Extraordinary Love

Before C came home last year, I used to worry about how our other 3 kids would receive him when he finally joined our family. I used to hear things like, "Mommy, you can never play with me because you are always doing adoption paperwork" and "I don't want C to come home because then I won't be your baby anymore". My kids weren't trying to be mean or hateful by saying those things to me, they were just being blatently honest in typical kid-fashion. I also heard countless amazingly loving comments before C came home too. Despite the fact that the positive commentary outweighed the negative commentary by a landslide, I could not stop worrying. I used to wonder, "How will it be once their brother is finally home?". I knew C would require huge amounts of attention for quite some time and I also knew it would be a struggle simply because C didn't speak English and wasn't used to living in a home with a family. I prayed daily that the hearts of my 3 oldest children would be open to loving their little brother. I know so many others prayed the same prayer regularly. I now know that made all the difference.

After we arrived home with C, I waited for the honeymoon period to be over and for the war to begin. Of course, the older 3 kids adored their baby brother at first- I expected that. After about 3 months, though, I thought, "Surely it will come soon". At that point, C was still requiring almost all of my attention and his behavior was pretty much sure to interrupt anything I ever tried to do with the older 3 kids. He also regularly broke their things, screamed at them, hit and bit them, stole their food and messed up their rooms. But it still didn't come. In fact, my other kids seemed to adore C more and more with each passing month.

At this point, I am no longer waiting for the jealousy to begin, because I know it is not coming. I simply sit back in awe of what I see and hear everyday. I'm not saying the older 3 treat C perfectly and that there is never any jealousy or that they are never mean to him... they are KIDS after all. I am saying, though, that they have a compassion for him like I have never seen in a sibling relationship before. If he is hurt, I have heard them say they feel it too. If he is sad, sometimes their world seems to halt until they can make him happy again. We have a seating schedule for the car so every kid gets to sit next to their beloved little brother. I have even seen one of my girls cry for his birthmother before.

The other day, Ashley got a treat for a job well done. It was her most favorite candy, and she was really looking forward to eating it. As soon as C saw it, he whined and said he wanted it. His sister handed it to him and said sweetly, "You can have it C". I have never seen her do such a thing for her other siblings before... share it, yes, but just give the entire thing over? Never.

Today, we opened our pool. The kids have been VERY anxiously awaiting the chance to swim in it. A few days ago, C had been repeatedly misbehaving, so we told him he would have to take a 15 minute time-out from swimming as soon as our pool opened. Even though we had reminded him of it several times since the punishment was decided, C still got caught up in the moment and forgot about the punishment. As one would expect, he began to wail as soon as we reminded him. After about 30 seconds, Andrew said, "Don't cry C, I'll sit in time out with you... then you won't be alone". Wow! I had to hide my tears after that offer!

Tonight, C hit his head REALLY hard on our armoire door and got a deep puncture wound (don't worry, Grandmas, the ER doctor just glued it together). While Daddy and C were at the ER, Riley said she couldn't go to sleep because she felt sick to her stomach and that her head was hurting "because Caleb hit his head and that must hurt so much". She fell asleep crying and insisted I wake her up as soon as I heard from her Daddy about how he was doing.

I am moved every day by the love Andrew, Ashley and Riley have for their little brother. Our attachment therapist once said, "Caleb has had a difficult transition, but God knew just what he needed to heal... so He gave him not just parents who love him deeply, but 3 siblings who love and cherish him beyond anyone's wildest expectations."

She was so right. I'm so glad God knows what He's doing :0)