Summer is my most favorite season, and today was one of those perfect summer days. It had all 3 elements required...
1) The sun was shining
2) It was hot (but not too hot)
3) We got to spend a lot of time in the water
The 3 big kids were quite busy today and were not around much, so C and I got to swim in our little pool today without any yelling, splashing, etc. It was so much fun! Not that it isn't fun with all 4 of the kids, but it was great to be able to give him some one-on -one attention. He is quite the little swimmer! We started him out with water wings plus a tube just a few days ago (we didn't let him swim in the pool until last week) and he has already graduated to water wings only. His most favorite pool activity is to jump into the pool. Then he climbs out and does it all over again. He holds his breath like a pro! We just have to remind him to keep his mouth closed before he jumps in. And he already gets around on his own. We are impressed with this, as we are certain he has NEVER been swimming before. As I have stated in previous posts, he clearly fits our family- we all love to swim! Not only is swimming great exercise, but it tuckers those little ones out too (great bonus for Mommy and Daddy)!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Mommy's Lap is MINE!!!!!!
The past 2 weeks have been somewhat of a trial with C. Clearly we are in a testing phase right now and it is obvious C is starting to figure out that having a Mommy and Daddy is great most of the time, but it also means he faces restrictions and consequences he is not used to facing. During these times, he clearly thinks he can just say, "No Mommy and Daddy for me right now, thank you!". When this doesn't work, he becomes quite angry, to say the least, and really wants nothing to do with us. We know this type of behavior is normal for any 2 year-old, After all, there is a reason this year in a child's life is labeled " the terrible two's". The difference in this case is this: we are fairly confident our son could win a tantrum contest if one actually existed. And on top of that, we know he has the right (to some degree) to be throwing the tantrum.
Anyway, the point of all of this is actually positive. All of this bad behavior and tantrum-throwing has made me feel quite deflated. I have missed C wanting to be held. I actually felt like maybe we are regressing. Even worse, I have had moments of panic, fearing maybe C is not really attaching to us (even though I know logically that this is not true and that he IS attaching very well).
Well, yesterday, something wonderful happened. One of my girls was sitting on my lap and C was in the room playing. As soon as he noticed his sister was on my lap, he came right over and pushed her and said "MY lap!", and then proceeded to climb up and sit on my lap. He even waited (and cuddled with me) until she left the room to get down to play again. This behavior from any of my other kids would have frustrated me, as obviously jealously is not a trait we encourage in our kids, but I was thrilled when C did this. He clearly knows his place here now and feels confident that I belong to him.
He WANTS to be the baby- MY baby.
Anyway, the point of all of this is actually positive. All of this bad behavior and tantrum-throwing has made me feel quite deflated. I have missed C wanting to be held. I actually felt like maybe we are regressing. Even worse, I have had moments of panic, fearing maybe C is not really attaching to us (even though I know logically that this is not true and that he IS attaching very well).
Well, yesterday, something wonderful happened. One of my girls was sitting on my lap and C was in the room playing. As soon as he noticed his sister was on my lap, he came right over and pushed her and said "MY lap!", and then proceeded to climb up and sit on my lap. He even waited (and cuddled with me) until she left the room to get down to play again. This behavior from any of my other kids would have frustrated me, as obviously jealously is not a trait we encourage in our kids, but I was thrilled when C did this. He clearly knows his place here now and feels confident that I belong to him.
He WANTS to be the baby- MY baby.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Freedom On The Other Side
A quick update...
The visit with the social worker went so well! Even though we all lacked sleep and weren't feeling our best, it turned out O.K. anyway (who would have guessed?). The house was even pretty clean- a true miracle (O.K., maybe it wasn't so clean, but the social worker didn't trip over anything, so that's good, right?!).
It was an awesome moment to have our social worker and C sitting in the same room together. Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a big moment for me. We are now officially on the home from Russia side of things now. I don't have to dread the paperwork now... C is HERE!!!
I am no longer afraid of the phone ringing (or not ringing).
I no longer have to fear the weekends and holidays (because they are not business days and they only served to slow the adoption process).
I no longer have to dread getting an E-mail that we need to turn in "just one more document" (including notary and apostille) A.S.A.P.
All of these realizations are so freeing (and a little delayed, I know :0).
I even got brave and put about half of our adoption paperwork in the shred pile downstairs. I haven't ACTUALLY shredded any of it it yet... but I will!
Oh my... being home with my son is the most wonderful gift! Things aren't perfect (and I am FAR from being the perfect Mommy), but we are HERE, and my bond with my son is growing deeper everyday.
Thank you, God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The visit with the social worker went so well! Even though we all lacked sleep and weren't feeling our best, it turned out O.K. anyway (who would have guessed?). The house was even pretty clean- a true miracle (O.K., maybe it wasn't so clean, but the social worker didn't trip over anything, so that's good, right?!).
It was an awesome moment to have our social worker and C sitting in the same room together. Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a big moment for me. We are now officially on the home from Russia side of things now. I don't have to dread the paperwork now... C is HERE!!!
I am no longer afraid of the phone ringing (or not ringing).
I no longer have to fear the weekends and holidays (because they are not business days and they only served to slow the adoption process).
I no longer have to dread getting an E-mail that we need to turn in "just one more document" (including notary and apostille) A.S.A.P.
All of these realizations are so freeing (and a little delayed, I know :0).
I even got brave and put about half of our adoption paperwork in the shred pile downstairs. I haven't ACTUALLY shredded any of it it yet... but I will!
Oh my... being home with my son is the most wonderful gift! Things aren't perfect (and I am FAR from being the perfect Mommy), but we are HERE, and my bond with my son is growing deeper everyday.
Thank you, God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Teething Time
Most of the time I love teeth. But today I am NOT a fan... I don't have a single baby in my house (O.K., one might kinda qualify, but the others aren't even close), and yet I find myself with three teething children. Three! At the same time! Not good. One is cutting 2 two-year molars and 2 are cutting 4 six-year molars. Teething in my house means terrible behavior during the day, little sleep at night (which would explain the daytime behavior), thrashing while said child IS actually asleep, diaper rash for those in diapers, lack of appetite, gastrointestinal problems, etc. Teething is nasty for my poor children :0(
This has been our life for the past week now.
C cut his bottom 2-year molars in Russia- the first tip of the first one cut the day after we picked him up from the orphanage. He had a huge hematoma on his gum. Poor guy! Both finally finished cutting the day after we arrived home (they came in quickly, so that is the silver lining in this story). I have been holding my breath waiting for the other 2 molars to show themselves ever since we came home. I'm so glad C got a break during the first few weeks home, so he could adjust to being home!
I find it fascinating that so many of my girlfriends don't even seem to know when their kids are cutting teeth. How could that be???? That is not the case in my house. No, it is VERY evident and could not possibly escape anyone who comes into contact with my kids during teething time. Hmmm... C fits right in! (Sidenote: It's amazing how C fits in so many detailed ways- details that no human being would or could ever know. God is amazing, isn't He?)
Anyway, we had a bad teething night last night. And, of course, my husband was not home (funny how it almost always seems to happen that way). I even gave C some Motrin before bed b/c he was really struggling yesterday. Even so, he cried a bit at 11:00 P.M. Then a different child (not related to teething) had a bad dream at midnight. Then C was wide awake and really crying hard at 2:30 A.M. Amazingly, this did not awaken any of the other kids. I had him settled down (Tylenol and ice water) around 3:30. Asleep at 3:45. I was just falling asleep at 4:00 when Ash climbed into my bed and announced that she could not sleep. Her gums were aching. More Motrin (and an empty bottle- better get some more before tonight rolls around!!). C woke up crying again at 4:15. Came into bed with Ash and me. C clearly thought there was a party b/c Ash would not be quiet- can't blame him. C asleep at 5:30. Put C in his bed because Ash was still talking. Ash asleep at 6:15. Daddy home at 6:30. Daddy let Mommy sleep until 9:00 A.M. God bless Daddy! Daddy asleep 9:05 and Mommy starts her day getting the house and children clean for the social worker's first post placement visit today.
That's right, the social worker is coming today. Funny, huh?
This has been our life for the past week now.
C cut his bottom 2-year molars in Russia- the first tip of the first one cut the day after we picked him up from the orphanage. He had a huge hematoma on his gum. Poor guy! Both finally finished cutting the day after we arrived home (they came in quickly, so that is the silver lining in this story). I have been holding my breath waiting for the other 2 molars to show themselves ever since we came home. I'm so glad C got a break during the first few weeks home, so he could adjust to being home!
I find it fascinating that so many of my girlfriends don't even seem to know when their kids are cutting teeth. How could that be???? That is not the case in my house. No, it is VERY evident and could not possibly escape anyone who comes into contact with my kids during teething time. Hmmm... C fits right in! (Sidenote: It's amazing how C fits in so many detailed ways- details that no human being would or could ever know. God is amazing, isn't He?)
Anyway, we had a bad teething night last night. And, of course, my husband was not home (funny how it almost always seems to happen that way). I even gave C some Motrin before bed b/c he was really struggling yesterday. Even so, he cried a bit at 11:00 P.M. Then a different child (not related to teething) had a bad dream at midnight. Then C was wide awake and really crying hard at 2:30 A.M. Amazingly, this did not awaken any of the other kids. I had him settled down (Tylenol and ice water) around 3:30. Asleep at 3:45. I was just falling asleep at 4:00 when Ash climbed into my bed and announced that she could not sleep. Her gums were aching. More Motrin (and an empty bottle- better get some more before tonight rolls around!!). C woke up crying again at 4:15. Came into bed with Ash and me. C clearly thought there was a party b/c Ash would not be quiet- can't blame him. C asleep at 5:30. Put C in his bed because Ash was still talking. Ash asleep at 6:15. Daddy home at 6:30. Daddy let Mommy sleep until 9:00 A.M. God bless Daddy! Daddy asleep 9:05 and Mommy starts her day getting the house and children clean for the social worker's first post placement visit today.
That's right, the social worker is coming today. Funny, huh?
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Some Pics We Love!
What is going on here??? This is C trying to figure out what a balloon launch is all about...
Just plain silliness!
He was supposed to be showing his muscles, but turned into a dinosaur!
Just plain sweet! C with his favorite Mishka (teddy bear). 
C is full of joy!
Sprinkler time- C was in heaven!
C after his sisters got ahold of him... What do you think Daddy's reaction was?Monday, July 07, 2008
A Struggle With Forgiveness
Tonight I struggle with something I have struggled with for weeks and I know this will not be the end of my struggle... I am praying for the ability to forgive.
A little background.
Today was a wonderful day. C had such a great day- he was happy, learned several new words, had tons of fun, and didn't throw a single fit (this is a VERY big deal). I was so thrilled. He even let me hold him a ton today and he really relaxed. There were several times when he even spent quite a bit of time gazing into my eyes and saying "Mama, Mama". He says this very softly, with his big blue eyes gazing up at me, and repeats it over and over again, as if he is trying to grasp the reality and the wonder of what it is to finally and truly have a Mama for REAL. While he is doing this, I am trying to keep from crying. The love that wells up inside of me for this little boy- MY SON- is amazing. I have felt this same feeling with my other three children. It is a fierce love, a protective love, a completely unconditional love. These moments give me a glimpse right into God's heart... how He loves US. And yet, He loves us even more than that. It is hard to even imagine.
On to the issue of bedtime.
I have mentioned before that C struggles with bedtime. It is incredibly difficult for him to relax. He struggles with any form of human touch. It is clear he is used to crying himself to sleep. Some formerly institutionalized kids rock, others hit their heads on the crib rails... our child screams. The very first night he spent with us, he screamed his little heart out as I held him tightly (I had to hold him- if I hadn't, he would have walked right out of that holtel, never to return. He had already successfully left twice. Yes, the door was locked and no, there was no chain).
And that is when my struggle with forgiveness began. It angered to me to my core that my son should have to be forced to be rocked to sleep by his Mama. And that the two years devoid of love caused him to detest it so. That is just so fundamentally wrong! The 2 years of learning about bonding and attachment did nothing to prepare me for the raw emotions I felt that night.
Since that first night, I have only revisited those feelings of unforgiveness in fleeting moments. God has protected me from them. But now it is time to go deeper and truly forgive.
Most nights recently have been pretty good, so I think I had convinced myself that I had been able to at least mostly forgive my son's past for causing him this present pain and difficulty. And for the future pain his past will cause him. As much as I desperately yearn to, I cannot erase the abandonment he has experienced. I know full well that only our Father in Heaven can do that.
On to tonight.
Tonight was awful. It took over an hour to rock my son to sleep. And during all that time, my other (precious and very patient) three waited for their Mommy to come and put them to bed. C screamed more than he ever has and wanted nothing to do with being held. As he screamed, the seething anger welled up inside of me. I was not angry at him, no... I was angry FOR him.
So now I am on bended knee, knowing that I must forgive completely. I know I cannot do this on my own. I cannot be angry, or this anger will be passed on to my son. I cannot be unforgiving, because not only will that cause bitterness in my heart, but over the years, it will cause bitterness in my son's heart as well.
Lord, I give this anger and bitterness to you.
I lay it all down at your feet.
Please help me to forgive fully and completely.
In your precious name,
Amen
A little background.
Today was a wonderful day. C had such a great day- he was happy, learned several new words, had tons of fun, and didn't throw a single fit (this is a VERY big deal). I was so thrilled. He even let me hold him a ton today and he really relaxed. There were several times when he even spent quite a bit of time gazing into my eyes and saying "Mama, Mama". He says this very softly, with his big blue eyes gazing up at me, and repeats it over and over again, as if he is trying to grasp the reality and the wonder of what it is to finally and truly have a Mama for REAL. While he is doing this, I am trying to keep from crying. The love that wells up inside of me for this little boy- MY SON- is amazing. I have felt this same feeling with my other three children. It is a fierce love, a protective love, a completely unconditional love. These moments give me a glimpse right into God's heart... how He loves US. And yet, He loves us even more than that. It is hard to even imagine.
On to the issue of bedtime.
I have mentioned before that C struggles with bedtime. It is incredibly difficult for him to relax. He struggles with any form of human touch. It is clear he is used to crying himself to sleep. Some formerly institutionalized kids rock, others hit their heads on the crib rails... our child screams. The very first night he spent with us, he screamed his little heart out as I held him tightly (I had to hold him- if I hadn't, he would have walked right out of that holtel, never to return. He had already successfully left twice. Yes, the door was locked and no, there was no chain).
And that is when my struggle with forgiveness began. It angered to me to my core that my son should have to be forced to be rocked to sleep by his Mama. And that the two years devoid of love caused him to detest it so. That is just so fundamentally wrong! The 2 years of learning about bonding and attachment did nothing to prepare me for the raw emotions I felt that night.
Since that first night, I have only revisited those feelings of unforgiveness in fleeting moments. God has protected me from them. But now it is time to go deeper and truly forgive.
Most nights recently have been pretty good, so I think I had convinced myself that I had been able to at least mostly forgive my son's past for causing him this present pain and difficulty. And for the future pain his past will cause him. As much as I desperately yearn to, I cannot erase the abandonment he has experienced. I know full well that only our Father in Heaven can do that.
On to tonight.
Tonight was awful. It took over an hour to rock my son to sleep. And during all that time, my other (precious and very patient) three waited for their Mommy to come and put them to bed. C screamed more than he ever has and wanted nothing to do with being held. As he screamed, the seething anger welled up inside of me. I was not angry at him, no... I was angry FOR him.
So now I am on bended knee, knowing that I must forgive completely. I know I cannot do this on my own. I cannot be angry, or this anger will be passed on to my son. I cannot be unforgiving, because not only will that cause bitterness in my heart, but over the years, it will cause bitterness in my son's heart as well.
Lord, I give this anger and bitterness to you.
I lay it all down at your feet.
Please help me to forgive fully and completely.
In your precious name,
Amen
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Life as a Family of Six
Trip to the parkThe past week has been full of new adventures for C! The past few days have also brought some great opportunities for sibling bonding. It's awesome to watch all four of our kids play and have fun together. We have been talking to the older three about their baby brother for two years now, so for them to actually get to get to know him and grow to love him in person is a real blessing! A, Ash, and Beans have been so faithful and have sacrificed so much- and now they get to see that it was all worth it... my heart nearly bursts every time they tell me how much they love him. Not that they don't fight and have their moments of jealousy, they do (of course), but it honestly has been so much less than I envisioned it could be. I have prayed for two years that God would grow a deep love for their baby brother inside of their hearts (and I know many of you have prayed the same prayer for just as long), and God is faithful! We feel like C has been part of our family all along... and, really he has. Even though C has not physically been with us since he was born, he has been in our hearts and minds from the time God was forming him in his birthmother's womb. I'm in awe every time I think about all of it. The way God orchestrated it all... it takes my breath away.
C REALLY loved the park!
C having a blast with Beans...
Mother Hen (Ash) leads the way!
C looked on as big brother showed him the proper rock wall climbing technique
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)