Tonight at bedtime, Caleb asked to read the same book I described in the last post. He now calls it the "Russia Book". I looked for it, but couldn't find it, so I suggested we read one of his other favorite books. He then started crawling on the floor looking for it (he must have been looking at it earlier today and forgot to put it away), saying "No, Mama, we read RUSSIA BOOK!!!!!". He seemed very upset that he couldn't find it, so I joined the search. We finally found the book under his blankie on the floor. C was so happy we had found it, and snuggled close to me in the rocking chair and looked up at me in great anticipation. His little face was just beaming- he looked so precious! I told the entire story of meeting him, then of separation (his little face pouted during this part), and then of getting to go back to Russia to finally bring him home. He got so excited toward the end of the story and exclaimed, "I say, bye-bye Russia... I love you! Then I fly in a plane in the sky and go home." He then said in a very happy little voice, "I home, Mama!".
Yes, son, you are home. Right where you belong.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Always
During our last visit with the attachment/behavioral therapist, she encouraged me to tell Caleb that I will ALWAYS be his Mommy and that I will ALWAYS love him every night during our rocking time. It's not that I don't tell him I love him- I probably tell him at least 25 times every day... and he loves it (in Russian and in English). It was the ALWAYS part she was wanting me to stress. To be completely honest, I have never said that to him in English before. I have said it to him in Russian many times in the past, but I never knew if he really understood what I was saying. Truthfully, I figured he didn't. ALWAYS is a really abstract concept for a 2 year-old, in my opinion, but I decided to give the therapist's suggestion a try...
The first time I ever attempted this was a few weeks ago. I pretty much expected Caleb's reaction to be something like "I love you too, Mama", which is what he always says (with an adorable sideways smile) when I tell him I love him. That's not at all what he said, though.
Instead of the anticipated reaction/response, Caleb quickly and angrily replied (complete with a scowl), "NO, Mama!", to my pledge of unending love for him. I was so taken aback, I repeated my pledge again. But I got the exact response I had gotten the first time.
Hmmm... Not the perfect love-filled moment I was going for.
Talk about a stab through the heart. Great suggestion, I thought. Maybe I should not do what the therapist tells me to do... EVER AGAIN.
Something prompted me to keep going, though. I had a creeping suspicion that C DID understand what I was saying to him (at least to some degree)and it scared him. He has a pattern of pushing me away whenever he feels I am getting too close. And whenever he pushes me away, I must lovingly push back until he lets me in. It was time to break down yet another wall. Clearly the therapist DID know what she was talking about.
Sure enough, I got the same angry reaction night after night. Caleb's language abilities are well above average and I tried every avenue I could think of to expand on the meaning of always. This only seemed to anger him more and he insisted he did NOT want me to say such things. He even cried a few times and squinted he eyes so he didn't have to look at me. Did I mention I very much dislike breaking down walls?
And then tonight happened. The wall came tumbling down. We started our rocking session the same way we always start it- blankie and binkie just right and a good book. Tonight, Caleb picked the book we sent to him in Russia while we were waiting to go back to bring him home. The book has pictures from our first visit with C in the orphanage, along with captions in Russian. We read the book together and talked about the first time we ever met and how happy we were. We also talked about how sad we were to have to leave him behind. And then we talked about how happy we were again to get to come back to bring him home. C's eyes just lit up when I explained the last part of the story to him. I told him I will ALWAYS be his Mommy and that I will ALWAYS love him. What came next blew me away...
He smiled a HUGE, slow smile and looked me right in the eyes and said, "I love you, Mama". Then he wrapped his little arms around my neck and squeezed with all his might. Talk about a heart bursting with joy! Oh my... I am willing to bet he understood exactly what I was saying.
Praise God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The first time I ever attempted this was a few weeks ago. I pretty much expected Caleb's reaction to be something like "I love you too, Mama", which is what he always says (with an adorable sideways smile) when I tell him I love him. That's not at all what he said, though.
Instead of the anticipated reaction/response, Caleb quickly and angrily replied (complete with a scowl), "NO, Mama!", to my pledge of unending love for him. I was so taken aback, I repeated my pledge again. But I got the exact response I had gotten the first time.
Hmmm... Not the perfect love-filled moment I was going for.
Talk about a stab through the heart. Great suggestion, I thought. Maybe I should not do what the therapist tells me to do... EVER AGAIN.
Something prompted me to keep going, though. I had a creeping suspicion that C DID understand what I was saying to him (at least to some degree)and it scared him. He has a pattern of pushing me away whenever he feels I am getting too close. And whenever he pushes me away, I must lovingly push back until he lets me in. It was time to break down yet another wall. Clearly the therapist DID know what she was talking about.
Sure enough, I got the same angry reaction night after night. Caleb's language abilities are well above average and I tried every avenue I could think of to expand on the meaning of always. This only seemed to anger him more and he insisted he did NOT want me to say such things. He even cried a few times and squinted he eyes so he didn't have to look at me. Did I mention I very much dislike breaking down walls?
And then tonight happened. The wall came tumbling down. We started our rocking session the same way we always start it- blankie and binkie just right and a good book. Tonight, Caleb picked the book we sent to him in Russia while we were waiting to go back to bring him home. The book has pictures from our first visit with C in the orphanage, along with captions in Russian. We read the book together and talked about the first time we ever met and how happy we were. We also talked about how sad we were to have to leave him behind. And then we talked about how happy we were again to get to come back to bring him home. C's eyes just lit up when I explained the last part of the story to him. I told him I will ALWAYS be his Mommy and that I will ALWAYS love him. What came next blew me away...
He smiled a HUGE, slow smile and looked me right in the eyes and said, "I love you, Mama". Then he wrapped his little arms around my neck and squeezed with all his might. Talk about a heart bursting with joy! Oh my... I am willing to bet he understood exactly what I was saying.
Praise God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, March 16, 2009
More Disney Pics- Just For Fun!
Some of these awesome pics were taken by my girlfriend Robin. She caught some great moments- thanks Robin! Can't wait to go back!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Catching Up
Wow! Once again, it has been FOREVER since I last posted. The main reason for this is our computer is acting up and I can't stay online for more than a few minutes at a time. In addition, the past month has been a full one...
For starters, Caleb had an upper GI endoscopy to confirm our suspicions of H Pylori and to look for any other problems. C did so well- it was amazing. He is a tough little guy! I have never seen anyone hop right up immediately after waking up from anesthesia! That's my boy! Poor guy, though... as soon as I saw the pictures of the inside of his tummy, I felt awful we didn't uncover it sooner. His symptoms had been so vague and it took a lot for me to convince the Drs. and myself that something really wasn't right. Now that that drama is over with, C is being treated and is already showing signs of improvement :0)
On to the next thing... I finally had surgery to have my gallbladder removed- hooray! It is history!!!!! I have been waiting for quite a while to have this done, but bringing Caleb home had to come first. Once we finally had him home, I didn't want to have it done until I felt he was securely attached, as recovery from even a minor surgery would have meant I couldn't pick him up / hold him for at lest a week . I was very nervous before the surgery that this limitation would really set C back a lot in terms of his attachment because I usually pick him up and hold him a LOT in order to promote attachment. Jan. and Feb. had already proven to be difficult as it was... Turns out, though, C was VERY compassionate during the week following surgery and never acted out like I had feared. I can only guess that his own struggles with stomach problems and his endoscopy experience just prior to my own surgery helped him to really understand what was going on. He is such a sweet little boy and has such a big heart! So, in the end, the surgery just proved to me how attached he really is. Praise God!
So many other things have happened over the past month, but the most notable to me was our first visit with the behavioral / attachment therapist. She was wonderful! I really don't feel like C has any major issues attachment-wise, but there are still lots of little behaviors and things D and I felt we needed a little help understanding. We were also looking for some strategies for helping us deal with C's tantrums / disconnecting and with his extreme fears. Our visit was very successful in getting us on the right track and we can't wait to go to our next session! Next time, C will be fully evaluated for attachment and behavioral issues. This will give us a better idea of what we need to focus on with C and what things may just work themselves out developmentally. I'm so grateful to have the chance to get counsel from someone who really understands attachment. The chance to learn from her and to receive guidance from her is a blessing to us.
For starters, Caleb had an upper GI endoscopy to confirm our suspicions of H Pylori and to look for any other problems. C did so well- it was amazing. He is a tough little guy! I have never seen anyone hop right up immediately after waking up from anesthesia! That's my boy! Poor guy, though... as soon as I saw the pictures of the inside of his tummy, I felt awful we didn't uncover it sooner. His symptoms had been so vague and it took a lot for me to convince the Drs. and myself that something really wasn't right. Now that that drama is over with, C is being treated and is already showing signs of improvement :0)
On to the next thing... I finally had surgery to have my gallbladder removed- hooray! It is history!!!!! I have been waiting for quite a while to have this done, but bringing Caleb home had to come first. Once we finally had him home, I didn't want to have it done until I felt he was securely attached, as recovery from even a minor surgery would have meant I couldn't pick him up / hold him for at lest a week . I was very nervous before the surgery that this limitation would really set C back a lot in terms of his attachment because I usually pick him up and hold him a LOT in order to promote attachment. Jan. and Feb. had already proven to be difficult as it was... Turns out, though, C was VERY compassionate during the week following surgery and never acted out like I had feared. I can only guess that his own struggles with stomach problems and his endoscopy experience just prior to my own surgery helped him to really understand what was going on. He is such a sweet little boy and has such a big heart! So, in the end, the surgery just proved to me how attached he really is. Praise God!
So many other things have happened over the past month, but the most notable to me was our first visit with the behavioral / attachment therapist. She was wonderful! I really don't feel like C has any major issues attachment-wise, but there are still lots of little behaviors and things D and I felt we needed a little help understanding. We were also looking for some strategies for helping us deal with C's tantrums / disconnecting and with his extreme fears. Our visit was very successful in getting us on the right track and we can't wait to go to our next session! Next time, C will be fully evaluated for attachment and behavioral issues. This will give us a better idea of what we need to focus on with C and what things may just work themselves out developmentally. I'm so grateful to have the chance to get counsel from someone who really understands attachment. The chance to learn from her and to receive guidance from her is a blessing to us.
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