Emotions of Motherhood

I'm finding that being a mother to a post institutionalized child can be quite confusing emotionally. Motherhood, in general, can cause one to feel as though she is losing her mind from time to time (or if you're like me, I actually DO lose my mind every few minutes every day :0) ). Just to clarify, I LOVE being a mommy- there isn't a job in the world that is even half as amazing. The reality is, though, mothers are imperfect and feeling human beings raising imperfect and feeling human beings. This fact is bound to cause some frustration and uncertainly on a regular basis. This stew of emotions is compounded when a mother is raising a child whose emotional needs have not been met for the first few years of his life. The result of all of this? Some VERY confusing emotions and, oftentimes, emotions that are certainly outside the realm of what would be considered "normal".
Take today for example...
I'm sitting here just thrilled that my youngest was crying hysterically and clinging to me for dear life as I attempted to drop him off at "school" (A.K.A. daycare) this morning (this is his second time- he goes every Friday). On top of that elation is a cloud of guilt... I feel terrible that I am thrilled about the fact that my baby is distraught. Confusing, huh? With my other three kids, I always felt simply awful when they struggled with separation. But with C, it's different. This is the first time he has ever displayed such strong emotions when faced with being separated from me. And it's not that he doesn't like his school, he LOVES it. Last week he did perfectly and talked quite a bit about how much fun he had. Today, on the drive over, he was really excited that he would get to play outside on the playground today (last week it was pouring and they didn't get to play outside :0( ).
So today marks a new chapter in our life as mommy and son... and that is a very emotional thing for me.