The Dance

I remember reading a blog post a long time ago on another adoptive mom's blog. She entitled the post "The Dance". In this particular post, she was describing how the adopted post-institutionalized child and the parent must go through many trials and much practice before they can learn to "dance" with one another. She went on to describe how the child and the parent are , in the beginning, from two entirely different worlds. They come into the parent-child relationship almost polar-opposite expectations and routines... and yet, they must somehow learn to make their relationship work.

At first, the relationship is often dischordant... a battle of two very developed and defined wills. Neither wants to give in to the other. One does not understand the other. The parent wants the child to surrender and conform... to WANT to be loved. The child wants the parent to stop threatening his very survival by taking the one thing he owns, which is control. He does not know what love is... so why would he want it?

Over time, the parent must consistently SHOW the child love. That it is safe. That it is what God wants for him. The parent must also endure consistent rejection, but continue to press on. The parent must demonstrate and continually offer UNCONDITIONAL love, not expecting anything in return. The parent does this for what seems like an eternity, and then...

a MIRACLE happens.

The child starts to return affection. He begins to demonstrate a desire for boundaries. A peace fills his little soul. It is evident in everything he says and does.

For the first time, the child reaches out to the parent...

And the parent returns the embrace.

And they DANCE.

It is an absolutely INCREDIBLE moment the first time it happens.

And even more amazing when the parent realizes the deeply woven bond is FOREVER.

My son and I have weathered our journey together with the help of God's constant love. I know this is not how it is for all families, but this is how it was and is for us. We still have some issues to work on, but I know we can overcome the remaining obstacles because C and I will face them together. Rather than pushing away, I can feel him drawing closer every day.

Thank you, Lord for teaching us to DANCE!