Some of these awesome pics were taken by my girlfriend Robin. She caught some great moments- thanks Robin! Can't wait to go back!
Monday, March 16, 2009
More Disney Pics- Just For Fun!
Some of these awesome pics were taken by my girlfriend Robin. She caught some great moments- thanks Robin! Can't wait to go back!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Catching Up
Wow! Once again, it has been FOREVER since I last posted. The main reason for this is our computer is acting up and I can't stay online for more than a few minutes at a time. In addition, the past month has been a full one...
For starters, Caleb had an upper GI endoscopy to confirm our suspicions of H Pylori and to look for any other problems. C did so well- it was amazing. He is a tough little guy! I have never seen anyone hop right up immediately after waking up from anesthesia! That's my boy! Poor guy, though... as soon as I saw the pictures of the inside of his tummy, I felt awful we didn't uncover it sooner. His symptoms had been so vague and it took a lot for me to convince the Drs. and myself that something really wasn't right. Now that that drama is over with, C is being treated and is already showing signs of improvement :0)
On to the next thing... I finally had surgery to have my gallbladder removed- hooray! It is history!!!!! I have been waiting for quite a while to have this done, but bringing Caleb home had to come first. Once we finally had him home, I didn't want to have it done until I felt he was securely attached, as recovery from even a minor surgery would have meant I couldn't pick him up / hold him for at lest a week . I was very nervous before the surgery that this limitation would really set C back a lot in terms of his attachment because I usually pick him up and hold him a LOT in order to promote attachment. Jan. and Feb. had already proven to be difficult as it was... Turns out, though, C was VERY compassionate during the week following surgery and never acted out like I had feared. I can only guess that his own struggles with stomach problems and his endoscopy experience just prior to my own surgery helped him to really understand what was going on. He is such a sweet little boy and has such a big heart! So, in the end, the surgery just proved to me how attached he really is. Praise God!
So many other things have happened over the past month, but the most notable to me was our first visit with the behavioral / attachment therapist. She was wonderful! I really don't feel like C has any major issues attachment-wise, but there are still lots of little behaviors and things D and I felt we needed a little help understanding. We were also looking for some strategies for helping us deal with C's tantrums / disconnecting and with his extreme fears. Our visit was very successful in getting us on the right track and we can't wait to go to our next session! Next time, C will be fully evaluated for attachment and behavioral issues. This will give us a better idea of what we need to focus on with C and what things may just work themselves out developmentally. I'm so grateful to have the chance to get counsel from someone who really understands attachment. The chance to learn from her and to receive guidance from her is a blessing to us.
For starters, Caleb had an upper GI endoscopy to confirm our suspicions of H Pylori and to look for any other problems. C did so well- it was amazing. He is a tough little guy! I have never seen anyone hop right up immediately after waking up from anesthesia! That's my boy! Poor guy, though... as soon as I saw the pictures of the inside of his tummy, I felt awful we didn't uncover it sooner. His symptoms had been so vague and it took a lot for me to convince the Drs. and myself that something really wasn't right. Now that that drama is over with, C is being treated and is already showing signs of improvement :0)
On to the next thing... I finally had surgery to have my gallbladder removed- hooray! It is history!!!!! I have been waiting for quite a while to have this done, but bringing Caleb home had to come first. Once we finally had him home, I didn't want to have it done until I felt he was securely attached, as recovery from even a minor surgery would have meant I couldn't pick him up / hold him for at lest a week . I was very nervous before the surgery that this limitation would really set C back a lot in terms of his attachment because I usually pick him up and hold him a LOT in order to promote attachment. Jan. and Feb. had already proven to be difficult as it was... Turns out, though, C was VERY compassionate during the week following surgery and never acted out like I had feared. I can only guess that his own struggles with stomach problems and his endoscopy experience just prior to my own surgery helped him to really understand what was going on. He is such a sweet little boy and has such a big heart! So, in the end, the surgery just proved to me how attached he really is. Praise God!
So many other things have happened over the past month, but the most notable to me was our first visit with the behavioral / attachment therapist. She was wonderful! I really don't feel like C has any major issues attachment-wise, but there are still lots of little behaviors and things D and I felt we needed a little help understanding. We were also looking for some strategies for helping us deal with C's tantrums / disconnecting and with his extreme fears. Our visit was very successful in getting us on the right track and we can't wait to go to our next session! Next time, C will be fully evaluated for attachment and behavioral issues. This will give us a better idea of what we need to focus on with C and what things may just work themselves out developmentally. I'm so grateful to have the chance to get counsel from someone who really understands attachment. The chance to learn from her and to receive guidance from her is a blessing to us.
Monday, February 23, 2009
A Magical Trip
Can you guess where we went? I know I have taken much too long to post about our trip. It sure is true that time flies when you are having fun... and what could be more fun than THE Happiest Place on Earth?
Our trip to Disney World was absolutely awesome! We are so very grateful to have gotten the chance to go. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to all of you who made it possible!!!!!!! It was so amazing to see it all through a 2 year-old's first-time perspective :0) Initially, I was a little nervous about C's first plane ride since coming home from Russia. He was NOT fond of flying back then, so I worried he would be afraid and panic. I quickly realized, though, that my fears were unfounded. As soon as C saw how excited his brother and sisters were about getting on the plane and buckling in, he just happily followed along. O.K., I slipped him a few pieces of candy as a diversion too (never hurts :0) ).
Once we got to Disney, Caleb did so well and kept up with the big kids just fine! We met up with my best friend and her family, so there were 7 kids in all! It was so wonderful to finally be together again, and to introduce them to C. Robin's kids were so sweet to C and he fell in love with her 2 girls right away... and I think her son is his newest hero!
Anyway, I could go on and on, but I think pictures will do a better job of showing just how much fun we had. Bear with me... the first picture is not so convincing :0)
First ride... Small World...C tried to muster a smile, but was a little nervous
Epcot- C was warming up to the whole thing, despite the chilly weather (balmy to us!)
C admiring one of his sisters at the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique
Brothers enjoying a snack in theMagic Kingdom
Ashley in Minnie Mouse's Garden
Missing one child in this pic. Yes, Andrew had his Russian big bro shirt on.
Russia- It's a Small World
Daddy's shoulders- best seat in the house
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Danc'in Fool
I've been wanting to post this for awhile, but I keep forgetting. C loves to dance and it's really fun to watch him...
Friday, January 16, 2009
A Step Forward
I haven't blogged for a few weeks... I just haven't had a whole lot to say. The chaos of the past few weeks seems to have taken its toll on C. A's birthday was the final straw for C. The change in his routine and the lack of individual attention from Mommy has caused him to seek attention in some very negative ways, despite our best efforts to give him as much love and positive praise as we can possibly muster. He has been VERY difficult and has reverted back to the tantrums of old... ie: screaming uncontrollably, refusing to look at us and fighting HARD when we try to hold him and calm him down. The only new thing he has added to his fit-throwing repetoire is he screams "NO!" everytime one of us tries to say anything to him. *SIGH*
Of course, the return of these fits was not met with happiness by any of us. In fact, I took the return of the fits quite hard at first. C truly has been behaving just like he did 7 months ago, so it felt as though we were starting right back at square 1 again, and I certainly did not EVER want to go back there. We've even had to go back to holding time again. Ughhhhh! I hate holding time.
Now that it has been a few weeks since the fits first returned, I've finally been able to move past my initial reaction of fear and panic and react constructively during C's fits. I have spent a lot of time in prayer, asking God to help me stay calm and to find a way to get into C's heart past all of the fear and anger he is feeling.
As I mentioned previously, C generally refuses to look at us when he is having a tantrum. He shuts down and emotionally withdraws. He also fights being held. This has always disturbed me, as I have vivid memories of my older 3 children looking at me in a pleading fashion as they threw their tantrums, almost as if they were silently pleading with me to help them to calm down. C has never done this. He always withdraws completely whenever he is angry / frustrated. He does not allow himself to connect with me or to be comforted by me. Because C has now conquered allowing himself to be helped and loved when he is NOT feeling angry (like when he is sleepy, hungry or hurt), I decided it is now time for me to teach him to allow me to help him when he is feeling angry. We started about 2 weeks ago during one of our holding time sessions, while I rocked him in the rocking chair. I noticed C had his eyes partially open (usually he has them tightly shut), so instead of just talking to C gently and telling him how much I love him while he was screaming, I held his face close to mine, lined my eyes up with his and followed his head as he thrashed to get away from me. I kept telling him he can look at me and that it would not hurt him. This exercise terrified him and he began to sweat profusely, but I continued to tell him "it's O.K. to look at your mommy when you are angry... I am here to help you... I love you". C's English is good enough now that I could tell he understood every word I was saying. I asked his if it scared him to look at me and he screamed "yes". I told him not to be afraid... that he could do it. Finally, he calmed down and just gazed into my eyes. His beautiful blue eyes were still brimming with tears. I told him again that he didn't need to be afraid of looking at me and that Jesus wants him to be able to look at me and feel my love for him. He said, "I know Mommy" and then wrapped his arms around me and squeezed tightly. My heart just filled with joy!
Thank you, Lord, for giving my son the courage to open his heart just a little bit more.
Of course, the return of these fits was not met with happiness by any of us. In fact, I took the return of the fits quite hard at first. C truly has been behaving just like he did 7 months ago, so it felt as though we were starting right back at square 1 again, and I certainly did not EVER want to go back there. We've even had to go back to holding time again. Ughhhhh! I hate holding time.
Now that it has been a few weeks since the fits first returned, I've finally been able to move past my initial reaction of fear and panic and react constructively during C's fits. I have spent a lot of time in prayer, asking God to help me stay calm and to find a way to get into C's heart past all of the fear and anger he is feeling.
As I mentioned previously, C generally refuses to look at us when he is having a tantrum. He shuts down and emotionally withdraws. He also fights being held. This has always disturbed me, as I have vivid memories of my older 3 children looking at me in a pleading fashion as they threw their tantrums, almost as if they were silently pleading with me to help them to calm down. C has never done this. He always withdraws completely whenever he is angry / frustrated. He does not allow himself to connect with me or to be comforted by me. Because C has now conquered allowing himself to be helped and loved when he is NOT feeling angry (like when he is sleepy, hungry or hurt), I decided it is now time for me to teach him to allow me to help him when he is feeling angry. We started about 2 weeks ago during one of our holding time sessions, while I rocked him in the rocking chair. I noticed C had his eyes partially open (usually he has them tightly shut), so instead of just talking to C gently and telling him how much I love him while he was screaming, I held his face close to mine, lined my eyes up with his and followed his head as he thrashed to get away from me. I kept telling him he can look at me and that it would not hurt him. This exercise terrified him and he began to sweat profusely, but I continued to tell him "it's O.K. to look at your mommy when you are angry... I am here to help you... I love you". C's English is good enough now that I could tell he understood every word I was saying. I asked his if it scared him to look at me and he screamed "yes". I told him not to be afraid... that he could do it. Finally, he calmed down and just gazed into my eyes. His beautiful blue eyes were still brimming with tears. I told him again that he didn't need to be afraid of looking at me and that Jesus wants him to be able to look at me and feel my love for him. He said, "I know Mommy" and then wrapped his arms around me and squeezed tightly. My heart just filled with joy!
Thank you, Lord, for giving my son the courage to open his heart just a little bit more.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Happy New Year and Merry Russian Christmas!
Happy New Year and Merry Russian Christmas!
Here is some information about Russian Christmas from http://www.worldofchristmas.net/...
In Russia, Festival of Winter is celebrated instead of the religious festival of Christmas but still Christmas lingers in some parts of the country. Traditional Russian Christmas involves special prayers and a fast of 39 days till the first star appears in the sky on Christmas Eve (which falls on 6th of January in Russia). The star heralds the beginning of a twelve-course supper, one course each for the twelve apostles. Traditional Russian Christmas dishes include fish, beet soup known as Borsch, cabbage stuffed with millet and cooked dried fruit. Hay is spread on the floors and tables so that horse feed grows abundantly in the coming year. Similarly, Russians make clucking noises so that their hens lay more eggs.
On Christmas Day, people sing hymns and carols and gather in churches. Churches are decorated with Christmas trees known as 'Yelka', flowers and colored lights. Various meats form a part of the traditional Christmas dinner such as goose and suckling pig. Babushka (meaning 'grandmother') distributes presents to children in Russia. According to the folklores, she is very old and when the Three Wise Men stopped on their way and asked her to accompany them to visit Jesus, she declined because it was very cold. However, she regretted the decision later and set off with presents for the baby in her basket. However, she never found Jesus and in the hope of finding Him one day, visits all the houses with children and leave toys for the good ones. Dedushka Moroz (Father Frost) or Grandfather Christmas replaces Father Christmas in Russia.
On Christmas Day, people sing hymns and carols and gather in churches. Churches are decorated with Christmas trees known as 'Yelka', flowers and colored lights. Various meats form a part of the traditional Christmas dinner such as goose and suckling pig. Babushka (meaning 'grandmother') distributes presents to children in Russia. According to the folklores, she is very old and when the Three Wise Men stopped on their way and asked her to accompany them to visit Jesus, she declined because it was very cold. However, she regretted the decision later and set off with presents for the baby in her basket. However, she never found Jesus and in the hope of finding Him one day, visits all the houses with children and leave toys for the good ones. Dedushka Moroz (Father Frost) or Grandfather Christmas replaces Father Christmas in Russia.
As a family, we plan to observe Russian Christmas (I'm hoping my recipe ideas will improve every year, because as of right now, I don't have much!) and are excited about making this an annual tradition! Thanks to C, we get to celebrate Christmas twice :0)
Sunday, December 28, 2008
C's First Christmas
C had a great first Christmas! Although it was surely overwhelming and confusing to him at times, he took it all in stride... even his first visit to Santa surprised us. The big kids all wanted to go see Santa, so C tagged along. We knew full well C would most likely be terrified by Santa, so we told him he did not have to sit on his lap or talk to him if he didn't want to. Once we got there, though, and he saw his brother and sister sit on Santa's lap and tell him what they wanted for Christmas, he decided he had to do the same. Before I could even snap a picture, C walked right up to Santa, allowed Santa to hoist him up on his lap, looked Santa straight in the eyes and said "TRUCK!" loudly and clearly before Santa had even spoken a single word to him. He then quickly hopped right back off of Santa's lap and calmly returned to the safety of Mommy and Daddy. Santa would never have believed C spoke only Russian just 6 months ago and has never been to visit Santa before! And guess what?
C got a truck for Christmas (actually, he got several)! Santa did not disappoint :0)
Below are some pics from our Christmas family picture-taking party. In order to get the kids to smile for the pics and to help them to see it as fun, I decided to call it a picture-taking party and let them each take a bunch of pictures. Not only did the kids have a blast, they actually took some really cute pictures! We will be using this tactic a lot more in the future! Oh- mute the music and listen to video at the end... you can hear C's Russian accent (trills his R's and says kreesmees)... so cute :0)
We hope you all had a very blessed Christmas and may your New Year be full of JOY!
C got a truck for Christmas (actually, he got several)! Santa did not disappoint :0)
Below are some pics from our Christmas family picture-taking party. In order to get the kids to smile for the pics and to help them to see it as fun, I decided to call it a picture-taking party and let them each take a bunch of pictures. Not only did the kids have a blast, they actually took some really cute pictures! We will be using this tactic a lot more in the future! Oh- mute the music and listen to video at the end... you can hear C's Russian accent (trills his R's and says kreesmees)... so cute :0)
We hope you all had a very blessed Christmas and may your New Year be full of JOY!
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Looking Back
One year ago today, I met my baby boy face to face for the very first time. So much has happened since then, and yet, it is as if time has stood still. My memories of that day are so vivid... the emotions of that day are still so raw. Today, C and I watched some of the videos we took in the orphanage last year. He seemed to show some flickers of recognition, but not much. I, on the other hand, remember it ALL.
What do I remember?
I remember my heart doing flip-flops as the van headed toward the orphanage that day.
I remember begging God to help me to know our son the moment I laid eyes on him.
I remember barely being able to contain myself as we were led into the orphanage.
I remember going up to the director's office.
I remember the director questioning us and I noticed I could see her lips moving, but I could not hear her.
I remember thinking, "When are they going to let us see him?"
I remember the office door swinging open (just a few feet away from me) unexpectedly.
I remember seeing my son's face for a brief moment (his eyes were so wide!) and then the caregiver (who was holding his hand) apologized in Russian and quickly shut the door again.
I remember knowing without a doubt C is my son.
I remember not being able to breathe.
I remember my arms aching, I wanted to scoop him up right then!
I remember the director finally let us go into the visiting room.
I remember C standing there, looking so frightened and so alone.
I remember the first moment I held him, my heart swelled with such joy!
I remember the first time I heard him laugh, just a few minutes later.
I remember leaving my son behind the very next day, knowing it would be months before I would see him again.
I remember God's promise to lead us through it all.
God kept his promise.
For I know the plans I have for you,
Declares the Lord,
Plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
Plans to give you a hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11
What do I remember?
I remember my heart doing flip-flops as the van headed toward the orphanage that day.
I remember begging God to help me to know our son the moment I laid eyes on him.
I remember barely being able to contain myself as we were led into the orphanage.
I remember going up to the director's office.
I remember the director questioning us and I noticed I could see her lips moving, but I could not hear her.
I remember thinking, "When are they going to let us see him?"
I remember the office door swinging open (just a few feet away from me) unexpectedly.
I remember seeing my son's face for a brief moment (his eyes were so wide!) and then the caregiver (who was holding his hand) apologized in Russian and quickly shut the door again.
I remember knowing without a doubt C is my son.
I remember not being able to breathe.
I remember my arms aching, I wanted to scoop him up right then!
I remember the director finally let us go into the visiting room.
I remember C standing there, looking so frightened and so alone.
I remember the first moment I held him, my heart swelled with such joy!
I remember the first time I heard him laugh, just a few minutes later.
I remember leaving my son behind the very next day, knowing it would be months before I would see him again.
I remember God's promise to lead us through it all.
God kept his promise.
For I know the plans I have for you,
Declares the Lord,
Plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
Plans to give you a hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11
Monday, December 15, 2008
Join Me in Prayer
http://karinupdates.blogspot.com
One of the mothers in my adoption chatgroup needs your prayers. Even though I do not know her personally, I have been so very blessed by her and the encouragement she has provided to all of us in the group who have traveled down the adoption path behind her. Though she may not have even been aware of it, she provided me with strength and a will to press on many times throughout our journey to C. She is a devoted mother and wife who loves Jesus. Her joy and love of life is infectious. Her oldest son is from the same orphanage as C and she and her husband just completed the adoptions of twins from Vietnam- her husband finally got to bring their daughter home just a few weeks ago. A few months ago, Karin was diagnosed with kidney cancer and she had been battling that with fierce determination and courage. Last week, her husband posted the news that she had been hospitalized and was not expected to live. Miraculously, she is still alive today, but is in need of a miracle. Her family also needs your prayers. Please follow the link above to Karin's blog and join me in prayer.
One of the mothers in my adoption chatgroup needs your prayers. Even though I do not know her personally, I have been so very blessed by her and the encouragement she has provided to all of us in the group who have traveled down the adoption path behind her. Though she may not have even been aware of it, she provided me with strength and a will to press on many times throughout our journey to C. She is a devoted mother and wife who loves Jesus. Her joy and love of life is infectious. Her oldest son is from the same orphanage as C and she and her husband just completed the adoptions of twins from Vietnam- her husband finally got to bring their daughter home just a few weeks ago. A few months ago, Karin was diagnosed with kidney cancer and she had been battling that with fierce determination and courage. Last week, her husband posted the news that she had been hospitalized and was not expected to live. Miraculously, she is still alive today, but is in need of a miracle. Her family also needs your prayers. Please follow the link above to Karin's blog and join me in prayer.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
C's First Roadtrip
C with Aunt Suzy (my sister)It has taken me way too long to post! We have been sooooo busy with Christmas decorating, shopping, parties, and programs- I'll have to post later on that. First, let me catch you all up to speed...
We decided a few weeks ago to head out East to visit my family for Thanksgiving, so at the beginning of Thanksgiving week, we packed up (and I mean PACKED!) a rented van and headed to the East Coast. Poor C... he knew something was up and I'm sure it reminded him of flying home from Russia, so he was NOT happy before we left. I tried to explain all of it to him, but how could he possibly have understood? So he spent hours whining and clinging to me- which made it a cinch to finish packing and loading up the car... HA!!! Needless to say, I was VERY worried before we left about what he was thinking and how he would fare the 15 hour car ride and sleeping in strange places, not to mention meeting lots of adoring new family members for the first time.
Well...
C surprised all of us! As soon as he settled into the van and he saw his entire family would be going with him (his blankie and Mishka included), he did great! In fact, he is the BEST 2 year-old traveler we have ever had! We hardly ever heard a complaint out of him! He seemed to love almost every second of it. Who knew? What a far cry from the scared and angry little boy we brought home just 6 months ago! He sure didn't like ANYTHING about traveling back then and he made sure we were clear on that (not that we would have expected him to like any of it back then).
One of the best parts of the trip (besides the yummy Thanksgiving dinner and getting to introduce C to the rest of my family) was that C got to see the ocean for the first time. He had looked forward to seeing the beach and the ocean for several weeks and was just thrilled when we finally got to go there on Thanksgiving day. I cannot even imagine what he will do with himself next summer, when he can actually go in the water and play in the sand. He will be in heaven! Ever since we returned home, C regularly asks if we can go see his cousins and go to the beach. Just a few more months, buddy! :0)
Monday, December 01, 2008
One Year Ago
Last year on Thanksgiving, I was praying for news of our son. It was so hard to know he was out there somewhere, but to not know any other information about him... and then on November 30th, 2007 at 3:55 PM, we got a phone call that changed everything! We found out that our son was 19 months old and he was in Siberia! I cannot describe in words what that was like... I can only say there was so much joy in that moment! Suddenly, the son I had known only in my heart for 2 years was right there in front of me! When we went to the computer to pull up his pictures, this is what we saw...
Sing to God, sing praise to his name,
extol him who rides on the clouds-
his name is the Lord-
and rejoice before him.
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling.
God sets the lonely in families...
Psalm 68:4-6
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Awakening
I just love to see C's face light up when he is praised by D or myself. His eyes shine as he grins from ear to ear, and his entire body shivers in the pure thrill of it all. He just loves to be told "great job!" or "you did it!". Of course, all children love to succeed and be praised, but it is different with C. He can hardly contain his joy at the idea of having his very own captive audience/cheerleaders. I have noticed the joy in his reaction becoming even more pronounced over the past few weeks. Lately, he says "Mama, look at me!" every chance he gets. It is clear that he is finally starting to realize that his dad and I are his FOREVER cheerleaders, and that we want to celebrate ALL of the successes and joy life brings his way. He is finally figuring out what the words Mommy and Daddy really mean. Up until now, my name has been Mommy to him, but it might as well have been any other name. I think C is really starting to understand that Mommy and Daddy are his to keep. Praise God!
Monday, November 03, 2008
First Halloween
C had a great first Halloween! We spent all last week teaching him to say trick-or-treat and talking about what we would be doing and how trick-or-treating works. The excitement of the other 3 kids clued him into the fact that something exciting was about to happen... and he was thrilled about the idea of getting so much candy! C had a few practice runs with dressing up and getting treats before the big day (went to 3 pre-Halloween parties), so he wasn't too impressed with all of the preparation before we left to go trick-or-treating (he was not impressed with jack-o-lantern carving either- in fact, he was completely disgusted with the process). Once we started knocking on doors, however, he was clearly a little confused. For the first 4 houses, he followed his big brother and sisters quietly and dutifully to the doors, looking very uncertain. He even handed his candy back to the neighbor at the second house! By the fifth house, though, C had caught on just fine and boldly led the troop to each door, all the while loudly proclaiming "Trick-or-treat!" like a pro :0)
Did I mention he was the cutest Mickey Mouse I have ever seen?
Friday, October 24, 2008
Fall Fun!
Just wanted to add a few pics for the picture hungry... These were actually taken 2 weeks ago- we went to a farm to pick apples and select some pumpkins- we had a blast :0) C and Beans fell in love with a kitten there and he kept them entertained for quite some time. We even went for pumpkin pie blizzards after- YUM!!!!! C loved every second of it! Sadly, the weather is already turning too cold to have this kind of outdoor fun, so I'll just have to reminisce :0( D just told me we may have snow flurries this weekend!!!!!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
A Gift Like None Other
I have not written much about my son's birthmother before, but I think about her just about everyday. My heart often aches for her. I often wonder what she is doing now. Is she missing him? I cannot even begin to imagine having to give up my child.
When we were in the region in Russia where our son was born, my mind was very focused on her. I was very aware that, at any given moment, she could be standing right next to us and we would never even know it. When we had C with us, I would wonder if she would know him if she saw him. I'm fairly certain she would have. There were- and still are- so many thoughts and questions I have about her... questions that will never be answered... questions C will likely have one day. I have wrestled with, and come to accept, the lack of knowing. This is, after all, how God has planned for it to be. Someday C will have to wrestle with and accept the same questions without answers. I pray for C daily. That he will be able to understand that his birth mother gave him an incredible gift- she gave him the gift of life. This is one thing we do know. It is a fact that cannot be disputed. Today, as I was holding C close, that truth became so real to me. I could feel his soft cheek, rubbing against mine, and I could hear his rhythmic breathing as he relaxed in my arms. I can't imagine C NOT being our son. I can't imagine him NOT being here. She could have chosen a different outcome. I don't think I fully realized the gravity of that fact until today.
Thank you, Lord, for opening my eyes to the truth.
Thank you, Lord, for the young woman on the other side of the world,
who gave birth to our son.
Please hold her close and open her heart to the warmth of your love.
Thank you, C's birthmother, for choosing life for our son.
It is a gift like none other...
When we were in the region in Russia where our son was born, my mind was very focused on her. I was very aware that, at any given moment, she could be standing right next to us and we would never even know it. When we had C with us, I would wonder if she would know him if she saw him. I'm fairly certain she would have. There were- and still are- so many thoughts and questions I have about her... questions that will never be answered... questions C will likely have one day. I have wrestled with, and come to accept, the lack of knowing. This is, after all, how God has planned for it to be. Someday C will have to wrestle with and accept the same questions without answers. I pray for C daily. That he will be able to understand that his birth mother gave him an incredible gift- she gave him the gift of life. This is one thing we do know. It is a fact that cannot be disputed. Today, as I was holding C close, that truth became so real to me. I could feel his soft cheek, rubbing against mine, and I could hear his rhythmic breathing as he relaxed in my arms. I can't imagine C NOT being our son. I can't imagine him NOT being here. She could have chosen a different outcome. I don't think I fully realized the gravity of that fact until today.
Thank you, Lord, for opening my eyes to the truth.
Thank you, Lord, for the young woman on the other side of the world,
who gave birth to our son.
Please hold her close and open her heart to the warmth of your love.
Thank you, C's birthmother, for choosing life for our son.
It is a gift like none other...
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Ash has a boyfriend!
Relax, Grandmas, it's not what you think...
At bedtime tonight, I was in the hallway on my way to the bathroom to check on my girls (they are 6 years old) when I heard this conversation:
Ash: "You know B likes K and he wants to be her boyfriend" (my ears perked up right away).
Beans: "I know. But she doesn't want to go out with him" (Wow, where does this stuff come from?).
Ash: "Well, he told EVERYONE he is in love with her" (I was now hurrying to set the conversation straight).
I tried to appear casual as I entered the bathroom...
Me: "You girls are too young to be in love. You have to be grownups to have a boyfriend."
Ash (totally serious): "We know that, Mom! I'm only in love with one boy!"
Me: "You are? (I was preparing to give Ash a big lecture) Who?"
Ash: "Daddy!"
With that, she flashed me a huge grin and skipped into her room.
I didn't have the heart to tell her Daddy is already taken :0)
At bedtime tonight, I was in the hallway on my way to the bathroom to check on my girls (they are 6 years old) when I heard this conversation:
Ash: "You know B likes K and he wants to be her boyfriend" (my ears perked up right away).
Beans: "I know. But she doesn't want to go out with him" (Wow, where does this stuff come from?).
Ash: "Well, he told EVERYONE he is in love with her" (I was now hurrying to set the conversation straight).
I tried to appear casual as I entered the bathroom...
Me: "You girls are too young to be in love. You have to be grownups to have a boyfriend."
Ash (totally serious): "We know that, Mom! I'm only in love with one boy!"
Me: "You are? (I was preparing to give Ash a big lecture) Who?"
Ash: "Daddy!"
With that, she flashed me a huge grin and skipped into her room.
I didn't have the heart to tell her Daddy is already taken :0)
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Praise God For Grass Stains
I just came upstairs from doing the boys' laundry and I feel like I was stuck down there FOREVER!!!! It usually doesn't take me very long to do their laundry because their clothes are almost all dark colors and they are both fairly neat eaters. But today was different...
I spent a lot of time pre-treating their clothes today. By the time I got to the fifth or sixth pair of pants, I noticed a theme: grass stains. Then I sifted through the piles and discovered plenty more where that came from! My first reaction was frustration. I started to wonder when I would actually get to go to bed. I'm ashamed to say my mind swirled with negative thoughts about laundry and lack of sleep. Then all of a sudden, my thoughts shifted, and I remembered sitting with a mom of a little boy who was in my son's class last year. We were on a field trip and we were sitting on a bench, watching our boys wrestle one another in the grass. She had the sweetest smile on her face as she watched them. Then she turned to me and said, "I just love when he (motioning to her son) comes home with grass stains. I'm sure he'll have some today". Before I could ask her if she was feeling O.K., she explained, "He was pretty sick the first few years of his life, so I never had to clean grass stains off of his pants back then".
I had forgotten all about that comment until tonight. The memory of it sure did turn my thoughts around... Wow! How awesome! She was and is so right. Those grass stains mean my boys are healthy and strong! Thank you, Lord! On top of that, C has probably never had grass stains on his pants before. It may seem silly, but I teared up just thinking about it.
Lord, thank you for my beautiful children- all of them.
Thank you for their health.
Thank you for filling their hearts with the joys of childhood.
Thank you for giving C to our family.
Thank you for giving him the chance to be a normal little boy.
Thank you for the reminder- I needed it.
Thank you for blessing me with the awesome job of being C's Mommy.
Amen
I spent a lot of time pre-treating their clothes today. By the time I got to the fifth or sixth pair of pants, I noticed a theme: grass stains. Then I sifted through the piles and discovered plenty more where that came from! My first reaction was frustration. I started to wonder when I would actually get to go to bed. I'm ashamed to say my mind swirled with negative thoughts about laundry and lack of sleep. Then all of a sudden, my thoughts shifted, and I remembered sitting with a mom of a little boy who was in my son's class last year. We were on a field trip and we were sitting on a bench, watching our boys wrestle one another in the grass. She had the sweetest smile on her face as she watched them. Then she turned to me and said, "I just love when he (motioning to her son) comes home with grass stains. I'm sure he'll have some today". Before I could ask her if she was feeling O.K., she explained, "He was pretty sick the first few years of his life, so I never had to clean grass stains off of his pants back then".
I had forgotten all about that comment until tonight. The memory of it sure did turn my thoughts around... Wow! How awesome! She was and is so right. Those grass stains mean my boys are healthy and strong! Thank you, Lord! On top of that, C has probably never had grass stains on his pants before. It may seem silly, but I teared up just thinking about it.
Lord, thank you for my beautiful children- all of them.
Thank you for their health.
Thank you for filling their hearts with the joys of childhood.
Thank you for giving C to our family.
Thank you for giving him the chance to be a normal little boy.
Thank you for the reminder- I needed it.
Thank you for blessing me with the awesome job of being C's Mommy.
Amen
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Kinkle Kinkle Goo Goo Kwai
I just HAD to post this... it is so cute! C loves to sing and his first favorite once he was home became "Tomorrow" from Annie (don't ask me why, but he is absolutely obsessed with it!). Anyway, his new favorite is "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" and the way he sings it is so funny! Here he is giving his rendition of the song on our Karaoke machine. See if you can recognize any of it... :0) Be sure to mute the music below.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Emotions of Motherhood
I'm finding that being a mother to a post institutionalized child can be quite confusing emotionally. Motherhood, in general, can cause one to feel as though she is losing her mind from time to time (or if you're like me, I actually DO lose my mind every few minutes every day :0) ). Just to clarify, I LOVE being a mommy- there isn't a job in the world that is even half as amazing. The reality is, though, mothers are imperfect and feeling human beings raising imperfect and feeling human beings. This fact is bound to cause some frustration and uncertainly on a regular basis. This stew of emotions is compounded when a mother is raising a child whose emotional needs have not been met for the first few years of his life. The result of all of this? Some VERY confusing emotions and, oftentimes, emotions that are certainly outside the realm of what would be considered "normal".
Take today for example...
I'm sitting here just thrilled that my youngest was crying hysterically and clinging to me for dear life as I attempted to drop him off at "school" (A.K.A. daycare) this morning (this is his second time- he goes every Friday). On top of that elation is a cloud of guilt... I feel terrible that I am thrilled about the fact that my baby is distraught. Confusing, huh? With my other three kids, I always felt simply awful when they struggled with separation. But with C, it's different. This is the first time he has ever displayed such strong emotions when faced with being separated from me. And it's not that he doesn't like his school, he LOVES it. Last week he did perfectly and talked quite a bit about how much fun he had. Today, on the drive over, he was really excited that he would get to play outside on the playground today (last week it was pouring and they didn't get to play outside :0( ).
So today marks a new chapter in our life as mommy and son... and that is a very emotional thing for me.
Take today for example...
I'm sitting here just thrilled that my youngest was crying hysterically and clinging to me for dear life as I attempted to drop him off at "school" (A.K.A. daycare) this morning (this is his second time- he goes every Friday). On top of that elation is a cloud of guilt... I feel terrible that I am thrilled about the fact that my baby is distraught. Confusing, huh? With my other three kids, I always felt simply awful when they struggled with separation. But with C, it's different. This is the first time he has ever displayed such strong emotions when faced with being separated from me. And it's not that he doesn't like his school, he LOVES it. Last week he did perfectly and talked quite a bit about how much fun he had. Today, on the drive over, he was really excited that he would get to play outside on the playground today (last week it was pouring and they didn't get to play outside :0( ).
So today marks a new chapter in our life as mommy and son... and that is a very emotional thing for me.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Cool party trick
I took this video a few weeks ago. Check out one of C's many amazing talents. He will sit on the floor almost completely motionless for minutes at a time and "practice". The only part of him that moves during this time is his mouth (this in and of itself is amazing for any 2 year-old!). The three big kids think it is the funniest thing to try to imitate. They have never succeeded, but it's entertaining to watch them try!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
A Mother's Prayer of Thanksgiving
I am sitting here watching my son at play in the backyard, and I am nearly in tears... tears of joy and thanksgiving. I came in to make lunch and it is ready now, but everytime I call out the back slider to ask him if he is ready for lunch, he says "not yet, Mama". It is a beautiful fall day, and he is basking in the glory of it, unwilling to tear himself away- not even to satisfy a hungry tummy.
What a picture he makes... the sun is shining down on his little blond head and causing his hair to sparkle. I can see his adorable little lips curled up into a smile, as he swings slowly, allowing the tips of his bare little toes to be tickled by the tips of the blades of grass as he swings. I can see him looking down and giggling. He looks so small and precious out there all alone. Now he is singing, and I can see his little lips moving and his beautiful blue eyes squinting, as he searches the sky for an airplane. He is still swinging, ever so slowly. Back and forth. Back and forth.
For now I will let him be... lunch can wait. My son has discovered what it is like to be free. He spent the first 2 years of his life on a strict schedule. His time outside was limited and there were other children and grown-ups around him at all times. As far as we can tell, his little bare feet had never touched the sun-warmed grass before he came home to his forever family. I am so grateful that he is finally home and that he gets to experience the simple pleasures of childhood. I know these pleasures are NOT guaranteed, they are a gift.
Thank you, Lord for the gift of my son
and for the gift of joy you have given him today.
Thank you for the warm sun
and for the grass that tickles my son's feet.
Thank you for the freedom he now enjoys,
And for the freedom he will one day find in YOU.
What a picture he makes... the sun is shining down on his little blond head and causing his hair to sparkle. I can see his adorable little lips curled up into a smile, as he swings slowly, allowing the tips of his bare little toes to be tickled by the tips of the blades of grass as he swings. I can see him looking down and giggling. He looks so small and precious out there all alone. Now he is singing, and I can see his little lips moving and his beautiful blue eyes squinting, as he searches the sky for an airplane. He is still swinging, ever so slowly. Back and forth. Back and forth.
For now I will let him be... lunch can wait. My son has discovered what it is like to be free. He spent the first 2 years of his life on a strict schedule. His time outside was limited and there were other children and grown-ups around him at all times. As far as we can tell, his little bare feet had never touched the sun-warmed grass before he came home to his forever family. I am so grateful that he is finally home and that he gets to experience the simple pleasures of childhood. I know these pleasures are NOT guaranteed, they are a gift.
Thank you, Lord for the gift of my son
and for the gift of joy you have given him today.
Thank you for the warm sun
and for the grass that tickles my son's feet.
Thank you for the freedom he now enjoys,
And for the freedom he will one day find in YOU.
Friday, September 05, 2008
Breaking bad habits
We all have bad habits and behaviors we need to work on, so I am in no way picking on my youngest when I say he has some too... it's just that this blog is about adoption and the joys and challenges that come along with this amazing adventure, so C gets his very own post detailing his bad habits for the world to read. Poor guy! Most of you know C and know he is a sweet, happy, and engaging little guy. For those of you who don't know him personally, you'll just have to trust us!
Since the day we got to take C out of the orphanage, we have noticed he has some interesting habits. I have even mentioned some of them in the past. Most of these habits developed as a means of survival within the walls of the orphanage, and we actually find some of them sort of endearing (others, not so much). Let's face it, they make him who he is. Now that C is home, however, many of C's habits only serve to divide him from his family and friends... so they have to go.
Behavior #1: Defending personal space and possessions
The first month we were home, we worked on the most pressing behaviors that caused problems in our house. The first behavior we worked on was C's aggression toward his brother and sisters whenever he felt threatened. This popped up throughout the day and was most often brought on if the big kids got too close (trying to hug, kiss, help him with something, etc.) when C had a drink/food/toy/etc. in his hands. C would immediately hit/push/kick/bite whoever was unlucky enough to be in his space. Poor guy! Our three bug kids were so happy to finally have him home- they were ALL over him ALL day!
To remedy this behavior, we did several things. First, the big kids were warned about this behavior and were told when to expect it. We also told them to try to remember to tell C what they were wanting to do BEFORE doing it and to remember to firmly tell C there is no hitting/biting/pushing/kicking allowed.
On C's end,we quickly taught C empowering words like "don't touch", "let go", "my turn", etc. and coached him (and the sibling involved) on using these whenever we noticed one of these altercations in progress.
Even though we did all of this and C quickly learned all of the English needed, not only to understand what his siblings were saying to him, but to let them know how he was feeling, this didn't completely extinguish the behavior (it did reduce the frequency). When C is not feeling well or is tired, the behavior comes right back again. To help him with this, we have started holding him gently if we notice he is becoming agitated when a sibling is close. We tell him gently that it is O.K. and that the other child will not take anything from him. If he remains calm and allows the hug (or whatever it may be), we lavish the praise on him and say, "See? He/she just wants to love you!" He has even started saying, "See? Love you!" all on his own.
Something funny we have discovered: if our kids firmly command C in Russian to hug or kiss them while they are leaning in to hug or kiss him, he will smile and willingly comply, no matter what he has in his hands. Obviously we don't encourage commanding another family member to either give or receive love, as this is really a performance and does not come from the heart. Clearly, this is simply another orphanage behavior, and an interesting one at that. We have read that the kids in the orphanages are trained to hug and kiss on command, and this certainly appears to be true.
Behavior #2: Role of disciplinarian and comforter
This behavior was the most surprising to me, as it certainly sent the message loud and clear that C had never learned to accept a grown-up as the authority in a given situation. We know C was cared for by grown-ups, so we expected him to see the adult as the authority and comforter. We were dead wrong! Now we must conclude that most of the time, play was conducted as a free-for-all, and the kids in the orphanage dealt with their own disagreements most of the time.
Right from the beginning, C would rush to "punish" any sibling who hurt another. As soon as he saw a child crying, he would quickly search for the offender and rush toward that child to hit him/her, all the while yelling at said child and making an incredibly mean face. He would then (just as quickly) rush to the hurt child and put his arm around him/her and say "it's O.K., don't cry". Sometimes, he would even turn around again and scold the offender harshly, all-the-while keeping his arm around the hurt child. It was wild to watch- almost like Jekyll and Hyde.
This behavior was a real problem, not only because our kids rarely hurt one another on purpose (so he was "punishing" an innocent child- sometimes he even picked the wrong child to "punish"), but because we know full well that C could behave this way when playing with other children outside of our home.
To deal with this, C is quickly told to stay by Mommy or Daddy's side as soon as someone is heard wailing. He is told that Mommy and Daddy deal with these things and he will go to the corner if he gets involved. Poor guy, he has been sent to the corner a lot over this, as we can't always catch him to remind him before an incident occurs. He has improved dramatically over the past few weeks, and has even run to come get one of us if someone gets hurt by another. He is still encouraged to be a comforter, of course, but a secondary comforter. He still will rub a child's back or kiss him/her while letting Mommy or Daddy do the hugging and holding. Don't forget, I said some of the behaviors are endearing!
Behavior #3: Begging for food and/or taking food that belongs to others
To be quite honest, this behavior drives me nuts and our 3 older kids feel the same (esp. since they are usually the unwitting targets of this behavior)! Poor C must still believe he may not get enough to eat if he does not resort to his own tactics- even after 3 months of getting PLENTY to eat. Since C is one of the few orphans we have heard of who has LOST weight since coming home, we fear he was a food bully in the orphanage. He was actually quite chubby on Gotcha Day and has slimmed down considerably since then. Oh dear, to think: our child may have been responsible for the low weight of other children in his group. Well, at least he can't torment them anymore...
Even though C will now regularly leave food on his plate unfinished, he continues to beg for food and steal food from others. This still happens all day every day. Even if C has just finished a meal and has told me he is full, he will beg for food if he sees anything new. If the refrigerator is opened, he will rush to get there before it closes and beg/whine. Lucky for us, C cannot open the fridge on his own, but 5 other people in the house can! C has even been known to beg his pushover sisters into opening it for him, even though we have strictly forbidden them to do so.
Stealing food will most often occur if C finishes his snack and sees others still eating. He will also try to scavenge plates that are left on the dinner table. Two of my big kids, in particular, are very slow eaters. C will stalk them and wait for a chance to take their food. It's kind of funny to watch it all unfold... One of the slow eaters will be sitting on the couch watching TV with a snack in hand. C sees this and quietly climbs up onto the couch and sits next to the slow eater. Like a lion, he has decided who is weakest, and waits for just the right moment to pounce (ie: steal food). He used to just blatantly take it, but now he knows this could cause him a lot of trouble. The big kids used to happily welcome C to sit next to them on the couch, but now they ask us to come get him as soon as they notice him closing in.
We are still struggling with how to deal with this behavior, as punishing him for it does not seem fair or appropriate. Obviously, we consistently feed C, so this is step one in the battle. We also try to remind him that he already had his food and that he does not need any more (if this is indeed the case). If he does need more food, we remind him to come to Mommy or Daddy to ask for more. We are hoping time will help him to see that he will always have enough to eat.
Since the day we got to take C out of the orphanage, we have noticed he has some interesting habits. I have even mentioned some of them in the past. Most of these habits developed as a means of survival within the walls of the orphanage, and we actually find some of them sort of endearing (others, not so much). Let's face it, they make him who he is. Now that C is home, however, many of C's habits only serve to divide him from his family and friends... so they have to go.
Behavior #1: Defending personal space and possessions
The first month we were home, we worked on the most pressing behaviors that caused problems in our house. The first behavior we worked on was C's aggression toward his brother and sisters whenever he felt threatened. This popped up throughout the day and was most often brought on if the big kids got too close (trying to hug, kiss, help him with something, etc.) when C had a drink/food/toy/etc. in his hands. C would immediately hit/push/kick/bite whoever was unlucky enough to be in his space. Poor guy! Our three bug kids were so happy to finally have him home- they were ALL over him ALL day!
To remedy this behavior, we did several things. First, the big kids were warned about this behavior and were told when to expect it. We also told them to try to remember to tell C what they were wanting to do BEFORE doing it and to remember to firmly tell C there is no hitting/biting/pushing/kicking allowed.
On C's end,we quickly taught C empowering words like "don't touch", "let go", "my turn", etc. and coached him (and the sibling involved) on using these whenever we noticed one of these altercations in progress.
Even though we did all of this and C quickly learned all of the English needed, not only to understand what his siblings were saying to him, but to let them know how he was feeling, this didn't completely extinguish the behavior (it did reduce the frequency). When C is not feeling well or is tired, the behavior comes right back again. To help him with this, we have started holding him gently if we notice he is becoming agitated when a sibling is close. We tell him gently that it is O.K. and that the other child will not take anything from him. If he remains calm and allows the hug (or whatever it may be), we lavish the praise on him and say, "See? He/she just wants to love you!" He has even started saying, "See? Love you!" all on his own.
Something funny we have discovered: if our kids firmly command C in Russian to hug or kiss them while they are leaning in to hug or kiss him, he will smile and willingly comply, no matter what he has in his hands. Obviously we don't encourage commanding another family member to either give or receive love, as this is really a performance and does not come from the heart. Clearly, this is simply another orphanage behavior, and an interesting one at that. We have read that the kids in the orphanages are trained to hug and kiss on command, and this certainly appears to be true.
Behavior #2: Role of disciplinarian and comforter
This behavior was the most surprising to me, as it certainly sent the message loud and clear that C had never learned to accept a grown-up as the authority in a given situation. We know C was cared for by grown-ups, so we expected him to see the adult as the authority and comforter. We were dead wrong! Now we must conclude that most of the time, play was conducted as a free-for-all, and the kids in the orphanage dealt with their own disagreements most of the time.
Right from the beginning, C would rush to "punish" any sibling who hurt another. As soon as he saw a child crying, he would quickly search for the offender and rush toward that child to hit him/her, all the while yelling at said child and making an incredibly mean face. He would then (just as quickly) rush to the hurt child and put his arm around him/her and say "it's O.K., don't cry". Sometimes, he would even turn around again and scold the offender harshly, all-the-while keeping his arm around the hurt child. It was wild to watch- almost like Jekyll and Hyde.
This behavior was a real problem, not only because our kids rarely hurt one another on purpose (so he was "punishing" an innocent child- sometimes he even picked the wrong child to "punish"), but because we know full well that C could behave this way when playing with other children outside of our home.
To deal with this, C is quickly told to stay by Mommy or Daddy's side as soon as someone is heard wailing. He is told that Mommy and Daddy deal with these things and he will go to the corner if he gets involved. Poor guy, he has been sent to the corner a lot over this, as we can't always catch him to remind him before an incident occurs. He has improved dramatically over the past few weeks, and has even run to come get one of us if someone gets hurt by another. He is still encouraged to be a comforter, of course, but a secondary comforter. He still will rub a child's back or kiss him/her while letting Mommy or Daddy do the hugging and holding. Don't forget, I said some of the behaviors are endearing!
Behavior #3: Begging for food and/or taking food that belongs to others
To be quite honest, this behavior drives me nuts and our 3 older kids feel the same (esp. since they are usually the unwitting targets of this behavior)! Poor C must still believe he may not get enough to eat if he does not resort to his own tactics- even after 3 months of getting PLENTY to eat. Since C is one of the few orphans we have heard of who has LOST weight since coming home, we fear he was a food bully in the orphanage. He was actually quite chubby on Gotcha Day and has slimmed down considerably since then. Oh dear, to think: our child may have been responsible for the low weight of other children in his group. Well, at least he can't torment them anymore...
Even though C will now regularly leave food on his plate unfinished, he continues to beg for food and steal food from others. This still happens all day every day. Even if C has just finished a meal and has told me he is full, he will beg for food if he sees anything new. If the refrigerator is opened, he will rush to get there before it closes and beg/whine. Lucky for us, C cannot open the fridge on his own, but 5 other people in the house can! C has even been known to beg his pushover sisters into opening it for him, even though we have strictly forbidden them to do so.
Stealing food will most often occur if C finishes his snack and sees others still eating. He will also try to scavenge plates that are left on the dinner table. Two of my big kids, in particular, are very slow eaters. C will stalk them and wait for a chance to take their food. It's kind of funny to watch it all unfold... One of the slow eaters will be sitting on the couch watching TV with a snack in hand. C sees this and quietly climbs up onto the couch and sits next to the slow eater. Like a lion, he has decided who is weakest, and waits for just the right moment to pounce (ie: steal food). He used to just blatantly take it, but now he knows this could cause him a lot of trouble. The big kids used to happily welcome C to sit next to them on the couch, but now they ask us to come get him as soon as they notice him closing in.
We are still struggling with how to deal with this behavior, as punishing him for it does not seem fair or appropriate. Obviously, we consistently feed C, so this is step one in the battle. We also try to remind him that he already had his food and that he does not need any more (if this is indeed the case). If he does need more food, we remind him to come to Mommy or Daddy to ask for more. We are hoping time will help him to see that he will always have enough to eat.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Lots Go'in On!
Wow! I didn't realize it had been so long since my last entry until I logged on just now! Time flies when you're a Mommy! The past few weeks have flown more quickly than any I can ever recall. I have been completely absorbed in trying to savor every precious, fleeting moment. Here's a re-cap...
*My baby girls turned 6 (Mommy cried)! :0) :0( As a result of this event, C learned what a present is, and he discovered he really likes cake and ice cream (he HATED ice cream the first time we offered it to him in Russia).
*One of our presents to the girls was a trip to the water park. C had a blast!
*Grandma and Grandpa came to visit, so C met his other Grandpa for the first time.
*C had his little boy surgery- he was not feeling so great for a few days, but is back to his crazy/wild self now!
*We had a fun last week before school started, including back-to-school shopping and C's first trip to the zoo (he was in awe the entire time and still has not stopped talking about it).
*Today C watched his brother and both of his sisters get on a big yellow bus that took them away for the entire day- he was a little confused at first, but seemed to really enjoyed being able to do whatever he pleased all day!
Here some pics...
C having a blast at a local water park
Beans had fun too- pretty obvious!
Ash- ever ready for the photo-op
A almost never stopped- lucky I got this one!
Ash and Beans' friend party
C had his first PlayPlace experience- he jumped right in!
Ash and Beans are 6!
The zoo
Beans and C at the zoo
First day of school
A and C
Monday, August 11, 2008
A New Day, A New Hope
Today was a new day... and I thank God for that. The past 2 years have been quite a rollercoaster and the past 2 months have had the highest highs and the lowest lows of the entire ride. Not that I ever would have wanted to have it any other way. My son is home and he is a gift.
God never said this would be easy, though. The truth is, there have been some very difficult times for me. I have had many moments of complete despair, when the enemy takes hold of my mind and my heart and tells me I am not good enough... that my son will never learn to trust in my love for him... that God is done helping us. In these moments, all of my old fears surface, and I allow myself to carry the the weight of my son's hurts and needs on my own shoulders. And when I do that, my fears come true. I cannot do this alone. I will not succeed. Without God's help I CANNOT.
Last night was one of those times. C was HORRIBLE at bedtime... again. I felt so helpless. I prayed for God to find me in the darkness. I begged Him to give me patience and to help me find a way to get through to C. I felt no patience and I heard no answers....
But this morning, I woke up and felt brand new! He did not forsake me! Last night I truly believed I should give up and not push my son for a deeper attachment. Clearly, God has a different idea. He is NOT done helping us. Today He gave me confidence. I never heard God tell me it would be alright, but I FELT it. And tonight, He gave me even more.
I hit my elbow on the wall as I was rocking C tonight. All of a sudden, he whipped his binky out of his mouth and popped it into mine (it was so sweet, it was easy to ignore the slobber!). Then, he held my face in his hands and said, "Mama, cry? Mima, no cry. " He was saying I could have his binky to feel better, because he was O.K.! Then he wrapped his arms around me tightly and said "lub oo, Mama" After that, he snuggled in my arms and looked at me so intently. I told him in Russian that I am his Mama forever and that I will always love him. I know he doesn't really know what forever means, but I can tell you that I have never seen such a look of contentment on his face. I nearly burst into tears of joy right then! I think C is finally starting to really know what a Mother's love should feel like... warm and safe. He is finally letting himself truly enjoy the feeling.
What a blessing today turned out to be.
"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning"
Lamentations 3:22-23a
"My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever."
Psalm 73:26
God never said this would be easy, though. The truth is, there have been some very difficult times for me. I have had many moments of complete despair, when the enemy takes hold of my mind and my heart and tells me I am not good enough... that my son will never learn to trust in my love for him... that God is done helping us. In these moments, all of my old fears surface, and I allow myself to carry the the weight of my son's hurts and needs on my own shoulders. And when I do that, my fears come true. I cannot do this alone. I will not succeed. Without God's help I CANNOT.
Last night was one of those times. C was HORRIBLE at bedtime... again. I felt so helpless. I prayed for God to find me in the darkness. I begged Him to give me patience and to help me find a way to get through to C. I felt no patience and I heard no answers....
But this morning, I woke up and felt brand new! He did not forsake me! Last night I truly believed I should give up and not push my son for a deeper attachment. Clearly, God has a different idea. He is NOT done helping us. Today He gave me confidence. I never heard God tell me it would be alright, but I FELT it. And tonight, He gave me even more.
I hit my elbow on the wall as I was rocking C tonight. All of a sudden, he whipped his binky out of his mouth and popped it into mine (it was so sweet, it was easy to ignore the slobber!). Then, he held my face in his hands and said, "Mama, cry? Mima, no cry. " He was saying I could have his binky to feel better, because he was O.K.! Then he wrapped his arms around me tightly and said "lub oo, Mama" After that, he snuggled in my arms and looked at me so intently. I told him in Russian that I am his Mama forever and that I will always love him. I know he doesn't really know what forever means, but I can tell you that I have never seen such a look of contentment on his face. I nearly burst into tears of joy right then! I think C is finally starting to really know what a Mother's love should feel like... warm and safe. He is finally letting himself truly enjoy the feeling.
What a blessing today turned out to be.
"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning"
Lamentations 3:22-23a
"My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever."
Psalm 73:26
Friday, August 08, 2008
Fun in the pool!
Here is a video and some great pics from today. As I have mentioned before, C just LOVES the water :0)
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Attachment Journal- Entry #1
C is changing so fast and I feel like I am already starting to forget what he was like when we first took him out of the orphanage, so I've decided to start an "attachment journal". Not only will it help me to really see how he has changed (and to really celebrate the work God is doing in his heart , as well in our hearts), but maybe it can even serve to help others. Even though we are by no means experts, sometimes it just helps to know you are not alone...
WEEK #1
The day we picked C up from the orphanage, we noticed several behaviors we had read about during the 2 years we had spent preparing to bring C into our family.
Playing
We noticed right away that C always played in a corner or behind a piece of furniture. He would play with us for a few minutes, but would then retreat to a "safe" zone. We countered this by gently encouraging him to come back into the open to play (even encouragement in Russian didn't usually work, so we then would have to carry him back to the play area). We then would stop whatever we were doing to engage him in play out in the open, so he could see that no one would take anything from him We had to do this repeatedly the first few days, until he eventually realized that he didn't have to hide to play with his toys- of course this was obvious to us, but it was so ingrained in him to feel threatened, he did this even though no one ever took his toys when he was with us.
Playing now
C never hides to play now. In fact, he usually prefers to play near / with me or one of his siblings. I have not seen him hide to play since the first week we were home. We have a toy here (we did not have it with us in Russia) that is the exact same as one C played with during our visits to C in the orphanage. The first time he played with it here is the only time I have seen this behavior since we came home.
Eating- Just a few hours after we picked C up and brought him back to the hotel, it was time for dinner. We had already seen his eating style in the orphanage, so we were prepared for this one. Basically, C ate all of his food within seconds without ever even breathing or chewing (slight exaggeration there, just to make my point) and he would eat a staggering amount. On top of that, it was pretty clear that he would have eaten even more had he been given the opportunity.
Oh, and... early on, if he had the chance, he would take his food and go to a far corner (he would even face the wall) to eat.
We had read that a great way to teach a child to enjoy eating and to stop when he is full is to feed him (not allow him to feed himself). To enhance bonding, the child ,must make eye contact with the parent before the next bite is placed in his mouth. This sounds contrary to the general advice for feeding time with a toddler, but we had to realize that eating has always been a desperate and rushed occasion for our son. He had never been taught that eating should be a relaxed and pleasant time- and also a time to share with those who are close to you. So we fed him, just as one would feed a spoon-fed baby.
The results?
Eating now
The results of this method were extremely successful very quickly (in our case). By the end of the first week, C's eating speed had slowed and the amount had been reduced to what would be considered a normal amount. It is common now for him to leave food on his plate and tell us he is full. Obviously, a big part of the success was simply C realizing that there was more than enough food at every meal, and that he didn't enjoy feeling so bloated all of the time! The big success, as far as bonding goes, is that this method allowed C to interact with us while he ate. He began to talk to us during meals and after the first week, he would even initiate eye-contact with us. It took several more weeks for him to consistently remember to chew his food. We would always require him to show us that he had chewed and swallowed all of his food before he could have another bite. Sometimes he still has to be reminded!
The only issue we still struggle with is drinking. C would drink an entire river every day if we let him! We have to limit his drinking to the amount his diapers (mixed in with a little peeing on the potty throughout the day) can handle. Clearly he is drinking PLENTY, but he still begs for a drink just about all day every day. It's obvious he is not really thirsty, because he will drop it right away if I just tell him no and distract him. He doesn't ask again until he sees someone drinking something. The sight of the refrigerator open will also cause him to start begging again.
Sleeping- Week one taught us that C did not like to be touched at bedtime (in fact, he flat-out refused any touch and would push whatever was touching him away- even if he seemed to be asleep). Clearly, his reasons for this were obvious, yet this was the hardest behavior to deal with. How do you soothe a toddler who cannot settle down at night and who is terrified, no less, if you cannot touch him?????? Very tough one...
The first night required holding time (holding C lovingly, but firmly) until he fell asleep because he kept trying to leave the hotel room (all the while saying "edom, edom", which means "go, go" in Russian). The remainder of the nights the first week, C would allow me to read him a 1-2 minute story (while he wiggled relentlessly on my lap). I could then hold him briefly (usually while he screamed bloody murder) in a darkened room before he would start to beg for his bed. He didn't even know to wrap his arms and legs around me when I was holding him, so I would have to position his limbs for him- he HATED this. He also arched his back violently. Eventually (sooner, rather than later- before he made me drop him), I would put him in his empty crib, and I would have to tell him sternly in Russian that it was time for bed and that he must lie down. He could not have any sheets, blankets, etc. because he would wrap these around his head or he would make a hill out of them (he would even pull the fitted sheet off of the mattress) and then lie on his back on top of the hill. After just a minute or so, C would stand up and I would have to repeat the same phrases in Russian again whilst I gently, but firmly, placed him in the proper sleeping position again. This sequence of events would repeat until C fell asleep. In desperation, I would always end up trying to use various forms of touch to soothe him, but his reaction to this was always the same- extreme agitation.
Sleeping now
We have come a long way! C loves to read books at bedtime now, and will sit happily for 5-10 minutes. Sometimes he even cries because he wants to read another one (and sometimes I happily comply). When the lights go out, C is usually happy to help me situate his blankie just right, so I can rock him. A few weeks ago, he decided he wanted to use his pacifier (he never wanted anything to do with one before a few weeks ago), so he pops that in his mouth and relaxes. I know binkies can be a terrible habit, but we are allowing him to indulge- he deserves it! Sometimes C falls asleep in my arms and sometimes he wants to get in his crib after I tell a story and sing a few songs. He rarely kicks and screams now. When he does, we do holding time until he can calm down. Another improvement is that he can usually handle a pillow and blanket now and he has never pulled the sheet off of his crib here at home. Before I put him in his crib, he always wraps his little arms and legs around me and squeezes tight. It's awesome!
That's it for now. More to come later...
WEEK #1
The day we picked C up from the orphanage, we noticed several behaviors we had read about during the 2 years we had spent preparing to bring C into our family.
Playing
We noticed right away that C always played in a corner or behind a piece of furniture. He would play with us for a few minutes, but would then retreat to a "safe" zone. We countered this by gently encouraging him to come back into the open to play (even encouragement in Russian didn't usually work, so we then would have to carry him back to the play area). We then would stop whatever we were doing to engage him in play out in the open, so he could see that no one would take anything from him We had to do this repeatedly the first few days, until he eventually realized that he didn't have to hide to play with his toys- of course this was obvious to us, but it was so ingrained in him to feel threatened, he did this even though no one ever took his toys when he was with us.
Playing now
C never hides to play now. In fact, he usually prefers to play near / with me or one of his siblings. I have not seen him hide to play since the first week we were home. We have a toy here (we did not have it with us in Russia) that is the exact same as one C played with during our visits to C in the orphanage. The first time he played with it here is the only time I have seen this behavior since we came home.
Eating- Just a few hours after we picked C up and brought him back to the hotel, it was time for dinner. We had already seen his eating style in the orphanage, so we were prepared for this one. Basically, C ate all of his food within seconds without ever even breathing or chewing (slight exaggeration there, just to make my point) and he would eat a staggering amount. On top of that, it was pretty clear that he would have eaten even more had he been given the opportunity.
Oh, and... early on, if he had the chance, he would take his food and go to a far corner (he would even face the wall) to eat.
We had read that a great way to teach a child to enjoy eating and to stop when he is full is to feed him (not allow him to feed himself). To enhance bonding, the child ,must make eye contact with the parent before the next bite is placed in his mouth. This sounds contrary to the general advice for feeding time with a toddler, but we had to realize that eating has always been a desperate and rushed occasion for our son. He had never been taught that eating should be a relaxed and pleasant time- and also a time to share with those who are close to you. So we fed him, just as one would feed a spoon-fed baby.
The results?
Eating now
The results of this method were extremely successful very quickly (in our case). By the end of the first week, C's eating speed had slowed and the amount had been reduced to what would be considered a normal amount. It is common now for him to leave food on his plate and tell us he is full. Obviously, a big part of the success was simply C realizing that there was more than enough food at every meal, and that he didn't enjoy feeling so bloated all of the time! The big success, as far as bonding goes, is that this method allowed C to interact with us while he ate. He began to talk to us during meals and after the first week, he would even initiate eye-contact with us. It took several more weeks for him to consistently remember to chew his food. We would always require him to show us that he had chewed and swallowed all of his food before he could have another bite. Sometimes he still has to be reminded!
The only issue we still struggle with is drinking. C would drink an entire river every day if we let him! We have to limit his drinking to the amount his diapers (mixed in with a little peeing on the potty throughout the day) can handle. Clearly he is drinking PLENTY, but he still begs for a drink just about all day every day. It's obvious he is not really thirsty, because he will drop it right away if I just tell him no and distract him. He doesn't ask again until he sees someone drinking something. The sight of the refrigerator open will also cause him to start begging again.
Sleeping- Week one taught us that C did not like to be touched at bedtime (in fact, he flat-out refused any touch and would push whatever was touching him away- even if he seemed to be asleep). Clearly, his reasons for this were obvious, yet this was the hardest behavior to deal with. How do you soothe a toddler who cannot settle down at night and who is terrified, no less, if you cannot touch him?????? Very tough one...
The first night required holding time (holding C lovingly, but firmly) until he fell asleep because he kept trying to leave the hotel room (all the while saying "edom, edom", which means "go, go" in Russian). The remainder of the nights the first week, C would allow me to read him a 1-2 minute story (while he wiggled relentlessly on my lap). I could then hold him briefly (usually while he screamed bloody murder) in a darkened room before he would start to beg for his bed. He didn't even know to wrap his arms and legs around me when I was holding him, so I would have to position his limbs for him- he HATED this. He also arched his back violently. Eventually (sooner, rather than later- before he made me drop him), I would put him in his empty crib, and I would have to tell him sternly in Russian that it was time for bed and that he must lie down. He could not have any sheets, blankets, etc. because he would wrap these around his head or he would make a hill out of them (he would even pull the fitted sheet off of the mattress) and then lie on his back on top of the hill. After just a minute or so, C would stand up and I would have to repeat the same phrases in Russian again whilst I gently, but firmly, placed him in the proper sleeping position again. This sequence of events would repeat until C fell asleep. In desperation, I would always end up trying to use various forms of touch to soothe him, but his reaction to this was always the same- extreme agitation.
Sleeping now
We have come a long way! C loves to read books at bedtime now, and will sit happily for 5-10 minutes. Sometimes he even cries because he wants to read another one (and sometimes I happily comply). When the lights go out, C is usually happy to help me situate his blankie just right, so I can rock him. A few weeks ago, he decided he wanted to use his pacifier (he never wanted anything to do with one before a few weeks ago), so he pops that in his mouth and relaxes. I know binkies can be a terrible habit, but we are allowing him to indulge- he deserves it! Sometimes C falls asleep in my arms and sometimes he wants to get in his crib after I tell a story and sing a few songs. He rarely kicks and screams now. When he does, we do holding time until he can calm down. Another improvement is that he can usually handle a pillow and blanket now and he has never pulled the sheet off of his crib here at home. Before I put him in his crib, he always wraps his little arms and legs around me and squeezes tight. It's awesome!
That's it for now. More to come later...
Saturday, August 02, 2008
A Growing Bond
It has now been 2 months since we picked C up from the orphanage and became a forever family. It's strange... that all seems like so long ago. C is such a different child now. That fact makes it seem like much longer than just a few weeks. The contrast is striking, really. So many times lately, I forget for hours, sometimes even for a full day, that he hasn't been mine forever. It's wild, because sometimes, all of a sudden, I will remember. It's a strange feeling... so hard to explain. It's just that he is so much a part of me and so much a part of our family, I simply can't really remember him NOT being here and being our son. I have always loved him, but now that we are really getting to know one another, I am falling more deeply in love with him with each passing day. C has really been letting his guard down over the past week or so, and our mother-son bond has really grown by leaps and bounds. I have been so stressed over whether or not we have been doing enough and/or the right things to foster bonding and attachment, so this has really helped me to relax a little (although I know full well I must remain vigilant) and to really enjoy just being with him. Bedtime, particularly, has improved dramatically and we now see that holding time really works. C no longer screams and fights us at bedtime!!!!!!!!!!!! He even has asked me to rock him for the past few nights. My heart nearly burst tonight as I rocked him and he snuggled against me and looked up at me with his beautiful eyes, so heavy with sleep. He is letting me into his precious little heart and it is the most wonderful feeling!
Praise God!
Praise God!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
The Things I Love About Summer
Summer is my most favorite season, and today was one of those perfect summer days. It had all 3 elements required...
1) The sun was shining
2) It was hot (but not too hot)
3) We got to spend a lot of time in the water
The 3 big kids were quite busy today and were not around much, so C and I got to swim in our little pool today without any yelling, splashing, etc. It was so much fun! Not that it isn't fun with all 4 of the kids, but it was great to be able to give him some one-on -one attention. He is quite the little swimmer! We started him out with water wings plus a tube just a few days ago (we didn't let him swim in the pool until last week) and he has already graduated to water wings only. His most favorite pool activity is to jump into the pool. Then he climbs out and does it all over again. He holds his breath like a pro! We just have to remind him to keep his mouth closed before he jumps in. And he already gets around on his own. We are impressed with this, as we are certain he has NEVER been swimming before. As I have stated in previous posts, he clearly fits our family- we all love to swim! Not only is swimming great exercise, but it tuckers those little ones out too (great bonus for Mommy and Daddy)!
1) The sun was shining
2) It was hot (but not too hot)
3) We got to spend a lot of time in the water
The 3 big kids were quite busy today and were not around much, so C and I got to swim in our little pool today without any yelling, splashing, etc. It was so much fun! Not that it isn't fun with all 4 of the kids, but it was great to be able to give him some one-on -one attention. He is quite the little swimmer! We started him out with water wings plus a tube just a few days ago (we didn't let him swim in the pool until last week) and he has already graduated to water wings only. His most favorite pool activity is to jump into the pool. Then he climbs out and does it all over again. He holds his breath like a pro! We just have to remind him to keep his mouth closed before he jumps in. And he already gets around on his own. We are impressed with this, as we are certain he has NEVER been swimming before. As I have stated in previous posts, he clearly fits our family- we all love to swim! Not only is swimming great exercise, but it tuckers those little ones out too (great bonus for Mommy and Daddy)!
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