On Christmas Eve, the day after my husband and I returned home from our first trip to Russia, my mom called to tell me that my uncle (on my Dad's side) and my aunt (on my mom's side) had both been diagnosed with aggressive forms of cancer. This was hard news to swallow, but we prayed for two miracles. We also knew God's will would be done. Just a week later, my Uncle Jim passed away. My Aunt Carole held on a little longer, but lost her battle last week.
I have always lived far away from both my Uncle Jim and my Aunt Carole, and I never got to see either one of them nearly as much as I would have liked. Regardless of this reality, I have always held a special place for each one of them in my heart. Even though they are now gone from this Earth, they have forever changed who I am and how I live my life.
My Uncle Jim was a big guy with a New York accent, a great sense of humor (he loved to laugh), and a heart of gold. He was the type of guy who was completely pure and true- he never pretended to be someone else. If you didn't like that, too bad! He, along with his wife (my dad's sister), raised 2 amazing sons- 2 of the sweetest and most respectful guys I have ever known... they are true gentlemen. This speaks volumes of who my uncle was.
One of my earliest memories of my Uncle is of the time he took all of us kids fishing. I think it might have been my first time. He taught me what I needed to know, and then let me have at it. I clearly remember standing on the pier, watching my bobber start to move. My uncle was helping one of the other kids. Suddenly, something was pulling HARD on my line. I quickly went from excited to terrified. The fish was pulling so hard, I thought I was going to gett pulled in with it! I screamed with all my might, and my uncle came running right over to save me. And save me he did! He helped me reel in a pretty big fish! After that, he praised me for not letting go. He kept telling me how tough and how brave I was. That was a big compliment from such a big, strong guy! I was thrilled. Later on, he told the story of how strong and brave I was to my mom and dad and anyone else who would listen. Uncle Jim became one of my heros that day...
If you had asked me during my growing up years what kind of man I wanted to marry someday, I would have told you a man like my Uncle Jim. And you know what? I did- minus the New York accent :0).
Some lessons I have learned from my Uncle Jim:
1) Take time for the little moments and truly be present in them.
2) Take time to encourage others.
3) Teach your sons to be gentlemen and to respect their mother.
4) Enjoy life!
5) Always be there for your family.
6) Be true to who you are- don't compromise.
My Aunt Carole was an AMAZING lady. I don't like to even try to put her into words, but that is all I have, so I'll try...
Aunt Carole blessed all she met with the most incredible unconditional love- she was friend to all. She gave 100% of herself 100% of the time. She truly wanted to know everything about every person she ever met- she was genuinely interested. And she was very direct- if she wanted to know something, she would ask you, and if she had an opinion, she would share it with you. She wasn't perfect and never pretended to be. And boy, was she funny! Her zeal for life could not be contained. She was THE BEST cook, and always made gourmet meals. My husband does not like to try new things, and is a fairly picky eater, but Aunt Carole's food was the exception. If she made it, he couldn't wait to eat it- even if he did not recognize any of it!
Aunt Carole had her priorities perfectly straight. Although she loved a neat and tidy house (did I mention how much she loved a tidy house?), she knew what was most important. She (along with my uncle- my mom's brother) raised 2 wonderful kids. She also had 2 incredible grandchildren. She loved kids- whatever delighted them delighted her. She often chastised me for worrying so much about the mess my kids would make in her house. She would say, "They're kids! Let them play!". And she didn't just say this, she lived this example. I am forever grateful to her, for this is one of the most important lessons of motherhood. I strive to be the kind of mother she was.
Lessons I learned from my Aunt Carole:
1) Truly love others- even strangers.
2) Speak the truth in love.
3) Don't miss out on the important things in life by getting caught up in the small details.
4) Be yourself- you don't have to be perfect!
5) Have fun!
6) Don't be afraid to laugh at yourself.
7) Be devoted to your family (and feed them well).
Both my Uncle Jim and my Aunt Carole were truly exceptional people and I have learned so many important life lessons from each of them. They richly blessed my life (and the lives of so many others)... Although I am deeply saddened because our son will never know Uncle Jim and Aunt Carole in the literal sense, I will always strive to instill in him the lessons I have learned from them. In this way, my son (and all of our children) will carry a little part of my Uncle Jim and a little part of my Aunt Carole with him always.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
With Surrender Comes Peace
Well, tomorrow is my little boy's second birthday, and some of you have asked how I'm doing, knowing that we will not be with him on that day (thank you so much for caring enough to ask!). My answer to this question is, of course, complex. The first part to the answer: I wish he could be right here, right now... but he can't. The second part to the answer, and the part that amazes me: I'm O.K. with that. To expound on that even further, I actually feel a sense of excited anticipation.
This feeling surprises me... I used to say I would surely fall apart if we didn't make it to Russia by April 15th. Since our son's birthday falls really close to the four-month mark we had been told to expect, I used this date as kind of a "worst case scenario" deadline for myself.
WARNING: (this is directed to all prospective adoptive parents who following behind us on the adoption path) DO NOT DO THIS TO YOURSELF!!!!!!!
I know my positive outlook on this otherwise grim reality is a gift- and it can be directly attributed to the people who have covered us in prayer and love through our adoption journey.
All of the support we have received from others (especially my best girlfriend, Robin, who has been soooo incredibly supportive- thanks girlfriend :0) ) throughout this time has been incredible. It's so comforting and uplifting to have so many people so deeply entrenched in this journey with us. God has moved so many hearts to pray for us and for our son, and this has made all the difference to us. Those prayers and love have enabled me to surrender to the fact that God is completely in control of EVERY detail of this entire adoption journey. The wrestling with God over the timing and specifics is over... praise God!!!... and it has been replaced with an incredible peace.
"I have told you these things,
so that in me you may have peace.
In this world you will have trouble.
But take heart!
I have overcome the world."
John 16:33
This feeling surprises me... I used to say I would surely fall apart if we didn't make it to Russia by April 15th. Since our son's birthday falls really close to the four-month mark we had been told to expect, I used this date as kind of a "worst case scenario" deadline for myself.
WARNING: (this is directed to all prospective adoptive parents who following behind us on the adoption path) DO NOT DO THIS TO YOURSELF!!!!!!!
I know my positive outlook on this otherwise grim reality is a gift- and it can be directly attributed to the people who have covered us in prayer and love through our adoption journey.
All of the support we have received from others (especially my best girlfriend, Robin, who has been soooo incredibly supportive- thanks girlfriend :0) ) throughout this time has been incredible. It's so comforting and uplifting to have so many people so deeply entrenched in this journey with us. God has moved so many hearts to pray for us and for our son, and this has made all the difference to us. Those prayers and love have enabled me to surrender to the fact that God is completely in control of EVERY detail of this entire adoption journey. The wrestling with God over the timing and specifics is over... praise God!!!... and it has been replaced with an incredible peace.
"I have told you these things,
so that in me you may have peace.
In this world you will have trouble.
But take heart!
I have overcome the world."
John 16:33
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Raining Eggs
I finally did it! Here's the video from our Easter egg hunt at church. Pretty cool, huh? The kids were thrilled!
Friday, April 04, 2008
Please Pray
This was the announcement from our agency yesterday...
As we have noted on our blog, another child adopted from Russia to the United States was recently killed by his parents. Russia takes the death of one of their children very seriously, and as this now makes 14 children in total who have been killed in the United States, we have been concerned as to what ramifications this latest case may have on the process. In the past, we have seen increased document requirements, greater scrutiny on parents, a further restriction on mental health diagnoses and treatment in prospective adoptive parents, and requests for documents from US governmental authorities as a result of children’s deaths.
We have now received word that one of the regions we have recently begun working with again has decided to halt adoption activities for one month, citing this incident as the cause. I would ask that families pray for the Russian authorities, that they would have wisdom during this time.
I would also ask for prayer for the people involved in this tragedy, particularly the other children who were in the family.
The region in Russia first to respond to this tragedy is not ours, but a similar response could come from our region at any time. Of course, we pray that it does not.
Please pray!
Pray for the family involved in this tragedy.
Pray specifically for the mother (who has been charged) in this case. That she seek repentance if she did commit this crime, and that the truth will set her free if she did not.
Pray for the families affected by this tragedy. There are thousands of orphans in Russia waiting to come home to their forever families at this very moment.
Pray for wisdom for the Russian authorities. They want to protect their chilfren, and we want this as well.
Please pray that tragedies like this one are averted in the future.
Although our faith that our son will come home remains unshaken, our hearts are hurting right now. We mourn every time a child loses his life at the hands of a parent.
One child is too many.
As we have noted on our blog, another child adopted from Russia to the United States was recently killed by his parents. Russia takes the death of one of their children very seriously, and as this now makes 14 children in total who have been killed in the United States, we have been concerned as to what ramifications this latest case may have on the process. In the past, we have seen increased document requirements, greater scrutiny on parents, a further restriction on mental health diagnoses and treatment in prospective adoptive parents, and requests for documents from US governmental authorities as a result of children’s deaths.
We have now received word that one of the regions we have recently begun working with again has decided to halt adoption activities for one month, citing this incident as the cause. I would ask that families pray for the Russian authorities, that they would have wisdom during this time.
I would also ask for prayer for the people involved in this tragedy, particularly the other children who were in the family.
The region in Russia first to respond to this tragedy is not ours, but a similar response could come from our region at any time. Of course, we pray that it does not.
Please pray!
Pray for the family involved in this tragedy.
Pray specifically for the mother (who has been charged) in this case. That she seek repentance if she did commit this crime, and that the truth will set her free if she did not.
Pray for the families affected by this tragedy. There are thousands of orphans in Russia waiting to come home to their forever families at this very moment.
Pray for wisdom for the Russian authorities. They want to protect their chilfren, and we want this as well.
Please pray that tragedies like this one are averted in the future.
Although our faith that our son will come home remains unshaken, our hearts are hurting right now. We mourn every time a child loses his life at the hands of a parent.
One child is too many.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Please Explain
Several people have asked me in the past few days to explain a little more about the adoption process from here on out, with the main question being, "Why don't you have a court date?". The reason I haven't posted on this subject is twofold:
one- because there are so many factors, and two- I don't know all of the factors.
Here is what I know...
We are waiting for a court date to be assigned. These are generally assigned in the order by which the families traveled for trip one. Remember, there are several other agencies working in our region, which means there are other families in "line" in addition to the families from our agency. We are next (along with another family) within our agency. The court will take 2 families from our agency per court day. Adoptions are only processed on Tuesdays, so there is one possible court day per week.
In order for a court date to be assigned to us, all of our documents (dossier) must first be reviewed again by our facilitator. He needs to ensure that they are all in his possession (he has his own copies and our regional facilitator has her own copies as well- hers are the ones that will physically be turned in to the judge), that they are all done correctly, that they are all current / not expired, etc. It is our understanding that this process is complete or nearly complete.
Next, our physical dossier will be brought to the courthouse by our regional facilitator and presented to the judge. The judge then reviews the dossier (checking for the same things listed above) and assigns a court date. This could happen in one day, or it could take several weeks for a date to be assigned, depending on the judge's satisfaction with the dossier. He may ask for additional support documents and/or for documents to be re-done before a court day is assigned or even after a court date is assigned. Basically, additional documents can be requested at any time- even during the time we are physically in court (eeek! hope that doesn't happen!).
After a court date is assigned, this information must be relayed to/confirmed by the adoption agency's staff here is the U.S. During this time, our entire itinerary is planned out and every day we will spend in Russia is accounted for. We will be informed of our court date once our court date is confirmed and the general itinerery is mapped out.
Here's a rundown of the general itinerary (approx 27-30 days)...
1) Medicals
Spend several days in Moscow, during which time the medicals will be completed. We are required to have several labs done here in the U.S. and bring the results to Russia with us. We will see 8 specialists (oncologist, neurologist, etc.) and they will sign off on some paperwork for us to bring to the region with us.
2) Pre-court visit
Travel to the region and have at least one pre-court visit with our son. This is required by the court. I am fully in favor of this one and look forward to fulfilling the wishes of the court!
3) Prepare for court
We will spend several hours with one of our facilitators prepping for court the day prior to our actual court date.
4) COURT!
This will take about 2 hours, during which time we will be questioned about all things pertaining to our life, who we are, and what kind of parents we will be to our son.
5) 10-day waiting period
Our region (along with most regions in Russia) requires a 10-day waiting period post-court before we can be forever united with our son. We are told the purpose of this is to allow parents and children to build a stronger bond before the child is taken from the only home and caregivers he or she has ever known. During this time, our son stays in the orphanage and we are allowed to visit as often as the orphanage allows (this seems to be just about every weekday in our region).
6) Gotcha Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This will be the day we get to take our son with us :0) It will be amazing to actually get to walk out of the orphanage with him in our arms!
7) Paperwork
We will spend a few days in the region after gotcha day getting our some of the identification paperwork our son will need- new birth certificate, etc.
8) Return to Moscow
We will spend our last few days in Russia getting more paperwork (U.S. Embassy, etc.)
9) Fly home!
Our son will meet the rest of his forever family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, that's it! After we return home, we will be required to complete several post-placement reports over a span of 3 years. A post-placement report is simply a report that is written by our social worker, detailing our son's well-being and progress in his new family/home.
Please pray for a court date to come soon, so we can become a forever family as soon as possible!
one- because there are so many factors, and two- I don't know all of the factors.
Here is what I know...
We are waiting for a court date to be assigned. These are generally assigned in the order by which the families traveled for trip one. Remember, there are several other agencies working in our region, which means there are other families in "line" in addition to the families from our agency. We are next (along with another family) within our agency. The court will take 2 families from our agency per court day. Adoptions are only processed on Tuesdays, so there is one possible court day per week.
In order for a court date to be assigned to us, all of our documents (dossier) must first be reviewed again by our facilitator. He needs to ensure that they are all in his possession (he has his own copies and our regional facilitator has her own copies as well- hers are the ones that will physically be turned in to the judge), that they are all done correctly, that they are all current / not expired, etc. It is our understanding that this process is complete or nearly complete.
Next, our physical dossier will be brought to the courthouse by our regional facilitator and presented to the judge. The judge then reviews the dossier (checking for the same things listed above) and assigns a court date. This could happen in one day, or it could take several weeks for a date to be assigned, depending on the judge's satisfaction with the dossier. He may ask for additional support documents and/or for documents to be re-done before a court day is assigned or even after a court date is assigned. Basically, additional documents can be requested at any time- even during the time we are physically in court (eeek! hope that doesn't happen!).
After a court date is assigned, this information must be relayed to/confirmed by the adoption agency's staff here is the U.S. During this time, our entire itinerary is planned out and every day we will spend in Russia is accounted for. We will be informed of our court date once our court date is confirmed and the general itinerery is mapped out.
Here's a rundown of the general itinerary (approx 27-30 days)...
1) Medicals
Spend several days in Moscow, during which time the medicals will be completed. We are required to have several labs done here in the U.S. and bring the results to Russia with us. We will see 8 specialists (oncologist, neurologist, etc.) and they will sign off on some paperwork for us to bring to the region with us.
2) Pre-court visit
Travel to the region and have at least one pre-court visit with our son. This is required by the court. I am fully in favor of this one and look forward to fulfilling the wishes of the court!
3) Prepare for court
We will spend several hours with one of our facilitators prepping for court the day prior to our actual court date.
4) COURT!
This will take about 2 hours, during which time we will be questioned about all things pertaining to our life, who we are, and what kind of parents we will be to our son.
5) 10-day waiting period
Our region (along with most regions in Russia) requires a 10-day waiting period post-court before we can be forever united with our son. We are told the purpose of this is to allow parents and children to build a stronger bond before the child is taken from the only home and caregivers he or she has ever known. During this time, our son stays in the orphanage and we are allowed to visit as often as the orphanage allows (this seems to be just about every weekday in our region).
6) Gotcha Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This will be the day we get to take our son with us :0) It will be amazing to actually get to walk out of the orphanage with him in our arms!
7) Paperwork
We will spend a few days in the region after gotcha day getting our some of the identification paperwork our son will need- new birth certificate, etc.
8) Return to Moscow
We will spend our last few days in Russia getting more paperwork (U.S. Embassy, etc.)
9) Fly home!
Our son will meet the rest of his forever family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, that's it! After we return home, we will be required to complete several post-placement reports over a span of 3 years. A post-placement report is simply a report that is written by our social worker, detailing our son's well-being and progress in his new family/home.
Please pray for a court date to come soon, so we can become a forever family as soon as possible!
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