A Gift Like None Other

I have not written much about my son's birthmother before, but I think about her just about everyday. My heart often aches for her. I often wonder what she is doing now. Is she missing him? I cannot even begin to imagine having to give up my child.

When we were in the region in Russia where our son was born, my mind was very focused on her. I was very aware that, at any given moment, she could be standing right next to us and we would never even know it. When we had C with us, I would wonder if she would know him if she saw him. I'm fairly certain she would have. There were- and still are- so many thoughts and questions I have about her... questions that will never be answered... questions C will likely have one day. I have wrestled with, and come to accept, the lack of knowing. This is, after all, how God has planned for it to be. Someday C will have to wrestle with and accept the same questions without answers. I pray for C daily. That he will be able to understand that his birth mother gave him an incredible gift- she gave him the gift of life. This is one thing we do know. It is a fact that cannot be disputed. Today, as I was holding C close, that truth became so real to me. I could feel his soft cheek, rubbing against mine, and I could hear his rhythmic breathing as he relaxed in my arms. I can't imagine C NOT being our son. I can't imagine him NOT being here. She could have chosen a different outcome. I don't think I fully realized the gravity of that fact until today.

Thank you, Lord, for opening my eyes to the truth.
Thank you, Lord, for the young woman on the other side of the world,
who gave birth to our son.
Please hold her close and open her heart to the warmth of your love.

Thank you, C's birthmother, for choosing life for our son.
It is a gift like none other...