully and wonderfully made by a loving God.
God breaks my heart every day over their precious souls. I have cried rivers of tears for them almost every day for 2 years and 9 months now.
I used to beg God to heal my broken heart. I was tired of being so sad all the time.
Now I thank God for breaking my heart every day. It finally makes sense.
He breaks my heart so I never can forget.
Please take the time to listen to the following message.
http://www.covlife.org/resources/3728831-Christ_in_an%20_OrphanMaking_Culture
2 years and 9 month ago, at that exact same moment, my heart was shattered into a million tiny little pieces as I walked into a Siberian orphanage for the first time. I never knew my heart could be so full of joy and be breaking all at once. We were finally there to meet our son! But my heart and mind were screaming at me, telling me something was very wrong.
There was no sound.
"Where do they keep all the babies?", I thought.
"Surely they must be in another building."
But just as quickly as I had the thought, my son was led into the room.
Silent.
Still.
His beautiful little face expressionless.
Head down.
Eyes on the floor.
No one reassured him. No one held him
There he stood... all alone.
I became angry.
Why weren't they telling him what was going on? Why wasn't anyone holding him?
I was afraid to touch him. Never in all my life have I just waltzed into a room to immediately scoop up a toddler who doesn't even know me... not without another grown-up helping with the transition.
I waited another moment, but nothing happened.
Finally, I could not wait one more second to hold him. To comfort him. To tell him that his Mama had finally found him!
He didn't even react as I walked toward him and picked him up.
His little body remained stiff and did not mold to mine.
He did not cling to me the way other babies do.
I had to take his little legs and wrap them around me.
He backed away from me as much as he could and froze in that position.
In that moment, I began to grip the reality of what living in an orphanage from birth does to a child.
A few months later, we got to return to Russia to finally bring our son home.
The orphanage was the same.
So quiet. So hard to believe that baby house was home to 180 babies. Their little spirits had been turned off. Frozen because there were just not enough caregivers to repond to all of those infant cries.
For 2 years and 9 months, I have lived with the memory of all of those precious babies. So many of their little faces are forever etched in my heart and mind.
My son has love now. We have spent 2 years and 4 months praying and working to thaw his little frozen heart. And God has been faithful. Oh so very faithful.
Our son has found his voice.
He begs to be held now.
He loves to cuddle with his Mommy and Daddy now.
He looks right into our eyes now.
He knows he has worth.
His soul is alive!
But what about all of those other babies?
Not just in that one orphanage, but what about ALL of the precious children all over the world who have no one to call their own? No one to call Mommy and Daddy. No one to tell them they are fearfully and wonderfully made by a loving God.
God breaks my heart every day over their precious souls. I have cried rivers of tears for them almost every day for 2 years and 9 months now.
I used to beg God to heal my broken heart. I was tired of being so sad all the time.
Now I thank God for breaking my heart every day. It finally makes sense.
He breaks my heart so I never can forget.
Please take the time to listen to the following message.
http://www.covlife.org/resources/3728831-Christ_in_an%20_OrphanMaking_Culture
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
Wrapp'in Up
Wow! What a ride!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Clearly Caleb felt the strain of the past few weeks. For about 5 weeks, he went back to asking for his bottle every morning. And every time, just as he had settled into my arms, he would look up and ask, "Mama, are the big kids going to school TODAY?" Every day, the answer was the same. "No baby, not today", I would reply, "it will be a while still." Caleb would frown and whimper in response and say, "Awwwwww man! I was hoping it would be today... I want it to be just me and you!"
What a sweet little man! How awesome is it that he knew what he needed and he asked for it. And guess what? Since the day the kids started back to school, I have not heard one word about the bottle. Hmmm... we'll see what happens when he starts preschool next week and hockey a few weeks after that.
So here is what we have been up to since I last posted (warning: this is not a comprehensive list):
baseball, gymnastics, hockey (for Andrew), 2-day trip to St. Louis, Children's Museum, 6 birthday parties in three weeks, sibling fighting, visited 3 water parks, Grandma and Grandpa came to visit, Ashley and Riley's 8th birthday, Ashley and Riley's birthday slumber party (8 little girls don't sleep much, but D and i survived!!!!), friends baptized, babies born, playdates, lots of random swimming at our house (usually including at least 2 or 3 neighborhood children), even more end-of-summer sibling fighting, several random sleep-overs, playing at the park (an attempt at squelching sibling fighting), visits to the library (trying to keep their brains alive until their return to school), Dr. visits, getting ready for school, first week back to school, lots of end-of-summer injuries, one nasty infected spider bite (Caleb), D and I went on a DATE (!!!!), summer colds, several family movie nights and finishing the basement (finally)! Whew! And somehow D and I still went to work and got some occasional sleep in the midst of all of that.
One thing I haven't done at all in the past few weeks:
post on our blog. And I haven't done much cleaning.
Stay tuned for pictures!
Saturday, August 21, 2010
An Important Milestone
The end of July marked a very important milestone for us and for Caleb. He has now been with his forever family longer than he was in the orphanage. I remember when he first came home, this milestone seemed so very far away. Although we still see some lingering orphanage behaviors and we are still working toward complete attachment, Caleb comfort level and ability to trust has grown leaps and bounds over the past 2 years. It is such a blessing that we still get to see a wall come tumbling down every few weeks or so. Just the other day, for example, I saw Caleb come running up to his Daddy out-of-the-blue to give him a huge unsolicited hug and kiss. This is the first time he has ever done this. Giving affection to his Daddy is one of the walls we have longed to see come down. It was thrilling that I got to be there to witness it. How awesome to see D's face light up and Caleb's huge grin! He knew he had just given his Daddy a VERY big gift. Since then, as if to make up for lost time, Caleb regularly re-enacts the moment and has been showering his Daddy with the love that has been withheld for so long. We know God is working in Caleb's heart and now we are getting to see the fruit of His love. Thank you, God for allowing us to be part of this unfolding miracle... we know you are not done yet!
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