I just HAD to post this... it is so cute! C loves to sing and his first favorite once he was home became "Tomorrow" from Annie (don't ask me why, but he is absolutely obsessed with it!). Anyway, his new favorite is "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" and the way he sings it is so funny! Here he is giving his rendition of the song on our Karaoke machine. See if you can recognize any of it... :0) Be sure to mute the music below.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Emotions of Motherhood
I'm finding that being a mother to a post institutionalized child can be quite confusing emotionally. Motherhood, in general, can cause one to feel as though she is losing her mind from time to time (or if you're like me, I actually DO lose my mind every few minutes every day :0) ). Just to clarify, I LOVE being a mommy- there isn't a job in the world that is even half as amazing. The reality is, though, mothers are imperfect and feeling human beings raising imperfect and feeling human beings. This fact is bound to cause some frustration and uncertainly on a regular basis. This stew of emotions is compounded when a mother is raising a child whose emotional needs have not been met for the first few years of his life. The result of all of this? Some VERY confusing emotions and, oftentimes, emotions that are certainly outside the realm of what would be considered "normal".
Take today for example...
I'm sitting here just thrilled that my youngest was crying hysterically and clinging to me for dear life as I attempted to drop him off at "school" (A.K.A. daycare) this morning (this is his second time- he goes every Friday). On top of that elation is a cloud of guilt... I feel terrible that I am thrilled about the fact that my baby is distraught. Confusing, huh? With my other three kids, I always felt simply awful when they struggled with separation. But with C, it's different. This is the first time he has ever displayed such strong emotions when faced with being separated from me. And it's not that he doesn't like his school, he LOVES it. Last week he did perfectly and talked quite a bit about how much fun he had. Today, on the drive over, he was really excited that he would get to play outside on the playground today (last week it was pouring and they didn't get to play outside :0( ).
So today marks a new chapter in our life as mommy and son... and that is a very emotional thing for me.
Take today for example...
I'm sitting here just thrilled that my youngest was crying hysterically and clinging to me for dear life as I attempted to drop him off at "school" (A.K.A. daycare) this morning (this is his second time- he goes every Friday). On top of that elation is a cloud of guilt... I feel terrible that I am thrilled about the fact that my baby is distraught. Confusing, huh? With my other three kids, I always felt simply awful when they struggled with separation. But with C, it's different. This is the first time he has ever displayed such strong emotions when faced with being separated from me. And it's not that he doesn't like his school, he LOVES it. Last week he did perfectly and talked quite a bit about how much fun he had. Today, on the drive over, he was really excited that he would get to play outside on the playground today (last week it was pouring and they didn't get to play outside :0( ).
So today marks a new chapter in our life as mommy and son... and that is a very emotional thing for me.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Cool party trick
I took this video a few weeks ago. Check out one of C's many amazing talents. He will sit on the floor almost completely motionless for minutes at a time and "practice". The only part of him that moves during this time is his mouth (this in and of itself is amazing for any 2 year-old!). The three big kids think it is the funniest thing to try to imitate. They have never succeeded, but it's entertaining to watch them try!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
A Mother's Prayer of Thanksgiving
I am sitting here watching my son at play in the backyard, and I am nearly in tears... tears of joy and thanksgiving. I came in to make lunch and it is ready now, but everytime I call out the back slider to ask him if he is ready for lunch, he says "not yet, Mama". It is a beautiful fall day, and he is basking in the glory of it, unwilling to tear himself away- not even to satisfy a hungry tummy.
What a picture he makes... the sun is shining down on his little blond head and causing his hair to sparkle. I can see his adorable little lips curled up into a smile, as he swings slowly, allowing the tips of his bare little toes to be tickled by the tips of the blades of grass as he swings. I can see him looking down and giggling. He looks so small and precious out there all alone. Now he is singing, and I can see his little lips moving and his beautiful blue eyes squinting, as he searches the sky for an airplane. He is still swinging, ever so slowly. Back and forth. Back and forth.
For now I will let him be... lunch can wait. My son has discovered what it is like to be free. He spent the first 2 years of his life on a strict schedule. His time outside was limited and there were other children and grown-ups around him at all times. As far as we can tell, his little bare feet had never touched the sun-warmed grass before he came home to his forever family. I am so grateful that he is finally home and that he gets to experience the simple pleasures of childhood. I know these pleasures are NOT guaranteed, they are a gift.
Thank you, Lord for the gift of my son
and for the gift of joy you have given him today.
Thank you for the warm sun
and for the grass that tickles my son's feet.
Thank you for the freedom he now enjoys,
And for the freedom he will one day find in YOU.
What a picture he makes... the sun is shining down on his little blond head and causing his hair to sparkle. I can see his adorable little lips curled up into a smile, as he swings slowly, allowing the tips of his bare little toes to be tickled by the tips of the blades of grass as he swings. I can see him looking down and giggling. He looks so small and precious out there all alone. Now he is singing, and I can see his little lips moving and his beautiful blue eyes squinting, as he searches the sky for an airplane. He is still swinging, ever so slowly. Back and forth. Back and forth.
For now I will let him be... lunch can wait. My son has discovered what it is like to be free. He spent the first 2 years of his life on a strict schedule. His time outside was limited and there were other children and grown-ups around him at all times. As far as we can tell, his little bare feet had never touched the sun-warmed grass before he came home to his forever family. I am so grateful that he is finally home and that he gets to experience the simple pleasures of childhood. I know these pleasures are NOT guaranteed, they are a gift.
Thank you, Lord for the gift of my son
and for the gift of joy you have given him today.
Thank you for the warm sun
and for the grass that tickles my son's feet.
Thank you for the freedom he now enjoys,
And for the freedom he will one day find in YOU.
Friday, September 05, 2008
Breaking bad habits
We all have bad habits and behaviors we need to work on, so I am in no way picking on my youngest when I say he has some too... it's just that this blog is about adoption and the joys and challenges that come along with this amazing adventure, so C gets his very own post detailing his bad habits for the world to read. Poor guy! Most of you know C and know he is a sweet, happy, and engaging little guy. For those of you who don't know him personally, you'll just have to trust us!
Since the day we got to take C out of the orphanage, we have noticed he has some interesting habits. I have even mentioned some of them in the past. Most of these habits developed as a means of survival within the walls of the orphanage, and we actually find some of them sort of endearing (others, not so much). Let's face it, they make him who he is. Now that C is home, however, many of C's habits only serve to divide him from his family and friends... so they have to go.
Behavior #1: Defending personal space and possessions
The first month we were home, we worked on the most pressing behaviors that caused problems in our house. The first behavior we worked on was C's aggression toward his brother and sisters whenever he felt threatened. This popped up throughout the day and was most often brought on if the big kids got too close (trying to hug, kiss, help him with something, etc.) when C had a drink/food/toy/etc. in his hands. C would immediately hit/push/kick/bite whoever was unlucky enough to be in his space. Poor guy! Our three bug kids were so happy to finally have him home- they were ALL over him ALL day!
To remedy this behavior, we did several things. First, the big kids were warned about this behavior and were told when to expect it. We also told them to try to remember to tell C what they were wanting to do BEFORE doing it and to remember to firmly tell C there is no hitting/biting/pushing/kicking allowed.
On C's end,we quickly taught C empowering words like "don't touch", "let go", "my turn", etc. and coached him (and the sibling involved) on using these whenever we noticed one of these altercations in progress.
Even though we did all of this and C quickly learned all of the English needed, not only to understand what his siblings were saying to him, but to let them know how he was feeling, this didn't completely extinguish the behavior (it did reduce the frequency). When C is not feeling well or is tired, the behavior comes right back again. To help him with this, we have started holding him gently if we notice he is becoming agitated when a sibling is close. We tell him gently that it is O.K. and that the other child will not take anything from him. If he remains calm and allows the hug (or whatever it may be), we lavish the praise on him and say, "See? He/she just wants to love you!" He has even started saying, "See? Love you!" all on his own.
Something funny we have discovered: if our kids firmly command C in Russian to hug or kiss them while they are leaning in to hug or kiss him, he will smile and willingly comply, no matter what he has in his hands. Obviously we don't encourage commanding another family member to either give or receive love, as this is really a performance and does not come from the heart. Clearly, this is simply another orphanage behavior, and an interesting one at that. We have read that the kids in the orphanages are trained to hug and kiss on command, and this certainly appears to be true.
Behavior #2: Role of disciplinarian and comforter
This behavior was the most surprising to me, as it certainly sent the message loud and clear that C had never learned to accept a grown-up as the authority in a given situation. We know C was cared for by grown-ups, so we expected him to see the adult as the authority and comforter. We were dead wrong! Now we must conclude that most of the time, play was conducted as a free-for-all, and the kids in the orphanage dealt with their own disagreements most of the time.
Right from the beginning, C would rush to "punish" any sibling who hurt another. As soon as he saw a child crying, he would quickly search for the offender and rush toward that child to hit him/her, all the while yelling at said child and making an incredibly mean face. He would then (just as quickly) rush to the hurt child and put his arm around him/her and say "it's O.K., don't cry". Sometimes, he would even turn around again and scold the offender harshly, all-the-while keeping his arm around the hurt child. It was wild to watch- almost like Jekyll and Hyde.
This behavior was a real problem, not only because our kids rarely hurt one another on purpose (so he was "punishing" an innocent child- sometimes he even picked the wrong child to "punish"), but because we know full well that C could behave this way when playing with other children outside of our home.
To deal with this, C is quickly told to stay by Mommy or Daddy's side as soon as someone is heard wailing. He is told that Mommy and Daddy deal with these things and he will go to the corner if he gets involved. Poor guy, he has been sent to the corner a lot over this, as we can't always catch him to remind him before an incident occurs. He has improved dramatically over the past few weeks, and has even run to come get one of us if someone gets hurt by another. He is still encouraged to be a comforter, of course, but a secondary comforter. He still will rub a child's back or kiss him/her while letting Mommy or Daddy do the hugging and holding. Don't forget, I said some of the behaviors are endearing!
Behavior #3: Begging for food and/or taking food that belongs to others
To be quite honest, this behavior drives me nuts and our 3 older kids feel the same (esp. since they are usually the unwitting targets of this behavior)! Poor C must still believe he may not get enough to eat if he does not resort to his own tactics- even after 3 months of getting PLENTY to eat. Since C is one of the few orphans we have heard of who has LOST weight since coming home, we fear he was a food bully in the orphanage. He was actually quite chubby on Gotcha Day and has slimmed down considerably since then. Oh dear, to think: our child may have been responsible for the low weight of other children in his group. Well, at least he can't torment them anymore...
Even though C will now regularly leave food on his plate unfinished, he continues to beg for food and steal food from others. This still happens all day every day. Even if C has just finished a meal and has told me he is full, he will beg for food if he sees anything new. If the refrigerator is opened, he will rush to get there before it closes and beg/whine. Lucky for us, C cannot open the fridge on his own, but 5 other people in the house can! C has even been known to beg his pushover sisters into opening it for him, even though we have strictly forbidden them to do so.
Stealing food will most often occur if C finishes his snack and sees others still eating. He will also try to scavenge plates that are left on the dinner table. Two of my big kids, in particular, are very slow eaters. C will stalk them and wait for a chance to take their food. It's kind of funny to watch it all unfold... One of the slow eaters will be sitting on the couch watching TV with a snack in hand. C sees this and quietly climbs up onto the couch and sits next to the slow eater. Like a lion, he has decided who is weakest, and waits for just the right moment to pounce (ie: steal food). He used to just blatantly take it, but now he knows this could cause him a lot of trouble. The big kids used to happily welcome C to sit next to them on the couch, but now they ask us to come get him as soon as they notice him closing in.
We are still struggling with how to deal with this behavior, as punishing him for it does not seem fair or appropriate. Obviously, we consistently feed C, so this is step one in the battle. We also try to remind him that he already had his food and that he does not need any more (if this is indeed the case). If he does need more food, we remind him to come to Mommy or Daddy to ask for more. We are hoping time will help him to see that he will always have enough to eat.
Since the day we got to take C out of the orphanage, we have noticed he has some interesting habits. I have even mentioned some of them in the past. Most of these habits developed as a means of survival within the walls of the orphanage, and we actually find some of them sort of endearing (others, not so much). Let's face it, they make him who he is. Now that C is home, however, many of C's habits only serve to divide him from his family and friends... so they have to go.
Behavior #1: Defending personal space and possessions
The first month we were home, we worked on the most pressing behaviors that caused problems in our house. The first behavior we worked on was C's aggression toward his brother and sisters whenever he felt threatened. This popped up throughout the day and was most often brought on if the big kids got too close (trying to hug, kiss, help him with something, etc.) when C had a drink/food/toy/etc. in his hands. C would immediately hit/push/kick/bite whoever was unlucky enough to be in his space. Poor guy! Our three bug kids were so happy to finally have him home- they were ALL over him ALL day!
To remedy this behavior, we did several things. First, the big kids were warned about this behavior and were told when to expect it. We also told them to try to remember to tell C what they were wanting to do BEFORE doing it and to remember to firmly tell C there is no hitting/biting/pushing/kicking allowed.
On C's end,we quickly taught C empowering words like "don't touch", "let go", "my turn", etc. and coached him (and the sibling involved) on using these whenever we noticed one of these altercations in progress.
Even though we did all of this and C quickly learned all of the English needed, not only to understand what his siblings were saying to him, but to let them know how he was feeling, this didn't completely extinguish the behavior (it did reduce the frequency). When C is not feeling well or is tired, the behavior comes right back again. To help him with this, we have started holding him gently if we notice he is becoming agitated when a sibling is close. We tell him gently that it is O.K. and that the other child will not take anything from him. If he remains calm and allows the hug (or whatever it may be), we lavish the praise on him and say, "See? He/she just wants to love you!" He has even started saying, "See? Love you!" all on his own.
Something funny we have discovered: if our kids firmly command C in Russian to hug or kiss them while they are leaning in to hug or kiss him, he will smile and willingly comply, no matter what he has in his hands. Obviously we don't encourage commanding another family member to either give or receive love, as this is really a performance and does not come from the heart. Clearly, this is simply another orphanage behavior, and an interesting one at that. We have read that the kids in the orphanages are trained to hug and kiss on command, and this certainly appears to be true.
Behavior #2: Role of disciplinarian and comforter
This behavior was the most surprising to me, as it certainly sent the message loud and clear that C had never learned to accept a grown-up as the authority in a given situation. We know C was cared for by grown-ups, so we expected him to see the adult as the authority and comforter. We were dead wrong! Now we must conclude that most of the time, play was conducted as a free-for-all, and the kids in the orphanage dealt with their own disagreements most of the time.
Right from the beginning, C would rush to "punish" any sibling who hurt another. As soon as he saw a child crying, he would quickly search for the offender and rush toward that child to hit him/her, all the while yelling at said child and making an incredibly mean face. He would then (just as quickly) rush to the hurt child and put his arm around him/her and say "it's O.K., don't cry". Sometimes, he would even turn around again and scold the offender harshly, all-the-while keeping his arm around the hurt child. It was wild to watch- almost like Jekyll and Hyde.
This behavior was a real problem, not only because our kids rarely hurt one another on purpose (so he was "punishing" an innocent child- sometimes he even picked the wrong child to "punish"), but because we know full well that C could behave this way when playing with other children outside of our home.
To deal with this, C is quickly told to stay by Mommy or Daddy's side as soon as someone is heard wailing. He is told that Mommy and Daddy deal with these things and he will go to the corner if he gets involved. Poor guy, he has been sent to the corner a lot over this, as we can't always catch him to remind him before an incident occurs. He has improved dramatically over the past few weeks, and has even run to come get one of us if someone gets hurt by another. He is still encouraged to be a comforter, of course, but a secondary comforter. He still will rub a child's back or kiss him/her while letting Mommy or Daddy do the hugging and holding. Don't forget, I said some of the behaviors are endearing!
Behavior #3: Begging for food and/or taking food that belongs to others
To be quite honest, this behavior drives me nuts and our 3 older kids feel the same (esp. since they are usually the unwitting targets of this behavior)! Poor C must still believe he may not get enough to eat if he does not resort to his own tactics- even after 3 months of getting PLENTY to eat. Since C is one of the few orphans we have heard of who has LOST weight since coming home, we fear he was a food bully in the orphanage. He was actually quite chubby on Gotcha Day and has slimmed down considerably since then. Oh dear, to think: our child may have been responsible for the low weight of other children in his group. Well, at least he can't torment them anymore...
Even though C will now regularly leave food on his plate unfinished, he continues to beg for food and steal food from others. This still happens all day every day. Even if C has just finished a meal and has told me he is full, he will beg for food if he sees anything new. If the refrigerator is opened, he will rush to get there before it closes and beg/whine. Lucky for us, C cannot open the fridge on his own, but 5 other people in the house can! C has even been known to beg his pushover sisters into opening it for him, even though we have strictly forbidden them to do so.
Stealing food will most often occur if C finishes his snack and sees others still eating. He will also try to scavenge plates that are left on the dinner table. Two of my big kids, in particular, are very slow eaters. C will stalk them and wait for a chance to take their food. It's kind of funny to watch it all unfold... One of the slow eaters will be sitting on the couch watching TV with a snack in hand. C sees this and quietly climbs up onto the couch and sits next to the slow eater. Like a lion, he has decided who is weakest, and waits for just the right moment to pounce (ie: steal food). He used to just blatantly take it, but now he knows this could cause him a lot of trouble. The big kids used to happily welcome C to sit next to them on the couch, but now they ask us to come get him as soon as they notice him closing in.
We are still struggling with how to deal with this behavior, as punishing him for it does not seem fair or appropriate. Obviously, we consistently feed C, so this is step one in the battle. We also try to remind him that he already had his food and that he does not need any more (if this is indeed the case). If he does need more food, we remind him to come to Mommy or Daddy to ask for more. We are hoping time will help him to see that he will always have enough to eat.
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