The Wonder of Christmas

This one is for Carrie and Amanda...

Wow! This month passed by so quickly! Is tomorrow really New Year's Eve already? I never planned on taking a month off from blogging, but clearly that is exactly what happened.

This year was different from any other Christmas I have ever experienced as a mother. This year, I was painfully aware that the childlike wonder of Christmas is almost over for my oldest three already. I spent every moment of December just trying to soak it all in with them, and it was just wonderful! Our time was spent baking, playing in the snow, singing Christmas carols around the piano together, driving around looking at Christmas lights, shopping and wrapping gifts for family and friends, and talking about what it must have been like that to be Mary or Joseph during the time of Jesus' birth. Understanding of the miracle of Christmas is beginning to take shape in the minds of my oldest three, and I know that their childlike wonder is being replaced with something even better... a deep awe for the gift God gave all of us

For Caleb, the childlike wonder of Christmas began this year. Caleb fell in love with all things Christmas and quickly learned countless songs, learned more about the Christmas story, and just LOVED his visit to Santa. Just like last year, Caleb answered quickly and clearly when Santa asked what he wanted for Christmas. He looked Santa squarely in the eyes and said, "I want drums, please". When Santa asked if he had been good, he looked down and said nothing. Mommy and Daddy had to tell Santa that yes, Caleb had been a good boy this year and that he had made some mistakes, but that he is always learning and improving. Santa agreed that this is indeed what he is wanting to hear, and that Caleb would be getting his drums. And so Caleb got drums for Christmas and has been filling our house with "music" ever since. Thanks, Santa!!! :0)

Merry belated Christmas to you all and may you be filled with Christmas JOY each and every day of the New Year!

Referral Day

2 years ago today, I laid eyes on my baby for the very first time. What an incredible moment that was! I so wish I could describe in words the joy of that day. D and I had spent 2 years trying to find the answers to so many questions... Where was our son? How would we find him? When would we hear news of him? Was our son being cared for? What would he look like? How old was he? What if we didn't recognize him? ... All of these questions were answered in a fleeting moment 2 years ago on this day. One moment, I did not know the answers to any of the questions, and the next moment, I knew all that mattered was that I had just seen my son for the very first time and that I finally knew where I needed to go to get him! I could not get on that plane fast enough!

Caleb Dmitriy, I am so thankful God chose us to be your Mama and Papa... out of all the parents He could have chosen for you! We will always cherish the miraculous way in which God brought us together. You are such a blessing to us!

Before it Snows...

Thought I'd try to get some photos of C playing in the leaves before it snows. Around these parts, that could be any day now...

Wish I Could Learn a Foreign Language Like That!

I put this on here because I am continually amazed at what Caleb has learned in the past year. When I listen to him, it is amazing to me that he once spoke only Russian and that was the case just one short year ago! Incredible...

50% Halloween

Caleb doing his best Pluto howl

Well, this picture pretty much tells it all if you look closely at Riley in the background. I had worried about the kids getting sick (their school had an extremely high absentee rate all week last week), and just when I thought it was "in the bag" that they would get to go Trick-or-Treating, it all unraveled quickly right before my eyes. This picture was taken just a few minutes before we were to set off for Trick-or-Treating. Ashley and Riley never made it. Not long after this picture was taken, both of my girls were sound asleep in their beds. Poor things! They were so sick :0( They didn't even care that they completely missed the best part of Halloween.

The boys, on the other hand, had a blast! The girls have since recovered and their brothers have ever so sweetly been sharing their candy with them. We're all extremely grateful the girls have made a speedy and complete recovery!

Fall Y'All!

We finally got a decent day to go to the farm last weekend! We had a blast! The hit this year was the kettle corn station, where we got to watch kettle corn being made. After that, we ate LOTS of kettle corn...YUM!!!!!!! The kids also picked pumpkins and enjoyed the animals. There were plenty of kittens to play with this year! Caleb wasn't so sure what he thought of them. The first time one of the kittens pounced on his leg, the look on his face was priceless :0)

Stay tuned for the big Jack-O-Lantern reveal!

Thanksgiving preview!

A Plain Old Trip to the Gas Station

Yesterday, I needed gas for my car. I decided to wait to get it until after I picked Caleb up from school, so he could come with me and get a treat if he had behaved in school (we have had a little trouble with C not obeying his new teacher, so we have started rewarding him for a certain # of good reports). As it turned out, C had indeed earned his treat (yippee :0)!!) and we were off to the gas station. To be completely honest, I was so proud of C for behaving well, but I was also nervous about going into the gas station. C usually becomes easily overwhelmed in a new place, especially a small store, chock full of tempting items and people. The thing that causes me the most tension in places like a gas station is C tends to dart away from me extremely quickly and I can lose sight of him really easily. Those situations always give me flashbacks to the time we spent in Russia, where I lived in a state of panic (over the fear of losing my son in a foreign country) for the entire week and a half (even while I was sleeping).
Anyway... we went in, I told C what he could pick, he picked it, and we went to the counter to pay. As we were paying, it suddenly dawned on me! I had, just at that moment, realized that C had stayed with me the entire time we had been in there. I had never had to chase him, I hadn't had to force him to hold my hand... I hadn't even said a word to him about staying with me. As we stood there at the counter, C just chatted away to me and really seemed to be relaxed and enjoying himself. I have never seen him so relaxed... and so ... normal in a situation like that.

Wow!

I am beyond thrilled that C is showing signs of being able to enjoy something as simple as going to the gas station with his Mommy to pick out a well-deserved treat :0)

Sneak Peek into Caleb's Future

Here's what Caleb said to me out of the blue in the car yesterday (this is mainly going to make sense to people who go to church with us- for those who don't, Chuck is the contemporary music worship leader at our church)...

Caleb: "Mommy, when I grow up, I want to help people."

Me: "That's great buddy! You mean like Daddy?"

Caleb: "Yeah, like Daddy do. He helps lots of peoples."

Me: "Yes he does, buddy. That's awesome that you care about people so much."

Caleb: "Yeah, I do care about peoples. You know what else?"

Me: "What, buddy?"

Caleb: "I also want to be Chuck."

Me: "You mean you want to play music and sing for a church like Chuck does when you're big?"

Caleb: No, I want to BE Chuck!"

Watch out, Chuck! Someone wants to take not only your job, but your identity!

Where Did September Go?

Is it really Ocrober already? How did that happen? The last few weeks have been so busy... the last days of summer and swimming, Caleb's dedication (I'll have to post about that- it was awesome!), D is teaching a class for the fall semester, fall festivals (Andrew got to ride in the parade in one of the squad cars this year), making s'mores in the backyard, the start of the hockey season, lots of homework, flu shots, and the first cold of the season (comes early here in the Midwest).

Ashley and Riley enjoy the last day of swimming with friends


Riley and her cool butterfly face painting she had done at the JDRF walk

Caleb did NOT like the loud sirens during the parade


Caleb LOVES motorcycles, so this ride thrilled him!

Dennis thought it would be a great idea to send me on this ride with the kids (it was called the tornado and yes, I am deathly afraid of tornados- Robin, you would have tossed your cookies for sure!). Clearly, this is a before picture.

Andrew rode in the squad car in the parade



The fire looks like it is about to burn Caleb up, but I promise you, it was perfectly safe!

Caleb does not see the sense in waiting to roast the marshmellows!

Snakes!

Here's a first for Caleb I have not been anxiously awaiting...

First time holding a snake.

Grandpa F. took the boys to a snake show recently. This picture really captures Caleb's enthusiasm for snakes, don't you think?

Glad that first is over with and I never had to watch it!

NOW PLAYINGTo Russia with love 1:29

Mute the music below and check out this inspiring story of a teenage boy from MD, who was adopted from Krasnoyarsk as a baby (be sure to watch the CNN heroes link in the previous post as well). I pray that someday Caleb can have the same sentiment about the city and country where he spent the first two years of his life. We have always planned on bringing him back to visit when he turns 16, so this story really struck a chord in my heart and brought tears to my eyes.

NOW PLAYING
To Russia with love 1:29

NOW PLAYINGCNN Heroes: Alex Griffith 1:37

NOW PLAYING
CNN Heroes: Alex Griffith 1:37

JOY!

I was looking through some pictures today and was reminded of this one, which was taken last year on Caleb's first full day home. As soon as everyone was awake that morning, we all went outside to fill our pool (we had promised our girls while we were in Russia that would be the very first thing we would do when we returned home). I just love this picture, because it is the very first moment I had ever seen true JOY on my baby's face... and it was captured forever in a photograph.

What an awesome moment that was!

Time for a Date?

Last night in the car, D and I were trying to have a meaningful conversation. The kids were in the car, so this was not successful. Two of the kids were crying, one was singing at the top of his lungs, and the fourth child insisted on continually interrupting. My husband's response to this type of situation is usually to give up on the conversation between the two of us altogether and last night was no exception. This left me feeling frustrated, so after about 5 minutes of brooding I said,

"I need a date."

After a moment, D looked at me and in complete seriousness said,

"With who?"

Can't Wait to See This Movie!

This movie looks like it will be AMAZING! I can't wait to see it!

MANDISA - "He Is With You"

This is a truly inspiring song and video. Check it out...

The Sweetest of Firsts

Just wanted to share two really awesome things that have happened in the past week or two...

1) When we were in the parking lot a few days ago, Caleb reached for my hand and held it tightly all on his own. He even looked up at me with a big, sweet smile. This was the first time he has ever reached for my hand. For the past year, the parking lot has been a huge cause of contention between us, and I usually end up carrying him because he refuses to walk with me or hold my hand (he prefers to run at full tilt with reckless abandon). I have lived in daily fear of my son getting hit by a car for over a year now. Even if he continues to refuse to hold my hand in the future, at least I can hold on to the memory of C CHOOSING to happily and sweetly hold my hand in the parking lot.

2) Last week, C walked right up to me and out of the blue said, 'I love you, Mama" to me and looked right into my eyes with a big adorable smile on his face... he added to the sweetness of the moment by wrapping his arms around me and giving me a long, meaningful hug. This is the first time he has ever told me he loves me on his own. Talk about melting my heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Summer Wrap-Up

Ashley climbing again- her arm is all better!
Andrew at the park



Caleb loves to go down the slide!


A day at our local zoo- they just added an entire section called "Africa"

All of the kids were so excited to be so close to the giraffes

I love when I get a pic I like of all four!

The tigers were actually moving and roaring quite a bit

Awwww! I love this one ;0)

Andrew and Riley coming down the waterslide at a local waterpark

Andrew

Andrew

Riley

Andrew, Ashley, Eryn and Riley

Birthday morning- Ashley and Riley turned 7!

Andrew got a new hat

A & R decorated their own cakes- a birthday tradition

American Girl in Chicago- Ashley and Riley's birthday wish come true :0)

Riley with her first American Girl!

It was fun to have Grandma and Grandpa there!

Ashley and Riley at American Girl

Riley


We've had an awesome summer! I just cannot believe Caleb has already spent two summers here! What a blessing it is to watch our kids learn and grow.

It is also just a little sad sometimes :0)

School starts next week, so now it's time to get ready for a wild and VERY busy fall!

Stay tuned!

A New Light

Today, I spent some time organizing all of our random electronics stuff. As I was doing this, I realized we have never shown the girls the videos from our second trip to Russia last May/June. I also realized that D and I have never watched the video we took in Russia on our second trip. On top of that, we have never watched any of the video taken on our video camera since then. As soon as I mentioned that fact out loud to Ashley, she begged me to let her watch the videos, So, of course, we watched them.... Caleb included. I cannot believe we have never watched any of this footage before. Caleb has been home for more than a year, after all! The first year really was a blur. I'm so glad we got it all on video.

Just what have we been doing?!?!?!?!?

After watching the videos, I was amazed. We have been doing soooo much! God has really been here and moving! Wow! I truly had forgotten just what C was like back then. I can't tell you how many times our therapist has said, "whenever you're feeling discouraged, don't focus on the problems you are still having, focus on how far you have come". Sounds logical, but that is so hard to do! So many days over the past year, Caleb just hasn't seemed happy. Some days, he seemed to spend ALL of his energy just pushing me away. How exhausting for a little guy! I would often ask myself (and God), "How can I show him that I love him? How can I teach him what love even IS if he won't let me in?".

I have worried and prayed and I have worried and prayed some more. I know things would have been easier if I had not indulged in the worrying thing. The truth is, though, I am a human being, and parenting a post-institutionalized child is difficult, scary and confusing. I have parented 3 other children, but just about everything I know and everything I trusted flew out the window the day C came home. For the first 2 years of his life, C did not know love. He did not know trust. He did not know much comfort He did not know touch. Especially in his first few weeks of life, touch from a grown-up came only in the form of a stick of a needle or some other uncomfortable or painful thing. Survival for him meant not allowing himself to rely on others... not allowing himself to create a bond with someone who surely would be gone soon enough. We have spent the past year chiseling away, ever so slowly, at that thick protective layer. There have been times the layer I had just chipped off has regrown, and I have had to chip through it yet again. So many times, I honestly thought we would never get anywhere... that we had not moved forward much at all.

Little did I know, we were always moving forward... I was just so deeply engrossed in the fine details that I could not see the whole picture.

Well, today I saw it, and it was amazing. I can now see Caleb's progress in a new light. The little boy in the videos is no longer. He has been replaced by a little boy who can love and trust. Who WANTS to love and trust most of the time. He no longer separates himself in a world of his very own. I know we still have a lot of work to (patiently!) do, but I also know the contrast between then and now is striking.

Even when it seemed as though C was not embracing the love we were so desperately trying to give, Jesus was there. Despite all of our inadequacies as parents, He continued to love us and gently guide us. He also continued to open C's heart. I know we often veered onto the wrong path, and that we will continue to do more of the same. Despite all of that, He will always gently nudge us back onto the path He would have for us to follow.

I am so glad we watched those videos today.

"God is our refuge and strength,
An ever-present help in trouble"
Psalms 46:1

Paka, Crib!

Well, it has finally happened...

Caleb is officially out of his crib and out of our room. He finally decided he was ready, and he has slept through the night for several nights now. I didn't blog about it at first because I didn't want to jinx it :0) Anyway, some of you may notice the sports pillowcase and wonder why it doesn't look loke he is sleeping in his bed. Well, that's because it isn't his bed...

... it's Andrew's bottom bunk. I'm pleased to report both brothers are thrilled with the arrangement and Mommy is doing just fine. The binky is next on our list!!!!!

Fun

Well, we've been having a lot of fun this summer! Here's some pics from last weekend. We spent some time with friends fishing, shooting (big boys only), and hanging out. The kids had a blast. See if you can spot something not so fun in the pictures. I'll give you a clue.... we had a broken bone incident with one of our kids about two weeks ago. Look back over the pictures and see if you can spot just who.