I have to be honest... I have allowed fear and frustration to creep into my heart over the past few days. It began on Thursday, when we got an E-mail saying we need to turn in 3 more documents before we can get a court date (still waiting for the petition to court too, although our FC said she expects this to come soon). None of these docs were on any of our lists, so I was frustrated by that. They are not hard to get, though, and it is not uncommon for the court to ask for more documents even after you think you are "done" with paperwork. I'll just be honest, even though I knew this would probably happen, it is still a letdown. And this probably isn't the last time it will happen.
There are several other things I have heard/read today pertaining to court dates in our region that certainly have not helped my frame of mind, but I won't go into detail about those things.
**SIGH!!**
O.K., so you can tell I struggle with the unknown. I think most human beings do, but I am VERY guilty of that. I really struggle with that. I like to have lists and then cross off all of the items on the list. I like to have my calendar filled up with certain dates and plans several months ahead. I am that kind of person. I am a planner. and yet, I am constantly reminded, that is not at all how this adventure works. I do not get to plan ANY of it.
I had my lists crossed off and they keep giving me new ones. I have my calendar filled up, except it is missing one very important date... the date C will be allowed to physically become a part of our family. I wonder when I will get to write that date on the calendar? Sometimes I cannot stop myself from thinking "What if we NEVER get a court date?" In the world of Russian adoption, this is not completely far-fetched.
And then I think of Peter.
During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake,
they were terrified.
"It's a ghost", they said, and cried out in fear.
But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid"
"Lord, if it's you, Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water"
"Come", he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.
"But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out,
"Lord, save me!"
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.
"You of little faith", he said, "why did you doubt?"
And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.
Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying,
"Truly you are the son of God."
Matthew 14:25-32
Peter initially acted in faith by walking on the water toward Jesus, but started to sink when he allowed fear to overtake him. After all, people can't walk on water! But he forgot that people with GOD can! I often feel like this adoption process is just as impossible as walking on water, and yet here we are. I used to even think it would be impossible for us to figure out where to find our son (after all, the world is a big place), and yet God led us right to him! What do I know?...
Peter did the right thing by asking Jesus for help when he was afraid, but think about how much more amazing the experience would have been if he had completely trusted Jesus and walked on water WITHOUT FEAR! Lack of fear through the adoption process would certainly be amazing!
Notice that while Jesus did correct Peter's thinking, he still reached out his hand and caught him before the water overtook him. Wow! He has done that for me so many times... and then set me right back on the path that leads to my son!
I'm so glad I don't have to look at the scary waves around me!
1 comment:
In His time....
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