Mommy's Lap is MINE!!!!!!

The past 2 weeks have been somewhat of a trial with C. Clearly we are in a testing phase right now and it is obvious C is starting to figure out that having a Mommy and Daddy is great most of the time, but it also means he faces restrictions and consequences he is not used to facing. During these times, he clearly thinks he can just say, "No Mommy and Daddy for me right now, thank you!". When this doesn't work, he becomes quite angry, to say the least, and really wants nothing to do with us. We know this type of behavior is normal for any 2 year-old, After all, there is a reason this year in a child's life is labeled " the terrible two's". The difference in this case is this: we are fairly confident our son could win a tantrum contest if one actually existed. And on top of that, we know he has the right (to some degree) to be throwing the tantrum.

Anyway, the point of all of this is actually positive. All of this bad behavior and tantrum-throwing has made me feel quite deflated. I have missed C wanting to be held. I actually felt like maybe we are regressing. Even worse, I have had moments of panic, fearing maybe C is not really attaching to us (even though I know logically that this is not true and that he IS attaching very well).

Well, yesterday, something wonderful happened. One of my girls was sitting on my lap and C was in the room playing. As soon as he noticed his sister was on my lap, he came right over and pushed her and said "MY lap!", and then proceeded to climb up and sit on my lap. He even waited (and cuddled with me) until she left the room to get down to play again. This behavior from any of my other kids would have frustrated me, as obviously jealously is not a trait we encourage in our kids, but I was thrilled when C did this. He clearly knows his place here now and feels confident that I belong to him.

He WANTS to be the baby- MY baby.

Freedom On The Other Side

A quick update...

The visit with the social worker went so well! Even though we all lacked sleep and weren't feeling our best, it turned out O.K. anyway (who would have guessed?). The house was even pretty clean- a true miracle (O.K., maybe it wasn't so clean, but the social worker didn't trip over anything, so that's good, right?!).

It was an awesome moment to have our social worker and C sitting in the same room together. Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a big moment for me. We are now officially on the home from Russia side of things now. I don't have to dread the paperwork now... C is HERE!!!

I am no longer afraid of the phone ringing (or not ringing).

I no longer have to fear the weekends and holidays (because they are not business days and they only served to slow the adoption process).

I no longer have to dread getting an E-mail that we need to turn in "just one more document" (including notary and apostille) A.S.A.P.

All of these realizations are so freeing (and a little delayed, I know :0).

I even got brave and put about half of our adoption paperwork in the shred pile downstairs. I haven't ACTUALLY shredded any of it it yet... but I will!

Oh my... being home with my son is the most wonderful gift! Things aren't perfect (and I am FAR from being the perfect Mommy), but we are HERE, and my bond with my son is growing deeper everyday.

Thank you, God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Teething Time

Most of the time I love teeth. But today I am NOT a fan... I don't have a single baby in my house (O.K., one might kinda qualify, but the others aren't even close), and yet I find myself with three teething children. Three! At the same time! Not good. One is cutting 2 two-year molars and 2 are cutting 4 six-year molars. Teething in my house means terrible behavior during the day, little sleep at night (which would explain the daytime behavior), thrashing while said child IS actually asleep, diaper rash for those in diapers, lack of appetite, gastrointestinal problems, etc. Teething is nasty for my poor children :0(

This has been our life for the past week now.

C cut his bottom 2-year molars in Russia- the first tip of the first one cut the day after we picked him up from the orphanage. He had a huge hematoma on his gum. Poor guy! Both finally finished cutting the day after we arrived home (they came in quickly, so that is the silver lining in this story). I have been holding my breath waiting for the other 2 molars to show themselves ever since we came home. I'm so glad C got a break during the first few weeks home, so he could adjust to being home!

I find it fascinating that so many of my girlfriends don't even seem to know when their kids are cutting teeth. How could that be???? That is not the case in my house. No, it is VERY evident and could not possibly escape anyone who comes into contact with my kids during teething time. Hmmm... C fits right in! (Sidenote: It's amazing how C fits in so many detailed ways- details that no human being would or could ever know. God is amazing, isn't He?)

Anyway, we had a bad teething night last night. And, of course, my husband was not home (funny how it almost always seems to happen that way). I even gave C some Motrin before bed b/c he was really struggling yesterday. Even so, he cried a bit at 11:00 P.M. Then a different child (not related to teething) had a bad dream at midnight. Then C was wide awake and really crying hard at 2:30 A.M. Amazingly, this did not awaken any of the other kids. I had him settled down (Tylenol and ice water) around 3:30. Asleep at 3:45. I was just falling asleep at 4:00 when Ash climbed into my bed and announced that she could not sleep. Her gums were aching. More Motrin (and an empty bottle- better get some more before tonight rolls around!!). C woke up crying again at 4:15. Came into bed with Ash and me. C clearly thought there was a party b/c Ash would not be quiet- can't blame him. C asleep at 5:30. Put C in his bed because Ash was still talking. Ash asleep at 6:15. Daddy home at 6:30. Daddy let Mommy sleep until 9:00 A.M. God bless Daddy! Daddy asleep 9:05 and Mommy starts her day getting the house and children clean for the social worker's first post placement visit today.

That's right, the social worker is coming today. Funny, huh?

Some Pics We Love!

What is going on here??? This is C trying to figure out what a balloon launch is all about...

Just plain silliness!


He was supposed to be showing his muscles, but turned into a dinosaur!

Just plain sweet! C with his favorite Mishka (teddy bear).

C is full of joy!

Sprinkler time- C was in heaven!

C after his sisters got ahold of him... What do you think Daddy's reaction was?

A Struggle With Forgiveness

Tonight I struggle with something I have struggled with for weeks and I know this will not be the end of my struggle... I am praying for the ability to forgive.

A little background.

Today was a wonderful day. C had such a great day- he was happy, learned several new words, had tons of fun, and didn't throw a single fit (this is a VERY big deal). I was so thrilled. He even let me hold him a ton today and he really relaxed. There were several times when he even spent quite a bit of time gazing into my eyes and saying "Mama, Mama". He says this very softly, with his big blue eyes gazing up at me, and repeats it over and over again, as if he is trying to grasp the reality and the wonder of what it is to finally and truly have a Mama for REAL. While he is doing this, I am trying to keep from crying. The love that wells up inside of me for this little boy- MY SON- is amazing. I have felt this same feeling with my other three children. It is a fierce love, a protective love, a completely unconditional love. These moments give me a glimpse right into God's heart... how He loves US. And yet, He loves us even more than that. It is hard to even imagine.

On to the issue of bedtime.

I have mentioned before that C struggles with bedtime. It is incredibly difficult for him to relax. He struggles with any form of human touch. It is clear he is used to crying himself to sleep. Some formerly institutionalized kids rock, others hit their heads on the crib rails... our child screams. The very first night he spent with us, he screamed his little heart out as I held him tightly (I had to hold him- if I hadn't, he would have walked right out of that holtel, never to return. He had already successfully left twice. Yes, the door was locked and no, there was no chain).

And that is when my struggle with forgiveness began. It angered to me to my core that my son should have to be forced to be rocked to sleep by his Mama. And that the two years devoid of love caused him to detest it so. That is just so fundamentally wrong! The 2 years of learning about bonding and attachment did nothing to prepare me for the raw emotions I felt that night.

Since that first night, I have only revisited those feelings of unforgiveness in fleeting moments. God has protected me from them. But now it is time to go deeper and truly forgive.

Most nights recently have been pretty good, so I think I had convinced myself that I had been able to at least mostly forgive my son's past for causing him this present pain and difficulty. And for the future pain his past will cause him. As much as I desperately yearn to, I cannot erase the abandonment he has experienced. I know full well that only our Father in Heaven can do that.

On to tonight.

Tonight was awful. It took over an hour to rock my son to sleep. And during all that time, my other (precious and very patient) three waited for their Mommy to come and put them to bed. C screamed more than he ever has and wanted nothing to do with being held. As he screamed, the seething anger welled up inside of me. I was not angry at him, no... I was angry FOR him.

So now I am on bended knee, knowing that I must forgive completely. I know I cannot do this on my own. I cannot be angry, or this anger will be passed on to my son. I cannot be unforgiving, because not only will that cause bitterness in my heart, but over the years, it will cause bitterness in my son's heart as well.

Lord, I give this anger and bitterness to you.
I lay it all down at your feet.
Please help me to forgive fully and completely.
In your precious name,
Amen

Life as a Family of Six

Trip to the park

The past week has been full of new adventures for C! The past few days have also brought some great opportunities for sibling bonding. It's awesome to watch all four of our kids play and have fun together. We have been talking to the older three about their baby brother for two years now, so for them to actually get to get to know him and grow to love him in person is a real blessing! A, Ash, and Beans have been so faithful and have sacrificed so much- and now they get to see that it was all worth it... my heart nearly bursts every time they tell me how much they love him. Not that they don't fight and have their moments of jealousy, they do (of course), but it honestly has been so much less than I envisioned it could be. I have prayed for two years that God would grow a deep love for their baby brother inside of their hearts (and I know many of you have prayed the same prayer for just as long), and God is faithful! We feel like C has been part of our family all along... and, really he has. Even though C has not physically been with us since he was born, he has been in our hearts and minds from the time God was forming him in his birthmother's womb. I'm in awe every time I think about all of it. The way God orchestrated it all... it takes my breath away.


C REALLY loved the park!

C having a blast with Beans...

Mother Hen (Ash) leads the way!

C looked on as big brother showed him the proper rock wall climbing technique

Transformation

This picture was taken in the orphanage on trip #2

A look we saw often

Eyes already starting to sparkle... our last day in Moscow

A smile we see all day long now!
It 's hard to believe it has almost been a month since Gotcha Day. C continues to do amazingly well. The transformation he has undergone in just four short weeks is nothing short of miraculous. D and I are in awe. It has happened so quickly!

C really is a completely different child now. He has gone from a restless, distant, and unattached baby to a joyful, loving, and attached 2 year-old. Not that things are perfect... we don't want to set up false expectations for those who are in the process of adopting. We still do see flickers of anger and sorrow, and understandably so. To be sure, C still has moments where he seems to revert back to his orphanage self. To name some examples, he still occasionally refuses to be comforted (arches his back) and he will still occasionally hit the nearest body if he feels his food or a toy of his is threatened. But gone already are the days of refusing to sit in Mommy or Daddy's lap for any period of time, of eating food more quickly than we ever knew any human being could, of hiding in a far corner with food or a toy... the list could go on...

In Russia, we dreaded having to take C out, as an outing meant guaranteed fit-throwing (all-out, screaming-on-the-floor fits) and regular time-outs (which were no fun for any of us, as a time-out meant holding a screaming child who was fighting to get away with all his might until his will was broken and both parties were sweaty and exhausted, while perfect and disapproving strangers who don't even speak the same language or ascribe to the same culture looked on). I am thrilled to report that since we arrived home two weeks ago, C has never had a fit in public (of course now that have written this, it pretty much guarantees us a fit in public really soon- LOL!!!!!). Now, going out has become something we look forward to :0)

Praise God C's little spirit has been freed now! He is so full of life and just seems to love everything and everyone. Even the most mundane tasks are fun to do with C, as everything is a new adventure for him. It is such a thrill to see life through his eyes! We are blessed beyond measure to call him our son!

A Week of Firsts

I wanted to post before now, but I caught a nasty bug that wiped me out for three days... I was really out of it... I even forgot it was Father's Day when I woke up on Sunday. Not good. Sincere apologies to my husband, my father, and my-in-law :0(
By the grace of God, I recovered, our kids lived, our house survived, and I was forgiven. Praise God for all of those things! Oh- and praise God no one else in the house has gotten sick!!!!!

Sickness aside, the past week has been wonderful! I just love the way a 2 year-old lives life full tilt! There is nothing like having a front row seat to that joy! C has experienced so many firsts in the past week, it would be impossible to list them all. Some of his absolute favorites are catching lightning bugs with his brother and sisters, playing the piano, swinging, kissing his sisters, watching Mickey Mouse (Misha Maow) Clubhouse (this is fitting, since we are Disney freaks), going for walks in the stroller, scanning the sky for airplanes (air-pains), meeting the neighbors, patting the dog (yes, he finally decided yesterday that he and the dog are friends now), making pancakes (he says pan-kins) with mommy (and then eating them, of course!), and going to Wal Mart (hmmm... is something wrong with him?).

So much to do, so little time! Of course, we have to be careful not to allow too much fun in a given day, or overstimulation will cause bedtime to be difficult. C is still learning to let Mommy or Daddy soothe him, so if he is too overwrought, he will still fight cuddling a bit. We are in awe, though, that he has allowed most of his wall to come down so quickly. He is already a far cry from the little boy who did not not allow any human touch at bedtime just a few weeks ago. At that point, we had to force him to be held and loved (the experts advise this). This is heartbreaking to do, and would cause him to scream his poor little heart out... the deep-down-in-the-throat kind of scream that would rattle his entire body, just as a newborn who cannot be soothed would scream. He can fight much harder than a newborn (and he has a better set of lungs), though, so we would both end up drenched with sweat by the time sleep would come to rescue him.
This kind of screaming has not been heard in our house for a few days now, which is a huge relief not only to us, but to our girls, whose little hearts would just break every time they would hear it. We have noticed C's crying has become more 2 year-old like at bedtime now. We know it is normal for crying to occur at bedtime, so we don't expect this to subside. After all, we are putting a stop to all of the day's fun. We know any 2 year-old would be a little put-out by this fact :0)

Thanks to all of you who have prayed for our son and for his little heart- it is opening now to the love we have to give, and we are looking forward to filling it to overflowing! God is faithful!!!!!!!!

Lucky guy!!!!!

Say cheese!

We're Home!

We made it home late Wed. night after 24 hours of travel and only 5 hours of sleep for C during that time. He and A did amazingly well! Only a few fits- and a few of those were thrown by D and myself!

Words cannot adequately describe the flood of emotions D and I felt as we walked into the airport... Home sweet home... there is nothing better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God bless the U.S.A.!!!!And the 2 most beautifull sights of all were the faces of our precious girls! The tears of joy flowed. Thank you, Jesus, for watching over them while we were away!

Since we've been home, C is adjusting well and seems to bask in the love and attention of his new family. He is absolutely thrilled with his backyard, in particular. Yesterday he got to help daddy and the other kids fill up the pool- he had a blast! Playing with the hose just thrilled him.

This morning it was off to the Dr. for a check-up this morning and was so well behaved- the Dr. and the nurses just fell in love and were so thrilled to finally get to meet him in person (they had done quite a bit of paperwork for us during the adoption process). C also got his hair cut by daddy just now. He looks so cute! He was so proud of himself and kept saying mala dyets (good job) to himself for about 5 minutes afterward. All in all, C has had quite a day! We can't wait to see what tomorrow brings...

Before... After... Sooooo handsome!!!!!!!!!!!

Almost Time To Go HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We've been here in Moscow since last Wednesday and all is well. C is doing extremely well! He has really made amazing strides in the short time he has been with us. We don't have a stroller here, so we hold him quite a bit throughout the day (we go to the market, out to eat, sightseeing, etc.), and this really has seemed to help with attachment. He seems quite comfortable being held by one of us now, and even seeks to be held when he is tired, scared, hungry, or hurt. He is such a sweetheart- he loves to give and receive hugs and kisses regularly! It is amazing how quickly C is learning English. His favorite new words are car, bus, choo-choo (we rode the subway several times), dog, uh-oh, more, all gone, hi, bye-bye, and come on. C has also seen the serious side of having a mommy and daddy- THE CORNER! He has visited it quite regularly and is not too fond of it! Now when he is being naughty and he is asked if he needs to go to the corner, he replies quickly with a strong "NYET!". He is also learning that he can eat slowly and that no one will take his food if he sits down to eat (he used to inhale his food as quickly as possible and would often hide in a corner while eating). He has tried many new foods and has decided he LOVES corn-on-the-cob (on a stick at KFC) and ice cream, amongst many other things. He has attempted to drink our soda several times and makes the worst face you have ever seen while shuddering- it is quite funny! We have found ourselves offering it to him several times just to see his reaction- what cruel parents :0(

We've had a lot of fun here and have met a lot of wonderful people here! There are many adoptive families here at the hotel. Andrew even made a friend with a little 7 year-old girl being adopted by an American family here. They had a blast together jumping rope and wrestling! He was thrilled to be her first American friend and even more thrilled that she will live only a few hours away from us.

Despite all the fun, we are ready to come home. Only 2 more days! All of our paperwork should be finished up by tomorrow. We will post lots more pictures as soon as we get home- it is expensive to pay for internet service, so I am posting this on the lobby computer.

Please pray for us- especially for the plane ride home!!!!

Gotcha!

Well, yesterday was Gotcha Day! We picked C up at the orphanage at 3:00 PM, changed him into his clothes, said goodbye to the caregivers and the orphanage director, and drove back to the hotel. All in all, C did extremely well! He looked a bit nervous, but absolutely loved the car ride. Once we got back to the hotel, he took about an hour or so to explore the room and everything in it. Then we made dinner for him and he ate everything- including all of his carrots! He even asked for more! Now if we can just keep it that way...
Bedtime was difficult for C, but after about 20 minutes of screaming, he fell fast asleep and slept all night. He woke up this morning happy and ready to play. Andrew is loving having his little brother with us finally!
Please continue to pray that C's transition goes well- thanks for all of your prayers so far!!!!!!!

Enough talk, we know what you really want...

MORE UPDATES

At the orphanage

Last Friday,
we got to watch C with his group (they put on a puppet show for the kids), which was a treat. It was great to see how he interacts with the other kids and his caregivers. We were already in the room with C when his group came in and sat down . They all called to him to come sit down- it was so sweet! As soon as they did that, he ran right over and sat next to a little girl who was patting the seat, wanting C to sit next to her. During the puppet show, the caregivers would occasionally call for group participation, either asking a question, or wanting the kids to sing / clap along to a particular song, and C was completely into it- he just loved it! During all of this, he would look back every minute or so, to make sure we were still there. Oh, my heart felt like it would burst- half sad, because of what C will be losing, and half overwhelmingly joyful because of this mother-son bond that is forming between us.

This past weekend,
the orphanage was closed to visitors, so we had two whole days to explore the city. We started out feeling a little timid, but with lots of time on our hands and a desire to fill it, we decided to jump right in and explore. The weather was quite chilly, but that didn’t stop us! It actually snowed on our walk to the market- Andrew thought that was very funny, given the fact that it is almost June. We had been to the local market twice before, but this time we really took our time and found a lot more to buy (to eat) than we had the first few times! It’s funny to try to figure out exactly what the food item REALLY is- even though I can read the Russian words, I am not always so sure what the package/jar/box contains. Sometimes the picture helps, and sometimes not. All in all, we did pretty well!

We also found the children’s store, which is quite large and sells just about everything you can imagine. cost of the ones at home. D and I were amazed at the prices as well. Even a basic umbrolla stroller goes for about $50.00- we bought one at home for $12.00! Guess Mr. C will have to wait until we get home for a stroller ride (we didn’t bring ours to Russia b/c of weight restrictions on the plane).

Eating out has been an adventure here too! We have mostly stuck with what we know, like KFC, pizza places, and Subway (which are all a bit different than they are at home, but close enough), but we have also branched out and tried the unfamiliar. Our favorite so far has been the Irish Steakhouse. The name may lead you to think this would not be so unfamiliar, but the name is VERY misleading. It turns out the Irish Steakhouse is really a Russian disco/pub. It is fairly dark, there is techno music playing entire time, and none of the food is Irish at all- it is actually Russian. Ordering our food there certainly required stepping out of our comfort zone, but we ended up loving it there- yum! We even went back a second night. On the second night, Andrew and Jeremy got out on the dance floor and danced the robot- they even got a thumbs-up from the D.J. :0)
Yesterday,
we finally got to go see Mr. C again! We had a great visit! I was thrilled to see that the two days away didn’t phase him at all. He warmed up to us right away, and even offered kisses without being prompted. He said Andrew’s name for the first time today too, which really thrilled Andrew. D and I are anxiously ready to take C with us, although we really are trying hard not to wish this time away. We know it will come soon enough, and we really want C to have these last few days to warm up to us just a little more, before he has to leave the place that always been his home and the people who have always been his family.

The more we see, the harder it is for us. We know bringing him home will be a blessing to all of us, but that does not change the fact that there will be loss too- especially for C.

Just four more days…

Today,
We took a break from going to the orphanage today- the ride there and back is incredibly tiring and costly. On top of that, we all need a break from that room. Spending 2-3 hours in the same room every day with the exact same toys will wear on any kid, and both C and Andrew needed a break. We will resume our visits tomorrow.

The weather was much warmer today, so we decided to explore the riverfront down in front of our hotel. It was so nice to be outside! Here are some pictures...

Our Trip So Far In Pictures

Well, we are now in the "uptown" hotel- we have internet and have even had hot showers today! Not that taking a bath in a bucket was so bad- we actually thought it was kinda fun! Our visits with C are going great and we are anxious to keep him for good! We still can't post any pics of our newest addition just yet (tune in next Fri. for those- that's when we will pick him up), but here are some from our trip so far...

Court Successful

Well we both feel like we were cramming for college finals...going over all the notes we took with our facilitator and translator...anyway at 1:52PM Krasnoyarsk time the judge decreed that C was now one of us!!! Andrew was able to come into the courtroom to hear the decree read. When we were done we shook hands with the judge and she held her hand out to Andrew and he shook her hand like he was a grown man and not our little boy. As you can see by the picture Andrew was wearing his new suit which he calls his "business suit."

Here is a picture of us outside the courthouse after our hearing

More to come later....

Today we saw our son

After our long trip here and taking a bath out of a bucket for the first time in our lives we finally made it to the orphanage. As we walked in we saw C being walked down the hall. I told Lyn there he was and she began to cry. We then were taken into the visiting room and began our first visit with C in what seemed like an eternity. He was again very quick, but nervous to warm up to Lyn and within a few minutes him and our son, Andrew, were following one another around the play area. Andrew summed it up the best, "Baby brother is awesome!!"


COURT TOMORROW!!!!!

Well, we’re here in Siberia! Here’s a recap of the last three days…

Friday, May 16^th

Completed our medicals successfully! This adventure consisted of seeing 8 different specialists over a period of about 4 hours. We were required to bring some labs we had completed in the U.S. last month and then spent maybe 5 min. max with each Dr. (with quite a bit of waiting in between Drs.). Once all of the consultations were completed, we received a stamp of approval from each specialist. We were then given the documents with all the pretty stamps to present to the court in our region.

The traffic in Moscow back to the hotel was horrible! Once we got back, we walked to KFC for dinner and had some interesting things to eat- it is not quite the same as back home! No mashed potatoes- bummer!

Saturday, May 17^th

Caught up on sleep and walked to Red Square with the Parks (the other adoptive family here from our agency). It was really hard to grasp the reality that we were actually standing there! It was amazing! After seeing the sights and taking lots of pictures, we ate lunch at McDonald’s- yum! Our 7 year-old son, Andrew, was in heaven! The food at McDonald’s was pretty close to what we are used to.

At 5:45 P.M., we again set out in the crazy Moscow traffic- it was even MORE horrible! Wow, it really rivals any of the big city traffic I’ve seen in the U.S.! As my husband likes to say, it seems as though the traffic lanes are merely taken as suggestions here. This can make the experience quite scary!

We arrived at the airport and went through security without a hitch. Praise God! I was so very relieved- on our last trip we were stopped and questioned about our visas.

At 9:30, we took off, headed for Siberia. One step closer to our baby boy!

Sunday, May 18^th

We arrived here in our region early this morning. Our flight here was uneventful, and we are thankful for that. Just after arriving, we were met by our facilitator here and told that our hotel would not have any hot water all week. No big deal, really, right? Things became a little more concerning on our drive to the hotel, though- especially when we drove right past it! I was quite confused, but remained calm. I have learned to just try to relax here and just go along with whatever is happening.

After we crossed the bridge, leading us to the “south” side of town, we pulled up in front of a different (slightly dilapidated and somewhat seedy-looking) hotel. This is when we found out the hotel we were planning to stay in (and had stayed in on our last trip) is booked until Friday. Our facilitators looked nervous as we checked into the hotel, so I became slightly nervous too. Then we were told there is no internet here and there is no way to call the U.S. from here. That’s when the tears started to form… I had told my girls we would call them when we arrived here. After several minutes, one of our facilitators found out we could purchase some kind of phone card to connect us to Moscow. Once connected, the operator dials your home # for you and connects the call. I’d never heard of such a thing, but we bought the card and called. And it worked! We got to talk to our girls. That made everything right again!

After a long nap, we walked down to the Yennesy River for some air and exercise. The view from our hotel is beautiful, with the mountains framing the river. We can even see a ski resort up on the side of one of the mountains not too far away. It was a pretty day today, sunny and about 70 degrees or so. We could see a lot of people by the river from our window and we were excited to get outside and check it out! Once we got down to the river, though, we were amazed at the amount of broken glass and trash strewn all about-how sad. I had to keep a close eye on Andrew, to make sure he didn’t step on any glass. Not a very nice place for children to play, although there certainly were lots of them down by the river today. Hmmmm…..

On to brighter note… tomorrow we see our son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're HERE!

After 2 years, we are finally here in Russia to get our son! Praise God! It's really quite surreal.
We had a fairly uneventful trip and our oldest son is here with us. He did incredibly well on our trip over! After a 5-hour nap this afternoon, we were refreshed and ready to explore- we were thrilled to find a Sbarro for dinner!. Now it's off to bed- our medicals are tomorrow!

Fun day with our girls

We had a great day today with our girls!

Beans sitt'in pretty!

Ash climbs the rock wall!

2 days and counting...

Well, it's almost time to go! D and I spent Friday evening and all day yesterday at a wedding out of town. It was hard to leave the kids, but the wedding was for a close high school of D's and he was a groomsman, so we went. Even though I missed the kids, I'm so glad I did! The wedding was beautiful and we got to spend some time with another one of D's close friends from high school and his wife (Jason and Sharon- thanks for letting us stay with you guys!). We don't see D's childhood friends very much, so it was really nice to catch up. Thank you, Grandma F. for staying with the kids for us!

We got home late last night (actually it was today already), and I was awakened around 7 A.M. by 3 little cutie pies kissing and hugging me, and shrieking, "Happy Mother's Day!". I was still very tired, but so happy to see them! The first thing that crossed my mind was that I would only have 2 more mornings with them our girls before we leave. Oh, I am going to miss my girls! I just love cuddling with them every morning! What sweeties! I heard Beans praying later, she was asking God to please make the trip to Russia just 5 days. Later, she asked exactly how many days we will be gone. I didn't have the heart to tell her, so I told her tomorrow I will give her the countdown calendar so she can see how many, and so she can mark off each day while we are gone. Time is so hard for a 5 year-old to understand... it's even hard for me to understand sometimes.

Tomorrow, D and I get to go on a field trip with our girls and their class to the zoo. We are so grateful for the chance to spend an entire school day with them just 2 days before we leave. And then tomorrow night, we will have a family night BBQ. This will be our chance to see everyone and spend some quality time together before we go. We are giving the girls heart lockets to wear while we are gone, so they'll get those tomorrow night. I have also written them several letters that will be mailed to them every week while we are gone. I hope these things will help them to cope with our being away. Beans told me Friday (with tears pouring down her face) that she won't be my baby anymore when C comes home. Whoa... that broke my heart! She hasn't said that for awhile. We have had many talks about the same issue, but I guess she just needed reassurance again, so obviously I did just that (and I'm sure it won't be the last time).
I explained that she will always be my baby and that C can never take the spot in my heart that belongs to her- that it belongs to her forever. She smiled the hugest smile right when I said this and the tears immediately stopped. Oh she is so sweet! Ash is too, of course, but she is clearly much more confident in our love for her. And she seems to really get it that God is in control. Wow! I don't even get that a lot of the time!

Oh Lord, please hold my girls close while we are away. Fill them with your love so their hearts won't be hurting. Help them to know how very special they are and that you are in control.
Help them to understand that their baby brother needs his forever mommy and daddy and please continue to fill their little hearts with love for him.
In Jesus' Precious Name, Amen

Russia, Here We Come!

The past few days have been a whirlwind! We have been rushing around trying to get our visas, plane tickets, hotel reservations, and general itinerary ironed out. We're also trying to get the packing done and all of the other errands done that we will not be able to get done for the month we are in Russia. So many little things to think about. For example: I always pictured returning to Russia in March, so I never worried about the grass needing to be cut. But now it is May, and we need someone to cut the grass. Thankfully, we have already found someone willing- thanks, Don! All of this while still trying to leave our daily lives...
I am such a perfectionist that I have a VERY hard time making my mind slow down long enough to relax and revel in what is about to take place. I am trying so very hard just to be still and savor every moment I have with our girls before we leave. It is starting to hit me now how hard this is going to be... And yet we are all excited at the same time!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I think about it from God's perspective, there is nothing to worry about. He will hold our girls close while we are gone and He will make everything happen- it doesn't matter if I do everything perfectly or not. Praise God for that!
So for the next week, I will be coming back to read this post at least several times a day, so I can be reminded that our girls WILL be O.K. and that we WILL get everything done that NEEDS to be done. If you see me or talk to me, it wouldn't hurt to remind me to be still and relax. I would be grateful for the reminder!

Our Last Goodbye

Just a few weeks after my husband and I began our adoption journey in search of our son, we were able to tell my grandma the news in person. She was living in an assisted living home several states away at the time, and she hadn't really been quite herself for a few months, so we weren't sure whether or not she would even understand what we were telling her. When we first arrived, she didn't even remember who we were, and my heart sank... I wanted so badly for her to rejoice with us and for her to truly understand that she would be blessed with another great-grandchild! You see, when she was herself, my grandma would have literally jumped for joy at such news. And a great-grandchild from Russia! She would have found that absolutely thrilling! She would have asked me right then if she could go and tell all of her friends (and anyone else- even perfect strangers- she might meet along the way). That's how my grandma was, full of unconditional love and overflowing pride for her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. She never missed an opportunity to tell everyone about all of us- never in a boastful way, rather in the sweetest and most infectious giggly way. I wish I could have bottled that giggle! And the way her beautiful eyes lit up and sparkled like bright sunlight on crystal blue water...

But on the day I had the opportunity to tell her about our son, I thought I would not get the chance to hear that giggle, nor the chance to see that sparkle. But then, something amazing happened. I saw and sensed a glimmer of my grandma... Maybe it was something in her eyes, or something she said. I really don't remember. All I do remember is I decided to tell her. I smiled at my husband, and he nodded in agreement. He had sensed it too. So I leaned in close, and told my grandma that we were planning to adopt; that she would have a great-grandchild from Russia. She smiled and turned to look at me, and I saw it! That sparkle! What a beautiful sight that was. Then I saw a tear slide silently down her cheek.

What an incredible gift God gave me day. I knew as we drove away that that would be the last time I would ever get to talk to my grandma. I have seen her since, but that was the last time she was ever really herself. I also sensed that she would pass from this world just before it was time to bring our son home. My grandma passed away last Thursday. We got our court date today. Just enough time to say goodbye before beginning to prepare to go to Russia to bring our son home to his forever family. Thank you, Lord, for your perfect timing...

We will miss you dearly, Grandma. Our son will hear so many wonderful stories about you. And best of all, he will hear about how much he was loved and wanted by a great-grandma he never even knew.

Two Amazing People

On Christmas Eve, the day after my husband and I returned home from our first trip to Russia, my mom called to tell me that my uncle (on my Dad's side) and my aunt (on my mom's side) had both been diagnosed with aggressive forms of cancer. This was hard news to swallow, but we prayed for two miracles. We also knew God's will would be done. Just a week later, my Uncle Jim passed away. My Aunt Carole held on a little longer, but lost her battle last week.

I have always lived far away from both my Uncle Jim and my Aunt Carole, and I never got to see either one of them nearly as much as I would have liked. Regardless of this reality, I have always held a special place for each one of them in my heart. Even though they are now gone from this Earth, they have forever changed who I am and how I live my life.

My Uncle Jim was a big guy with a New York accent, a great sense of humor (he loved to laugh), and a heart of gold. He was the type of guy who was completely pure and true- he never pretended to be someone else. If you didn't like that, too bad! He, along with his wife (my dad's sister), raised 2 amazing sons- 2 of the sweetest and most respectful guys I have ever known... they are true gentlemen. This speaks volumes of who my uncle was.

One of my earliest memories of my Uncle is of the time he took all of us kids fishing. I think it might have been my first time. He taught me what I needed to know, and then let me have at it. I clearly remember standing on the pier, watching my bobber start to move. My uncle was helping one of the other kids. Suddenly, something was pulling HARD on my line. I quickly went from excited to terrified. The fish was pulling so hard, I thought I was going to gett pulled in with it! I screamed with all my might, and my uncle came running right over to save me. And save me he did! He helped me reel in a pretty big fish! After that, he praised me for not letting go. He kept telling me how tough and how brave I was. That was a big compliment from such a big, strong guy! I was thrilled. Later on, he told the story of how strong and brave I was to my mom and dad and anyone else who would listen. Uncle Jim became one of my heros that day...

If you had asked me during my growing up years what kind of man I wanted to marry someday, I would have told you a man like my Uncle Jim. And you know what? I did- minus the New York accent :0).

Some lessons I have learned from my Uncle Jim:

1) Take time for the little moments and truly be present in them.
2) Take time to encourage others.
3) Teach your sons to be gentlemen and to respect their mother.
4) Enjoy life!
5) Always be there for your family.
6) Be true to who you are- don't compromise.



My Aunt Carole was an AMAZING lady. I don't like to even try to put her into words, but that is all I have, so I'll try...

Aunt Carole blessed all she met with the most incredible unconditional love- she was friend to all. She gave 100% of herself 100% of the time. She truly wanted to know everything about every person she ever met- she was genuinely interested. And she was very direct- if she wanted to know something, she would ask you, and if she had an opinion, she would share it with you. She wasn't perfect and never pretended to be. And boy, was she funny! Her zeal for life could not be contained. She was THE BEST cook, and always made gourmet meals. My husband does not like to try new things, and is a fairly picky eater, but Aunt Carole's food was the exception. If she made it, he couldn't wait to eat it- even if he did not recognize any of it!

Aunt Carole had her priorities perfectly straight. Although she loved a neat and tidy house (did I mention how much she loved a tidy house?), she knew what was most important. She (along with my uncle- my mom's brother) raised 2 wonderful kids. She also had 2 incredible grandchildren. She loved kids- whatever delighted them delighted her. She often chastised me for worrying so much about the mess my kids would make in her house. She would say, "They're kids! Let them play!". And she didn't just say this, she lived this example. I am forever grateful to her, for this is one of the most important lessons of motherhood. I strive to be the kind of mother she was.

Lessons I learned from my Aunt Carole:

1) Truly love others- even strangers.
2) Speak the truth in love.
3) Don't miss out on the important things in life by getting caught up in the small details.
4) Be yourself- you don't have to be perfect!
5) Have fun!
6) Don't be afraid to laugh at yourself.
7) Be devoted to your family (and feed them well).

Both my Uncle Jim and my Aunt Carole were truly exceptional people and I have learned so many important life lessons from each of them. They richly blessed my life (and the lives of so many others)... Although I am deeply saddened because our son will never know Uncle Jim and Aunt Carole in the literal sense, I will always strive to instill in him the lessons I have learned from them. In this way, my son (and all of our children) will carry a little part of my Uncle Jim and a little part of my Aunt Carole with him always.

With Surrender Comes Peace

Well, tomorrow is my little boy's second birthday, and some of you have asked how I'm doing, knowing that we will not be with him on that day (thank you so much for caring enough to ask!). My answer to this question is, of course, complex. The first part to the answer: I wish he could be right here, right now... but he can't. The second part to the answer, and the part that amazes me: I'm O.K. with that. To expound on that even further, I actually feel a sense of excited anticipation.

This feeling surprises me... I used to say I would surely fall apart if we didn't make it to Russia by April 15th. Since our son's birthday falls really close to the four-month mark we had been told to expect, I used this date as kind of a "worst case scenario" deadline for myself.

WARNING: (this is directed to all prospective adoptive parents who following behind us on the adoption path) DO NOT DO THIS TO YOURSELF!!!!!!!

I know my positive outlook on this otherwise grim reality is a gift- and it can be directly attributed to the people who have covered us in prayer and love through our adoption journey.
All of the support we have received from others (especially my best girlfriend, Robin, who has been soooo incredibly supportive- thanks girlfriend :0) ) throughout this time has been incredible. It's so comforting and uplifting to have so many people so deeply entrenched in this journey with us. God has moved so many hearts to pray for us and for our son, and this has made all the difference to us. Those prayers and love have enabled me to surrender to the fact that God is completely in control of EVERY detail of this entire adoption journey. The wrestling with God over the timing and specifics is over... praise God!!!... and it has been replaced with an incredible peace.

"I have told you these things,
so that in me you may have peace.
In this world you will have trouble.
But take heart!
I have overcome the world."
John 16:33

Raining Eggs

I finally did it! Here's the video from our Easter egg hunt at church. Pretty cool, huh? The kids were thrilled!

Please Pray

This was the announcement from our agency yesterday...

As we have noted on our blog, another child adopted from Russia to the United States was recently killed by his parents. Russia takes the death of one of their children very seriously, and as this now makes 14 children in total who have been killed in the United States, we have been concerned as to what ramifications this latest case may have on the process. In the past, we have seen increased document requirements, greater scrutiny on parents, a further restriction on mental health diagnoses and treatment in prospective adoptive parents, and requests for documents from US governmental authorities as a result of children’s deaths.
We have now received word that one of the regions we have recently begun working with again has decided to halt adoption activities for one month, citing this incident as the cause. I would ask that families pray for the Russian authorities, that they would have wisdom during this time.
I would also ask for prayer for the people involved in this tragedy, particularly the other children who were in the family.

The region in Russia first to respond to this tragedy is not ours, but a similar response could come from our region at any time. Of course, we pray that it does not.

Please pray!

Pray for the family involved in this tragedy.
Pray specifically for the mother (who has been charged) in this case. That she seek repentance if she did commit this crime, and that the truth will set her free if she did not.
Pray for the families affected by this tragedy. There are thousands of orphans in Russia waiting to come home to their forever families at this very moment.
Pray for wisdom for the Russian authorities. They want to protect their chilfren, and we want this as well.
Please pray that tragedies like this one are averted in the future.

Although our faith that our son will come home remains unshaken, our hearts are hurting right now. We mourn every time a child loses his life at the hands of a parent.

One child is too many.

Please Explain

Several people have asked me in the past few days to explain a little more about the adoption process from here on out, with the main question being, "Why don't you have a court date?". The reason I haven't posted on this subject is twofold:
one- because there are so many factors, and two- I don't know all of the factors.

Here is what I know...

We are waiting for a court date to be assigned. These are generally assigned in the order by which the families traveled for trip one. Remember, there are several other agencies working in our region, which means there are other families in "line" in addition to the families from our agency. We are next (along with another family) within our agency. The court will take 2 families from our agency per court day. Adoptions are only processed on Tuesdays, so there is one possible court day per week.

In order for a court date to be assigned to us, all of our documents (dossier) must first be reviewed again by our facilitator. He needs to ensure that they are all in his possession (he has his own copies and our regional facilitator has her own copies as well- hers are the ones that will physically be turned in to the judge), that they are all done correctly, that they are all current / not expired, etc. It is our understanding that this process is complete or nearly complete.

Next, our physical dossier will be brought to the courthouse by our regional facilitator and presented to the judge. The judge then reviews the dossier (checking for the same things listed above) and assigns a court date. This could happen in one day, or it could take several weeks for a date to be assigned, depending on the judge's satisfaction with the dossier. He may ask for additional support documents and/or for documents to be re-done before a court day is assigned or even after a court date is assigned. Basically, additional documents can be requested at any time- even during the time we are physically in court (eeek! hope that doesn't happen!).

After a court date is assigned, this information must be relayed to/confirmed by the adoption agency's staff here is the U.S. During this time, our entire itinerary is planned out and every day we will spend in Russia is accounted for. We will be informed of our court date once our court date is confirmed and the general itinerery is mapped out.
Here's a rundown of the general itinerary (approx 27-30 days)...

1) Medicals
Spend several days in Moscow, during which time the medicals will be completed. We are required to have several labs done here in the U.S. and bring the results to Russia with us. We will see 8 specialists (oncologist, neurologist, etc.) and they will sign off on some paperwork for us to bring to the region with us.
2) Pre-court visit
Travel to the region and have at least one pre-court visit with our son. This is required by the court. I am fully in favor of this one and look forward to fulfilling the wishes of the court!
3) Prepare for court
We will spend several hours with one of our facilitators prepping for court the day prior to our actual court date.
4) COURT!
This will take about 2 hours, during which time we will be questioned about all things pertaining to our life, who we are, and what kind of parents we will be to our son.
5) 10-day waiting period
Our region (along with most regions in Russia) requires a 10-day waiting period post-court before we can be forever united with our son. We are told the purpose of this is to allow parents and children to build a stronger bond before the child is taken from the only home and caregivers he or she has ever known. During this time, our son stays in the orphanage and we are allowed to visit as often as the orphanage allows (this seems to be just about every weekday in our region).
6) Gotcha Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This will be the day we get to take our son with us :0) It will be amazing to actually get to walk out of the orphanage with him in our arms!
7) Paperwork
We will spend a few days in the region after gotcha day getting our some of the identification paperwork our son will need- new birth certificate, etc.
8) Return to Moscow
We will spend our last few days in Russia getting more paperwork (U.S. Embassy, etc.)
9) Fly home!
Our son will meet the rest of his forever family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, that's it! After we return home, we will be required to complete several post-placement reports over a span of 3 years. A post-placement report is simply a report that is written by our social worker, detailing our son's well-being and progress in his new family/home.

Please pray for a court date to come soon, so we can become a forever family as soon as possible!

Words to live by- out of the mouth of a 5 year-old

Each of my 5 year-old girls got a beautiful cross necklace as a gift from their grandma and grandpa several months ago. The necklaces are highly treasured by the girls and are worn quite regularly. The other day, one of my girls came up to me out of the blue and said, "Mom, whenever I am sad, I just look at this (holding the cross up) and it makes me happy". I asked her to repeat what she had just said to her dad, so she did. She then flashed us a beautiful, carefree smile and skipped away. How simple, I thought... that's all there is to it. Thanks for the reminder, God!


"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you"

1 Peter 5:7


"I am leaving you with a gift- peace of mind and heart.
And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give.
So don't be troubled or afraid." John 14:27


"Always be full of Joy in the Lord. I say it again- rejoice!"

Phillipeans 4:4

Happy Easter

Happy Easter! He is risen!
Happy Easter to you all! We were greeted this morning with snow! The flakes were huge and it was beautiful!

We just got back from Easter service at church, which was followed by an Easter egg hunt. The kids had a blast.

The coolest thing...the eggs were dropped by a helicopter!

Great idea, Pastor Dale!

Now the kids are gorging themselves with candy and Easter eggs, of course :0)

An Orphan's Prayer

I was cleaning out my mailbox for my Russian adoption chat group today. I always meant to post this, but I never did. It moves me deeply every time I read it.


An Orphan's Prayer

I am waiting...somewhere far...far... away on the other side of the world.
I may not know who you are or what you look like,
But somehow deep in my heart I know you are out there.
That one day you will come and find me.
It's a long journey, and it takes a lot of time...
I wish it could be easier.
But I know that the ones who come for me will not count the cost.
They will only see the joy of finding me.
For now I abide in the fields of the fatherless.
Day by day wondering why I was born here and not somewhere else?
Asking... why my life couldn't have been different?
It is so lonely...
Even though I am surrounded by hundreds of other children,
I know that something is missing... I know in my heart that I need
a place to call home.
My arms long to be wrapped in a father's embrace...
I long to be saved by a mother's love...
Gazing out of the orphanage window, I offer a prayer of hope,
"Oh God please help them come quickly."
Even as I lay in the darkness each night somehow I feel assured,
That no matter how lost I appear I am not alone.
Holy hands guard my steps, sacred fingers wipe my tears, touching
my lonely heart.
The one who made me,
The God that knew me before I was born,
Hears me every time I call.
He whispers His promises in my ear.
I listen with hope to His voice.
But what I worry about most is that no one wants to look for me.
The fields are vast and there are so many scattered all over the
earth.
I wonder how one little child, so lost, can be found?
Yet He calms my heart and assures me that He will find you.
That He will make sure you hear His voice clearly.
He has promised me that He will make a way through the fields,
That He will personally cut a path, and lead you right to my
orphanage door.
My prayer is...
When He speaks... Please don't forget to listen...
When He calls don't be too afraid to go
For I am waiting...somewhere , far...far... away
On the other side of the world
To come Home.

Author Unknown



I am certain that even though our son is barely two years old, he knows he is missing something. He may not know exactly what, but I'm sure he feels it.
Here is what I want my son to know about the time we have spent searching for him and waiting for him to come home.

Oh my dear son,
We are waiting too.
We want to have you here so badly!
But you are not alone.
I only hope that someday, you can truly know
That you were NEVER alone.
That God planned out all of your days before even one of them came to be.
He was and is always with you.
Did you know that you have always had a Mama and a Papa?
God always meant for you to be ours,
Just not right away.
Why?
We cannot fully understand.
Someday we will know all of His reasons.
For now, we will have to trust Him, and know that He declared,
"For you know the plans I have for you,
Plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
Plans to give you hope and a future." (Jer 29:11)
He loves you more than you will ever be able to fully know.
Even more than your Mama and Papa.
And we love you sooooooo much!
He has already proven His love for you time and time again in the short time you have been on this earth.
And He will continue to do so for the rest of your life.
You know what is incredible?
He told us about you.
He did!
Even before you were born.
He found us and helped us to find you.
It did take time, so much time.
At least that is how it seemed to us.
But God's timing is perfect.
Did you know that?
His plan is perfect,
And He made the path clear.
He led us straight to you!
Would we change this path if we could?
No, we would never even consider that,
For this is the path that led us to you.
He has answered your prayers!
He has spoken,
And we listened.
He called,
And we went to the other side of the world to find you.
What a joy and a gift you are to us!
We have never and will never count the cost.
Soon, my precious boy, we will be at the end of the path.
We are coming for you,
And we will bring you home...forever!

Amazing! A Lesson in Faith

Well, have I got a story for you!

Something absolutely incredible happened yesterday- it left D and I speechless.

Our flip house sold yesterday(see Sept.2007 post for pics/whole story).

That wasn't the shocking thing, though, because it is an adorable house and D did a great job with it, so I knew it would sell. Given the soft real estate market, we knew we should be realistic and expect low offers. We also knew the average time a house spends on the market in our area currently is 6 months. It has been 6 months.
In the past 6 months, we have had countless showings and no offers. I started to think maybe God's plan was something other than using this house to make money for our adoption. We had actually completely given up on making any money for the adoption with this house.

And then yesterday happened.

We got a call late yesterday morning that there was an offer on the house. It was substantially less than we were asking, so we were a little disheartened by that, but it was an offer! We figured we would counter it and hopefully come out at just SOME less than we were asking.

This is where the amazing part comes in...

Our realtor told us there was another showing at 6 PM, and it was a second showing, so she advised us to sit tight.

A little sidenote: The last time these people came to see the house was a few weeks ago. After that showing, my husband came home from work and said, "Well, I ruined the showing today. Don't expect those people to be back". He proceeded to tell me that he had stopped by the flip house (during work hours- he was on break) to put a new lightbulb in the front porch lightsocket because he knew there was a showing that evening and he had noticed it was out the night before. My husband is a police officer, so he was in uniform. Well, the people showed up to meet the realtor at the house a little early...oops! The first thing they see: a squad car and a police officer standing on the porch. LOL :0) He told me the lady said, "Well honey (to the person in the car), this is not a good sign, the police are here." I guess the realtor (not our realtor)showed up at that point, and my husband got a call, so he had to jump in the car and go. Don't know to this day if that whole thing was ever explained to them, but apparently the people liked the house anyway!

Back to yesterday...

At 8PM, my husband called (he was at work). The first thing he said was, "You are never gonna believe this". His voice was wavering, so I thought something was wrong. Just when my mind began reeling, he said, "We got another offer...it was for quite a bit more than we are asking- and they are pre-approved".

I could not speak.

How could this be? I said, "Are you sure?".

"Yes", he said. "Amazing, isn't it?"

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That word does not even do it justice.

God is GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!! He can do even more than we ever might ask or think. Did we even ever ask him to do that? No, I wish could say that we had. Our most recent prayers have been "God, please help us to break even, so this house does not keep us from bringing our son home. Your will be done". Luckily, we had lots of other people praying for us. Some of them must have been more faith-filled!

Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you who prayed that the house would sell!

Our closing date? Our son's birthday. He will turn 2 on that day.

Happy Birthday baby boy! God sold a house for you so your Mama and Papa can come to get you!

Mama Bird

A VERY exciting thing happened yesterday...I heard birds chirping!

I know many of you do not understand why this is so exciting, but I do know that those of you who have lived through this winter in the Midwest understand (again, how do people in Siberia do it?).

It's not that I don't like winter, I do! Nothing can compare to sitting by the fire with your family and watching huge, white snowflakes swirl all around outside. Or hearing your kids squeal with joy and anticipation as their daddy gives their sled a HUGE starter push at the top of a big, snowy hill. This is good stuff!

But spring is great too! And birds chirping is the first sign that it will be here soon. Time for the birds to nest. How fitting...

Time for me to nest too! Just like any good mama bird would do, I ripped the house apart this weekend. My poor husband, it probably scares him when I get like this.
It is amazing how much energy a woman has when it is almost time for her baby to come.

My mission: First, reorganize everything, starting with the closets.
Second, clean EVERYTHING!

So far, this mission is going well.

Gotta go, Mama bird has work to do!

WE GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We got our petition to court!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Praise God :0)

Thank you for all of your prayers! This is so much sooner than we thought it would come. In fact, I thought my husband was teasing me when he told me the news- LOL!

We are beyond excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Soon we will be officially waiting for a court date!

A Dose of Encouragement

When I was little and learning to swim, my mom would stand in the water just a few feet away from me. As I swam toward her, she would back up slowly, repeating, "Come on, you can do it!" all the while. The image in my mind is crystal clear. She had a big smile on her face and her arms were outstretched. A few moments into my swim, I would realize she was backing up and I would scream, breathlessly, "Mommy, don't back up!". She would continue the routine described above, encouraging me every so often as she continued to back up. A few minutes into it, I would begin to panic, and scream, "Mommy, I can't do it!". Still with a smile on her face, she would say calmly, "Yes, you can sweetie!". I would continue to swim toward her, desperate to reach her. Finally, after what seemed like years, I would reach her, breathless and exhausted, but so happy to be safe in her arms. She would say, "Look where we are, sweetie, we are at the other end of the pool. You swam all the way across! You did it!". Only then did I look up and realize that I truly had made it. I had done the work, but her encouragement is what enabled me to make it to the other side of the pool.

It's amazing how, every step along the way of this journey, God gives me a little dose of encouragement just when I need it, just like my mom did for me when she was teaching me to swim. As I have said before, it has been a real struggle for me sitting here in the "waiting room". I wish I could say I always have a peace about it all, but I don't (some of the time, yes, all of the time, no). The fact is, my son is on the other side of the world and my heart is hurting.

Yesterday was one of those days. I crumbled under the weight of it all and let fear and missing my son overtake me.

What happened?

I found out our petition to court is not even being processed yet. This means it will still be awhile before we get it. Which means it will be even longer before all of our paperwork can be presented to the judge so we can be assigned a court date. Of course, I should have looked on the bright side of the news and been happy that we are getting close and that nothing is wrong that would potentially hold up the processing of the petition once it is actually time to process it.

Did I look on the bright side?

No... I went to my room, shut the door, and silently cried.

All the while, I was apologizing to God for crying. I prayed for strength.

Then my 5 year-old daughter walked in and silently handed me a paper. She looked up at me, with her big, blue eyes and said, "Mommy, I made you a card". Then she put her little hands on my face and said, "I love you, Mommy" and kissed me on my forehead. Then she said, "These are all of the people I love so so much, and you're right there"(pointing to me in the pic). She proceeded to tell me who all of the people are, and ended with, "And that's baby brother" (pointing to the boy in the bottom righthand corner).



Notice the Y's where she meant to put X's- so precious!


Wow, you are amazing, God! Thank you for using my sweet little daughter to help me get everything back into the right perspective!!!!! I know it seems little, but it was just what I needed to remember that God is in control. That he holds my precious son in his hands and we will be united when it is time. I know someday I will look back across this journey and marvel at how we actually made it...

With a lot of encouragement, of course!

A Visitor (uninvited)

I haven't posted much lately...I've been pretty uninspired. Something happened today that inspired me, though, so I thought I would share.

We had a visitor at our house today.

It was puke.

Have you ever noticed that when you have children and/or pets and there is a pukey day at your house, it is usually REALLY pukey? Well that is how it was at our house today.

It started at 5 A.M. with my son standing next to my bed in the dark, saying, "Mom, I'm really thirsty!" Something about the way he was saying it (maybe it was because he had his hand around his throat) jolted me upright immediately. But before I could even completely focus my eyes on him, it was too late...

The next moment, I was frantically saying, "Try to get to the bathroom, honey!" and chasing after him as he ran. But it could not be contained.

Did I mention my son went to a birthday party last night, where they indulged in a cake that had RED icing and he had RED punch to wash it down?

Wow! That sight of that covering most of your bedroom carpet will REALLY wake you up in a hurry!

Why can't I wake up like that on any other day?

Anyway, I screamed for my husband to get up (no, none of the activity detailed above awoke him), which he then did. He got the honors of taking my son to Prompt Care (turns out he his tonsils are infected with strep) and I stayed home to clean the carpet.

Did I mention that when I walked out of my room to help my son get ready to go, I was greeted with MORE puke? Apparently the cat had gotten ahold of some of our dog's RED food and had thrown-up all over the family room.

Lucky for the cat, I got the carpet clean before my husband and son returned home.

It's that nine lives thing.

Oh my...

Some days are just like that.