If Only For a Season

In May of 2006, I met David. He was 2 years old and had beautiful dark brown hair, soulful eyes, and such a quiet, sweet disposition. I was captivated by him immediately. David had just been adopted from China. His big brother played baseball with Andrew that summer, so I got to watch him play and begin to bond with his forever family at practices and games every week for the entire season.

When I first met David, I was still trying desperately to find a way out of what God was calling us as a family to do. I was afraid. I had so many arguments and reasons why adoption was not a good idea. Once I met David, though, I knew my son was REAL, just as David was real. It was impressed upon my heart that my very own son was living right at that very moment, and he was as real as David was. All of a sudden, all of my arguments against God's plan and will for our lives seemed ridiculous. How could I NOT bring our son home? That was simply unthinkable. Little did I know, during those very weeks, my youngest son was born and given over to an orphanage far away in Siberia, Russia. As my heart fell in love with him, with the help of a little boy named David, my son's need for a forever family was set in stone.

As baseball season wore on, I began to see David in a new light... I began to see my own son. I could flash forward in my mind to HIS first summer at home. As I watched David play with his brother and sisters, I could see MY son playing with HIS brother and sisters. I remember the first time I ever heard David say "Mom! Watch!", I could hear MY son saying, "Mama, watch me!". By the end of baseball season, I was ready to do whatever it would take to bring my baby home.

Just after baseball season ended in the summer of 2006, David died. He drowned in the lake behind his home. My husband called to tell me the news. Even though I never knew them well at all, I wept for the family of this precious little boy. I felt intimately connected to them. God had used their witness to change my heart. I vowed that day to always pray for David's family... to never forget. To this day, my precious son, who was born on the other side of the world, serves as a forever reminder of a beautiful little boy named David. Caleb was also 2 years-old when he came home, and one of his favorite things to do in the first weeks home was to watch his big brother play baseball.

I will never truly understand in this lifetime why God allowed David to be here for only a season. For the time being, though, I know what I am sure is only a small part of the answer...he was the angel who opened my heart and forever changed our lives.

Thank you, David. We will never forget you.

Extraordinary Love

Before C came home last year, I used to worry about how our other 3 kids would receive him when he finally joined our family. I used to hear things like, "Mommy, you can never play with me because you are always doing adoption paperwork" and "I don't want C to come home because then I won't be your baby anymore". My kids weren't trying to be mean or hateful by saying those things to me, they were just being blatently honest in typical kid-fashion. I also heard countless amazingly loving comments before C came home too. Despite the fact that the positive commentary outweighed the negative commentary by a landslide, I could not stop worrying. I used to wonder, "How will it be once their brother is finally home?". I knew C would require huge amounts of attention for quite some time and I also knew it would be a struggle simply because C didn't speak English and wasn't used to living in a home with a family. I prayed daily that the hearts of my 3 oldest children would be open to loving their little brother. I know so many others prayed the same prayer regularly. I now know that made all the difference.

After we arrived home with C, I waited for the honeymoon period to be over and for the war to begin. Of course, the older 3 kids adored their baby brother at first- I expected that. After about 3 months, though, I thought, "Surely it will come soon". At that point, C was still requiring almost all of my attention and his behavior was pretty much sure to interrupt anything I ever tried to do with the older 3 kids. He also regularly broke their things, screamed at them, hit and bit them, stole their food and messed up their rooms. But it still didn't come. In fact, my other kids seemed to adore C more and more with each passing month.

At this point, I am no longer waiting for the jealousy to begin, because I know it is not coming. I simply sit back in awe of what I see and hear everyday. I'm not saying the older 3 treat C perfectly and that there is never any jealousy or that they are never mean to him... they are KIDS after all. I am saying, though, that they have a compassion for him like I have never seen in a sibling relationship before. If he is hurt, I have heard them say they feel it too. If he is sad, sometimes their world seems to halt until they can make him happy again. We have a seating schedule for the car so every kid gets to sit next to their beloved little brother. I have even seen one of my girls cry for his birthmother before.

The other day, Ashley got a treat for a job well done. It was her most favorite candy, and she was really looking forward to eating it. As soon as C saw it, he whined and said he wanted it. His sister handed it to him and said sweetly, "You can have it C". I have never seen her do such a thing for her other siblings before... share it, yes, but just give the entire thing over? Never.

Today, we opened our pool. The kids have been VERY anxiously awaiting the chance to swim in it. A few days ago, C had been repeatedly misbehaving, so we told him he would have to take a 15 minute time-out from swimming as soon as our pool opened. Even though we had reminded him of it several times since the punishment was decided, C still got caught up in the moment and forgot about the punishment. As one would expect, he began to wail as soon as we reminded him. After about 30 seconds, Andrew said, "Don't cry C, I'll sit in time out with you... then you won't be alone". Wow! I had to hide my tears after that offer!

Tonight, C hit his head REALLY hard on our armoire door and got a deep puncture wound (don't worry, Grandmas, the ER doctor just glued it together). While Daddy and C were at the ER, Riley said she couldn't go to sleep because she felt sick to her stomach and that her head was hurting "because Caleb hit his head and that must hurt so much". She fell asleep crying and insisted I wake her up as soon as I heard from her Daddy about how he was doing.

I am moved every day by the love Andrew, Ashley and Riley have for their little brother. Our attachment therapist once said, "Caleb has had a difficult transition, but God knew just what he needed to heal... so He gave him not just parents who love him deeply, but 3 siblings who love and cherish him beyond anyone's wildest expectations."

She was so right. I'm so glad God knows what He's doing :0)

Caleb Gets His Own Room!

Yesterday was a BIG day! The carpet finally got put in Caleb's room! One hour later, it was all set up and C was sooooooooo excited :0) The dog was pretty happy about it too! Daddy did a great job! As you can see, the walls still are completely bare and there is still some furniture needed, but as far as C is concerned, the room is fabulous! Eventually, we plan to have the Russian and American flags (maybe pictures or paintings of them?) up on the walls. All C cares about is that he has a place to call his own with a big boy bed and toys!!!!!! Not that he has actually slept in that bed yet, but he will when he's ready. For now, he is welcome to sleep in his crib in Mommy and Daddy's room, but we know soon he'll decide he doesn't want to sleep in our room anymore.

When that day comes, it will be a good day and a sad day all rolled into one :0) )0:

A Forever Family Celebration

June 11th was our Forever Family Day! Gotcha Day (the day we picked C up from the orphanage) will always be very important to us, but June 11th was the day we finally got to be HOME and ALL together. So it is a day we will always celebrate. I will never forget our first day home last year. It was like a switch was flipped inside of C and he was suddenly smiling and laughing and seemed genuinely happy for the first time since we had picked him up from the orphanage. I really do think he knew he was finally home.

Anyway, for Forever Family Day this year, we decided to surprise the kids and take them on a road trip to visit family in the Washington D.C. area and to spend some time at the museums downtown. D and I packed everything while the kids were sleeping the night before the last day of school. On the last day of school (the day before Forever Family Day), C was invited (by the sweet bus driver) to ride on the bus with the big kids. C was soooooo excited- he had watched the 3 big kids get on the bus all year long and had always wanted to get on with them. So he and I rode on the bus (he LOVED every second of it) and when we returned, the car was packed and ready to go. The kids were so surprised and just thrilled when they found out where we were going. We had a wonderful trip out East! Washington D.C. was so much fun and the kids also got to do a lot of swimming and playing with their cousins. We got some great pics...

Last day of school

Caleb about to get on the bus

So cute!

A few hours into the trip





In the mountains of MD

Playing with cousins

Reminds me of the pic we took of Andrew in Russia in front of St. Basil's


Museum of Natural History- the kids LOVED this museum


Riley in the Metro

Caleb at the National Air and Space Museum- see the Russian missile behind him? There were actually people speaking Russian right behind us and I said to him, "Do you hear them talking? They're speaking Russian". He gave me a completely blank look and said, "What?????".





Riley- I love this pic



Riley posing with the Wright Brothers

Andrew- nobody wanted to pose with him... they were all VERY tired and grumpy by then

So I took this pic so I could prove we had actually been downtown

Swimming at Grandma and Grandpa's pool

Climbing (NOT Moving) Mountains

Gotcha Day- May 30th, 2008

The picture above was taken in the orphanage in Russia last year, just minutes before we took Caleb into our custody. You can clearly tell in this picture that C did not yet understand that we were going to take him away. He thought it was fun to get dressed in his very own clothes and play with his balloon (one of the caregivers gave him a balloon to keep as she was saying goodbye to him). Just after this picture was taken, we went into the director's office to thank her and say goodbye. Galina is an amazing woman, with smiling eyes and a compassionate smile. We could tell in all of our interactions with her that she loves the children in her care a great deal, so it was really hard to know just how to thank her for all she did for our son. There really are no adequate words... I still think of her and pray for her everyday, and C still talks about her.

While we were in the director's office, she played with C's hair and kissed him goodbye, while telling him goodbye in Russian. As she was doing this, I saw the look of happiness on C's face quickly turn to deep worry and panic. He started to wiggle wildly in my arms, trying to get away and stop what he seemed to know was about to happen. At this moment, I knew HE KNEW. Maybe he didn't understand everything, but he knew what Galina was saying. I knew there was no way he could truly understand, but I so desperately wished he could. At that moment, he was getting a forever family, something all children need and something he had never physically had. What an amazing moment! But to C, all it meant was that he was going away from the only home he had ever known with some nice people who spoke in some crazy way he didn't understand. On top of that, we were telling him that we were going for a ride in a car. At that point in time, he had no memory of ever doing such a thing, since the last time he was in a car was when he was just a few weeks old. As far as he was concerned, cars were for other people to ride in and for him to watch out the window of the orphanage.

Shortly after saying goodbye to the director, we went outside to the waiting van and stood in front of the orphanage to have our picture taken. Of course, we were beyond thrilled to finally be able to care for our son... to finally be able to hold him, to kiss him, to tell him how much we love him. I had yearned for that. I had cried rivers of tears for that. But at the same time, my heart was just breaking. I knew my son had just begun a mourning period and my mommy heart wanted to take all of the fear away... not just the fear he was feeling right then, but all of the fear I knew was still to come.

Gotcha Day 2008- Outside the orphanage

Once we got back to the hotel in Krasnoyarsk that day, C began the task of trying to make sense of what was happening and adjusting to his new surroundings. He was excited, of course, and really loved playing with us and exploring. He also loved eating dinner with us. As soon as that was done and he began to get tired, however, he began to cry and restlessly pace the hotel room. Every few minutes, he would go to the door and open it, saying "edom (let's go), edom!", with an urgency in his voice. We would then have to shut the door and try to distract him from leaving, which just made him cry and become even more determined to get his point across. this went on for about 2 hours. It was clear to us that he was saying, "O.K. guys, it's been fun, but I'm ready to go home now". Nothing comforted him... in fact, he didn't even want to be touched. We finally decided to help C to end his misery and put him to bed. As soon as I picked C up and shut the bedroom door, he started screaming. He screamed and fought with all his might for what seemed an eternity, all the while screaming, "edom!". I held C the entire time and whispered, "Don't be scared, Mama's here" and "I love you" in Russian. The rest of the time, I silently prayed for him. After about 10 minutes, I couldn't hold it in any longer and I began to cry. We cried together for about 10 or 15 minutes more, Caleb and I. Finally C fell asleep, a sweet relief for us both.

Caleb, sweaty and asleep on Gotcha Day

That was one year ago. C and I have cried together too many times to count since then. I learned that day that living for the first 2 years of life without a family can leave so much more of an impact than I had ever imagined. The orphanage may not be something we would have ever considered a home, but it was home to our son for 2 years... and he preferred that home and the way things were done there over our home and the way we do things most of the time in our early days together. Eating, playing, sleeping, talking, touching (or lack of touching)... it's all so very different. I just assumed C would naturally blend into our family. Despite all the reading I had done and all of the pre-adoption workshops we had attended, I still didn't understand that helping C to adapt to our family would include a LOT of tears and countless nights of feeling like the worst mommy in the world because I couldn't comfort my son.

I tell this story because it is REAL. My account is how it really happened. Not that it happens that way for all families... it doesn't. But I am telling the story because for some, this IS how it happens. And if anyone reads this and identifies with it, I want you to know 2 things:

First of all, you are NOT alone.

And secondly, get on your knees and don't give up. God will lift you and your child up and carry you through to healing, though the healing may not come as quickly as you had hoped / expected and it may not look exactly as you had envisioned.

God has moved mountains for us. He has expected us to climb many others. He has woven us together as a family. He has changed our hearts forever. He has given us a deep love and concern for ALL orphans. I wanted it to happen right away. I wanted it to happen without struggle. I wanted all of the mountains to move out of our way.

That was not God's plan.

Now I see that His plan could have not been more perfect.

Countdown to Summer

We are now in the home stretch! Just 3 more full days of school until it is officially summer for our older three. Our house is full of excitement and anticipation. Most of the other kids around here are already done, so our kids are more than ready ;0) All of the kids had a great school year and worked hard. We are so proud of them!
As far as Caleb goes, it's so hard to believe this will be his second summer here. He is our outdoor boy, so I am thrilled for him that summer is finally here! It's hard to get him to slow down and come inside to eat or sleep, but it makes me so happy to watch him having so much fun!

Note: I just had to put the kids' most favorite song on here. Caleb just loves it... I often hear him singing it to himself (he can't help it that Miley Cyrus is his favorite singer- just remember, he has 2 sisters)!

It was almost 90 degrees the other day, so the kids got a little summer preview